Sorry Folks,
I know it has been a long time since I updated my blog, denying you all of the hilarity and deep insights I am prone to create...
Ahem...right...
I will be in Denver for a week visiting my bestest friend Amy, and will have some free time while she is at work. And I plan on getting back in the swing of things during this time.
So hopefully the thin air won't deprive me of my usual hilarity and deep insights!
Ciao people!
I'm back bitches!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
The End of an Era
When I heard Mr Watterson was going to discontinue writing the Calvin & Hobbes comic, I was broken hearted. Literally. I was terribly upset and was angry, too. That was when I got the Tenth Anniversary Book. It had a bunch of comics already included in the other collections, but also had his commentary with it. Reading this commentary and researching the struggles between he and the conglomerates brought me some understanding, and peace.
I suggest you read the Tenth Anniversary book if you haven't. You might learn some things. Free Wrinkles people!
His final book, It's A Magical World, says goodbye to his creation in a beautiful, thoughtful, and comical way...
It's A Magical World
- The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that is even worse.
- It's pretty hard to hit that magic number of appropriately vague, mildly serious, but not quite worrisome symptoms.
- The universe just goes on forever and ever!...(hobbes)...It kind of makes you wonder why man considers himself such a big screaming deal.
- If your numbers go up, it means you're having more fun.
- Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
- Grown-ups can only justify playing outside by calling it exercise, doing it when they'd rather not, and keeping records to quantify their performance.
- A big part of life is boring routine. I need more excitement.
- Of course, a big part of life is horrifying surprise, routines can be comforting.
- Some days, even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.
- It's hard to be mad at someone who misses you while you're asleep.
- I'd hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
- Waste AND want, that's my motto.
- It's comforting to know that there are certainties in life.
- Life is full of precluded possibilities.
- When your ailments sound cute, you don't get much sympathy.
- If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it.
- It's not summer if your tongue isn't purple.
- Everyone knows it's not entertainment unless you can sit in the dark and eat.
- Enmity sells.
- If nobody makes you learn, it counts as fun.
- How can something seem so plausible at the time and so idiotic in retrospect.
- People always assume you're some kind of altruist.
- What if nothing means anything? What if nothing really matters? Or suppose everything matters. Which would be worse?
- When you're actually confronted with the stillness of nature, it's kind of startling.
- It's a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it's light out.
- I pragmatically turn my whims into principles.
- Summer is butter on your chin and corn mush between every tooth.
- I love messing with data.
- There would be more civility in this world if people didn't take it as an invitation to walk on you.
- It's not an 'attitude', it's a fact.
- Never put the low priorities first.
- In humor, timing is everything.
- To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.
- The world isn't so bad if you can just get out in it.
- When life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and at some lemons of your own.
- I like to have everything so good, I can take it all for granted.
- Life is too inconvenient.
- I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak. Am I scary or what?
- I gotta get my life some writers.
- My life could stand a lot more pizazz.
- Nobody recognizes my hints to smother me with affection.
- I really hate having things put in perspective.
- We need to start putting prices on the priceless.
- Weirdness always starts at home.
- The problem with new experiences is that they're rarely the ones you choose.
- Earthly rewards make consumerism a popular religion.
- What good is originality if you can't crank it out?
- It's hard to feel courageous in loose fitting drowsy bear jammies.
- It's a magical world, let's go exploring.
I suggest you read the Tenth Anniversary book if you haven't. You might learn some things. Free Wrinkles people!
His final book, It's A Magical World, says goodbye to his creation in a beautiful, thoughtful, and comical way...
It's A Magical World
- The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that is even worse.
- It's pretty hard to hit that magic number of appropriately vague, mildly serious, but not quite worrisome symptoms.
- The universe just goes on forever and ever!...(hobbes)...It kind of makes you wonder why man considers himself such a big screaming deal.
- If your numbers go up, it means you're having more fun.
- Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
- Grown-ups can only justify playing outside by calling it exercise, doing it when they'd rather not, and keeping records to quantify their performance.
- A big part of life is boring routine. I need more excitement.
- Of course, a big part of life is horrifying surprise, routines can be comforting.
- Some days, even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.
- It's hard to be mad at someone who misses you while you're asleep.
- I'd hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
- Waste AND want, that's my motto.
- It's comforting to know that there are certainties in life.
- Life is full of precluded possibilities.
- When your ailments sound cute, you don't get much sympathy.
- If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it.
- It's not summer if your tongue isn't purple.
- Everyone knows it's not entertainment unless you can sit in the dark and eat.
- Enmity sells.
- If nobody makes you learn, it counts as fun.
- How can something seem so plausible at the time and so idiotic in retrospect.
- People always assume you're some kind of altruist.
- What if nothing means anything? What if nothing really matters? Or suppose everything matters. Which would be worse?
- When you're actually confronted with the stillness of nature, it's kind of startling.
- It's a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it's light out.
- I pragmatically turn my whims into principles.
- Summer is butter on your chin and corn mush between every tooth.
- I love messing with data.
- There would be more civility in this world if people didn't take it as an invitation to walk on you.
- It's not an 'attitude', it's a fact.
- Never put the low priorities first.
- In humor, timing is everything.
- To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.
- The world isn't so bad if you can just get out in it.
- When life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and at some lemons of your own.
- I like to have everything so good, I can take it all for granted.
- Life is too inconvenient.
- I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak. Am I scary or what?
- I gotta get my life some writers.
- My life could stand a lot more pizazz.
- Nobody recognizes my hints to smother me with affection.
- I really hate having things put in perspective.
- We need to start putting prices on the priceless.
- Weirdness always starts at home.
- The problem with new experiences is that they're rarely the ones you choose.
- Earthly rewards make consumerism a popular religion.
- What good is originality if you can't crank it out?
- It's hard to feel courageous in loose fitting drowsy bear jammies.
- It's a magical world, let's go exploring.
I hate this game!....I love this game!
' This game is all that is soulless and wrong in the world! I hate it with the red hot passion of a thousand fiery suns! ' - Me
' This is the best invention ever. Forget the wheel or sliced bread, this is the shit! ' - Me
I've said both of these things, or variants thereof, about golf and poker. Both activities have cause me great happiness and great anguish at different times. Despite the disappointments, I stick with them. Pardon the analogy, but I'm like a battered wife who just doesn't get it. I get beaten, hurt and crapped on by these things, but I love them still. Addicted? In love? Brain Injury?
I haven't gambled at table games at a casino in quite a while. The last time I went I lost nearly $100 on the 3-6 poker tables. This isn't all that bad when you look at it, but I consider myself much better at poker than that. Of course, I won the money back right after on the craps table, as per usual, so it wasn't all bad. Because of this particular excursion, I vowed to stay away from poker for a while, except for work get togethers.
Our boss has poker nights as his place every now and again, and I would go there to play, but I was rusty due to inactivity. Now some of the guys at work and I have been getting together a few times here and there to play. I was trepidatious at first, but I've won money four out of the past six times played. I love you, poker....
Last night was one such evening. We got together at someone's house to play for an evening. A couple of beers, a couple of laughs, and a couple of tantrums later (by someone else, not me), I got down to a decision for all my chips. I had Jd 6d. (h=hearts, d=diamonds, c=clubs, s=spades, j=jack, q=queen, k=king, a=ace)
The flop was 9d, 9c, 4d. So I was on the flush draw. I was the short stack left at the table, so I went all in. The other guy had a pair of 8's . The turn came....Ad! Flush baby! The river came...8d! Full house for him! Shit! Poker...you bitch....
We finished the first game early, so we decided to start a second round. I proceeded to knock every person out of the game. The sweetest part was against a friend at work who just that night gloated that I couldn't beat him head to head. Well, a flop comes up 10c, 7c, 4d. I have Kc Qc. So I'm on a flush draw with two over cards. This other guy goes all in. I figure he has top pair. I call. He has Ah 10s. I was right. I end up winning when a King comes on the turn. He got quite upset saying I had no business calling. It was a coin flip! I had him covered and every reason to call! And I won!
Poker, you're my first, my last, my everything....
See what I mean by the ups and downs?
Friday, Kris was in town and we went golfing. This was sadly my first outing this year. Now, I'm not that great at golf. I regularly shoot 95-105 after I've been playing a bit. I don't play as often as you need to get a lot of practice, and I've only played for about 6 years or so. Enough of the excuses.
I start off ok, shots are sounding good, feeling good, going the right distance, but not quite the right direction. I kept pulling the ball to the left, until I get to a dogleg left hole, then I hit it straight. Golf, you motherf***a....
Eventually we make our way to the 14th hole, I', feeling good about my chances because I won the hole before. My honors. I step up and crank the 3 iron shot to within 6 feet of the hole. Sink the birdie putt. SWEET! Only my second or third birdie ever. Sadly. Golf, you're my new best friend.
Now we are down to the last hole, once again I won the hole prior and remember how I did last time I did that, so I'm feeling good...
Scene:
Dave pulls the cart up beside the 18th Tee box, sets the parking break, steps out and chooses his 3 iron. He reaches back and grabs a tee from the wheel. He makes his way up to the tee box and peers down the length of the fairway confidently...
He plucks a ball from his right pocket and pierces the ground with his tee, balancing the ball and rising to take his stance. He swings once just to loosen his back, then approaches the ball. He leans over, placing the club just behind the ball, left foot an inch or so in front of the right to correct his swing, he pauses, breathes in, out, opens his eyes, and begins his backswing...
The swing reaches its apex and he continues the swing quickly and 'gracefully' toward the ball. Contact is made and suddenly his hands feel lighter...
CRACK!
WWWHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
AHH!
I glance up and apparently, according to Kris, jump about a foot in the air when the head of my club comes flying off as I made contact with the ball. A foot in the air and a yelp of some kind. The head of the 3 iron flies about sixty yards skimming the ground the whole way. The whirring noise was more of an interrupted whirring, very Chewbacca-esque. The damn thing sounded like a randy wookie's mating call. I lose complete track of the ball and complete lack of understanding as to what the hell just happened!! I run up and find the head of the club and stare mystified. I didn't finish the hole or the game and just gave up on the day. I didn't find out until about an hour later I left my phone in the golf cart. At that point I just uttered a defeated sigh as Kris chuckled devilishly.
Golf you asshole son of a rarggafargasargrabblemartyugilfiry bastard....
Well, at least I've made some money from the poker to get the club fixed...
' This is the best invention ever. Forget the wheel or sliced bread, this is the shit! ' - Me
I've said both of these things, or variants thereof, about golf and poker. Both activities have cause me great happiness and great anguish at different times. Despite the disappointments, I stick with them. Pardon the analogy, but I'm like a battered wife who just doesn't get it. I get beaten, hurt and crapped on by these things, but I love them still. Addicted? In love? Brain Injury?
I haven't gambled at table games at a casino in quite a while. The last time I went I lost nearly $100 on the 3-6 poker tables. This isn't all that bad when you look at it, but I consider myself much better at poker than that. Of course, I won the money back right after on the craps table, as per usual, so it wasn't all bad. Because of this particular excursion, I vowed to stay away from poker for a while, except for work get togethers.
Our boss has poker nights as his place every now and again, and I would go there to play, but I was rusty due to inactivity. Now some of the guys at work and I have been getting together a few times here and there to play. I was trepidatious at first, but I've won money four out of the past six times played. I love you, poker....
Last night was one such evening. We got together at someone's house to play for an evening. A couple of beers, a couple of laughs, and a couple of tantrums later (by someone else, not me), I got down to a decision for all my chips. I had Jd 6d. (h=hearts, d=diamonds, c=clubs, s=spades, j=jack, q=queen, k=king, a=ace)
The flop was 9d, 9c, 4d. So I was on the flush draw. I was the short stack left at the table, so I went all in. The other guy had a pair of 8's . The turn came....Ad! Flush baby! The river came...8d! Full house for him! Shit! Poker...you bitch....
We finished the first game early, so we decided to start a second round. I proceeded to knock every person out of the game. The sweetest part was against a friend at work who just that night gloated that I couldn't beat him head to head. Well, a flop comes up 10c, 7c, 4d. I have Kc Qc. So I'm on a flush draw with two over cards. This other guy goes all in. I figure he has top pair. I call. He has Ah 10s. I was right. I end up winning when a King comes on the turn. He got quite upset saying I had no business calling. It was a coin flip! I had him covered and every reason to call! And I won!
Poker, you're my first, my last, my everything....
See what I mean by the ups and downs?
Friday, Kris was in town and we went golfing. This was sadly my first outing this year. Now, I'm not that great at golf. I regularly shoot 95-105 after I've been playing a bit. I don't play as often as you need to get a lot of practice, and I've only played for about 6 years or so. Enough of the excuses.
I start off ok, shots are sounding good, feeling good, going the right distance, but not quite the right direction. I kept pulling the ball to the left, until I get to a dogleg left hole, then I hit it straight. Golf, you motherf***a....
Eventually we make our way to the 14th hole, I', feeling good about my chances because I won the hole before. My honors. I step up and crank the 3 iron shot to within 6 feet of the hole. Sink the birdie putt. SWEET! Only my second or third birdie ever. Sadly. Golf, you're my new best friend.
Now we are down to the last hole, once again I won the hole prior and remember how I did last time I did that, so I'm feeling good...
Scene:
Dave pulls the cart up beside the 18th Tee box, sets the parking break, steps out and chooses his 3 iron. He reaches back and grabs a tee from the wheel. He makes his way up to the tee box and peers down the length of the fairway confidently...
He plucks a ball from his right pocket and pierces the ground with his tee, balancing the ball and rising to take his stance. He swings once just to loosen his back, then approaches the ball. He leans over, placing the club just behind the ball, left foot an inch or so in front of the right to correct his swing, he pauses, breathes in, out, opens his eyes, and begins his backswing...
The swing reaches its apex and he continues the swing quickly and 'gracefully' toward the ball. Contact is made and suddenly his hands feel lighter...
CRACK!
WWWHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
AHH!
I glance up and apparently, according to Kris, jump about a foot in the air when the head of my club comes flying off as I made contact with the ball. A foot in the air and a yelp of some kind. The head of the 3 iron flies about sixty yards skimming the ground the whole way. The whirring noise was more of an interrupted whirring, very Chewbacca-esque. The damn thing sounded like a randy wookie's mating call. I lose complete track of the ball and complete lack of understanding as to what the hell just happened!! I run up and find the head of the club and stare mystified. I didn't finish the hole or the game and just gave up on the day. I didn't find out until about an hour later I left my phone in the golf cart. At that point I just uttered a defeated sigh as Kris chuckled devilishly.
Golf you asshole son of a rarggafargasargrabblemartyugilfiry bastard....
Well, at least I've made some money from the poker to get the club fixed...
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Be Patient, It's Almost Over
My Calvin & Hobbes blogs have met with quite a bit of criticism, and a little enjoyment. Well, so long as someone is getting some enjoyment out of them, I say...
On With The Show!!
It's my world, and even I'm scared to be living in it half the time. It's all about what you make of your world, and that is Calvin to a 'T'.
This comic is all about his world, and everyone else is just living in it. His parents don't have names because kids don't see their parents as named individuals. They are dad and mom, period.
Today, I thought of another strange correlation between Calvin and I. Some people at work got to talking about cartoons from when we were younger. I remember being a big fan of Thundercats. It wasn't my favorite, but I watched it for sure. One of my most vivid memories of my own crazy imagination is from taking long drives. Of course a long drive is a relative term at that age. I used to think Faust Park in Chesterfield was lightyears away from our house in South City. The trips to Grandma & Grandpa's in Union, what we called, 'The Country'? That was nearly unbearable for me. So I put my imagination to work. I used to imagine Cheetarah from Thundercats, running alongside the car! She was just doing crazy flips and weaving through traffic, and running over cars, going from one side to the other. My folks probably thought I was a bit out of it, just staring at asphalt....
Mom : ~siiiighhh~ He's doing it again...
Dad : What?
Mom : Staring out the window, jaw agape, eyes darting back and forth.
Dad : Oh yeah, that again. Those child psychology books aren't worth a thing.
Mom : He's your son. (to me) David?
Me : hmmm
Mom : Want a butterscotch?
Me : hmmm
That first part is all guesswork, but I remember Cheetarah and butterscotch discs like they were yesterday.
mmm butterscotch.......
See? I had my feline, and Calvin has his.
There's Treasure Everywhere
- I don't think you should have to do something unless you're enthusiastic about it.
- I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius...nobody thinks I'm a genius.
- Anymore, simply acknowledging the issue is a moral victory.
- You should always save hyperbole until you really need it.
- Once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. You realize that nature is ruthless and our existence is very fragile, temporary, and precious. But to go on with daily affairs, you can't really think about that...which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted and why we act so thoughtlessly. It's very confusing. I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up.
- If I'm going to get clobbered, I like to deserve it.
- Sometimes I think books are the only friends worth having.
- Love the sinner, hate the sin.
- I'M SIGNIFICANT! Screamed the dust speck.
- God must have a goofy sense of humor.
- I need to stop thinking while I'm ahead.
- Nobody takes responsibility for his actions anymore.
- If your friends are contractual, you don't have any.
- My whole problem is my lips move when I think.
- They say the world is a stage, but obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines...(hobbes)...Maybe that's why it's hard to tell if we're in a tragedy or a farce.
- Nothing in life is ever easy.
- As usual, goodness hardly puts up a fight.
- I can't wait until I'm old enough to 'putter around'.
- Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.
- When in doubt, deny all terms and definitions.
- The more indecisive I am, the faster things get decided.
- A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.
- It's our patriotic duty to buy distractions from a simple life.
- I don't care about being accepted, I'd settle for being ignored.
- I though I had a great idea, but it never really took off. In fact it didn't even get on the runway. I guess you could say it exploded in the hangar.
- Great experiences are even better when they are shared.
- I refuse to be victimized by notions of virtuous behavior.
- When you're great, people often mistake candor for bragging.
- I love loopholes.
- Why should I have to work for everything? That's like saying I don't deserve it.
- My brain always rejects attitude transplants.
- Sometimes life seems unbearably tragic.
- I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.
- I wonder why we think faster than we can speak...(hobbes)...Probably so we can think twice.
- Your denial of my victimhood is lowering my self-esteem.
- Let's hope bumbling along without a clue is important.
On With The Show!!
It's my world, and even I'm scared to be living in it half the time. It's all about what you make of your world, and that is Calvin to a 'T'.
This comic is all about his world, and everyone else is just living in it. His parents don't have names because kids don't see their parents as named individuals. They are dad and mom, period.
Today, I thought of another strange correlation between Calvin and I. Some people at work got to talking about cartoons from when we were younger. I remember being a big fan of Thundercats. It wasn't my favorite, but I watched it for sure. One of my most vivid memories of my own crazy imagination is from taking long drives. Of course a long drive is a relative term at that age. I used to think Faust Park in Chesterfield was lightyears away from our house in South City. The trips to Grandma & Grandpa's in Union, what we called, 'The Country'? That was nearly unbearable for me. So I put my imagination to work. I used to imagine Cheetarah from Thundercats, running alongside the car! She was just doing crazy flips and weaving through traffic, and running over cars, going from one side to the other. My folks probably thought I was a bit out of it, just staring at asphalt....
Mom : ~siiiighhh~ He's doing it again...
Dad : What?
Mom : Staring out the window, jaw agape, eyes darting back and forth.
Dad : Oh yeah, that again. Those child psychology books aren't worth a thing.
Mom : He's your son. (to me) David?
Me : hmmm
Mom : Want a butterscotch?
Me : hmmm
That first part is all guesswork, but I remember Cheetarah and butterscotch discs like they were yesterday.
mmm butterscotch.......
See? I had my feline, and Calvin has his.
There's Treasure Everywhere
- I don't think you should have to do something unless you're enthusiastic about it.
- I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius...nobody thinks I'm a genius.
- Anymore, simply acknowledging the issue is a moral victory.
- You should always save hyperbole until you really need it.
- Once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. You realize that nature is ruthless and our existence is very fragile, temporary, and precious. But to go on with daily affairs, you can't really think about that...which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted and why we act so thoughtlessly. It's very confusing. I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up.
- If I'm going to get clobbered, I like to deserve it.
- Sometimes I think books are the only friends worth having.
- Love the sinner, hate the sin.
- I'M SIGNIFICANT! Screamed the dust speck.
- God must have a goofy sense of humor.
- I need to stop thinking while I'm ahead.
- Nobody takes responsibility for his actions anymore.
- If your friends are contractual, you don't have any.
- My whole problem is my lips move when I think.
- They say the world is a stage, but obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines...(hobbes)...Maybe that's why it's hard to tell if we're in a tragedy or a farce.
- Nothing in life is ever easy.
- As usual, goodness hardly puts up a fight.
- I can't wait until I'm old enough to 'putter around'.
- Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.
- When in doubt, deny all terms and definitions.
- The more indecisive I am, the faster things get decided.
- A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.
- It's our patriotic duty to buy distractions from a simple life.
- I don't care about being accepted, I'd settle for being ignored.
- I though I had a great idea, but it never really took off. In fact it didn't even get on the runway. I guess you could say it exploded in the hangar.
- Great experiences are even better when they are shared.
- I refuse to be victimized by notions of virtuous behavior.
- When you're great, people often mistake candor for bragging.
- I love loopholes.
- Why should I have to work for everything? That's like saying I don't deserve it.
- My brain always rejects attitude transplants.
- Sometimes life seems unbearably tragic.
- I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.
- I wonder why we think faster than we can speak...(hobbes)...Probably so we can think twice.
- Your denial of my victimhood is lowering my self-esteem.
- Let's hope bumbling along without a clue is important.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Eight Down, Three To Go...
I was made fun of, called an egotistical bastard, and given kudos all in the same day for something I have worked hard at for quite a while. My vocabulary. I'm sorry I like to use big words, I do not intend to impress, offend, or make others feel stupid. If anything, I like teaching people the big words I tend to use. I really enjoy sharing information. I realize sometimes it may come across as looking down on someone else's intelligence, but honestly, get over it.
I'm not going to stop using big words because it makes people feel dumb. If anything, that will make me use them more! Much thanks for my vocabulary goes to my parents and to Calvin & Hobbes. Everytime I would ask my folks what a word meant, they made me go look it up in the giant dictionary that stood on a pedestal in the living room. Looking back, I don't know many people who would have such a thing in their living room, and am kind of surprised that my parents would be two of them. Worked out well for us kids though.
The other assistant in learning words was definitely Calvin & Hobbes. While I didn't know this at the time, the vocabulary Calvin has is not normal for a six year old. I though I should know all these words he does. Even when I got to be 14 and 15 I still didn't recognize all of the words! One of these days I'm going to make a list of the astounding words Calvin is familiar with. How many people can use the line 'I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul' properly?
Now I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of MY soul and create another list...
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
- You can tell a good spy by his ominous logo.
- No efficiency. No accountability. I tell you, it's a lousy way to run a universe.
- Not thinking about it won't make it go away, you know!
- No retractable claws, no opposable toes, no prehensile tail, no compound eyes, no fangs, no wings....sigggghhhh....
- Ever notice how time slows down during a catastrophe...and good times are always over so fast.
- My bills always die in subcommittee.
- You can present the material, but you can't make me care.
- I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it.
- Deep down, I doubt my greed for presents can overcome my desire to misbehave.
- I think as long as you suffer for your sins, they don't count.
- Fortunately, I'm the stoic type.
- I've got to stop introducing topics of conversation.
- I'm not getting up until it's as warm out there as it is in here.
- Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
- The problem with being avant-garde is knowing who's putting on who.
- I love the culture of victimhood.
- It's that moment of dawning comprehension that I live for.
- Verbing weirds language.
- One more nostalgic part of childhood goes THBPPTH.
- If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
- When your strategy is to run like a squirrel, it's hard to come up with a good taunt.
- A joke is never as funny the second time you hear it.
- I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life, procrastinating and rationalizing.
- Reality continues to ruin my life.
- Exercise is a lot more gratifying if you count what it feels like.
- If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
- How many boards would the mongols hoard, if the mongol hordes got bored?
- It's a funny world, but not a hilarious world, unless you like sick humor.
- Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.
- A good compromise leaves everybody mad.
- When you've got talent like ours, the world is your oyster.
- People only recognize greatness when some authority confirms it.
- Nobody likes us 'big picture' people.
- Everybody hates a literalist.
- Nobody likes to hear about a hobby.
- Not having my emotions manipulated is such a weird experience.
- Some people just aren't open to revelatory experiences.
- The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.
- Tomorrow, we'll seize the day and throttle it.
- Every minute outside and awake is a good minute.
- I'd like to shoot the idiots who think this...(violence on tv)...affects me.
- It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden stop at the end.
I'm not going to stop using big words because it makes people feel dumb. If anything, that will make me use them more! Much thanks for my vocabulary goes to my parents and to Calvin & Hobbes. Everytime I would ask my folks what a word meant, they made me go look it up in the giant dictionary that stood on a pedestal in the living room. Looking back, I don't know many people who would have such a thing in their living room, and am kind of surprised that my parents would be two of them. Worked out well for us kids though.
The other assistant in learning words was definitely Calvin & Hobbes. While I didn't know this at the time, the vocabulary Calvin has is not normal for a six year old. I though I should know all these words he does. Even when I got to be 14 and 15 I still didn't recognize all of the words! One of these days I'm going to make a list of the astounding words Calvin is familiar with. How many people can use the line 'I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul' properly?
Now I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of MY soul and create another list...
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
- You can tell a good spy by his ominous logo.
- No efficiency. No accountability. I tell you, it's a lousy way to run a universe.
- Not thinking about it won't make it go away, you know!
- No retractable claws, no opposable toes, no prehensile tail, no compound eyes, no fangs, no wings....sigggghhhh....
- Ever notice how time slows down during a catastrophe...and good times are always over so fast.
- My bills always die in subcommittee.
- You can present the material, but you can't make me care.
- I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it.
- Deep down, I doubt my greed for presents can overcome my desire to misbehave.
- I think as long as you suffer for your sins, they don't count.
- Fortunately, I'm the stoic type.
- I've got to stop introducing topics of conversation.
- I'm not getting up until it's as warm out there as it is in here.
- Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
- The problem with being avant-garde is knowing who's putting on who.
- I love the culture of victimhood.
- It's that moment of dawning comprehension that I live for.
- Verbing weirds language.
- One more nostalgic part of childhood goes THBPPTH.
- If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
- When your strategy is to run like a squirrel, it's hard to come up with a good taunt.
- A joke is never as funny the second time you hear it.
- I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life, procrastinating and rationalizing.
- Reality continues to ruin my life.
- Exercise is a lot more gratifying if you count what it feels like.
- If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
- How many boards would the mongols hoard, if the mongol hordes got bored?
- It's a funny world, but not a hilarious world, unless you like sick humor.
- Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.
- A good compromise leaves everybody mad.
- When you've got talent like ours, the world is your oyster.
- People only recognize greatness when some authority confirms it.
- Nobody likes us 'big picture' people.
- Everybody hates a literalist.
- Nobody likes to hear about a hobby.
- Not having my emotions manipulated is such a weird experience.
- Some people just aren't open to revelatory experiences.
- The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.
- Tomorrow, we'll seize the day and throttle it.
- Every minute outside and awake is a good minute.
- I'd like to shoot the idiots who think this...(violence on tv)...affects me.
- It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden stop at the end.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Pardon me for using the term...
Douchebag of the Day Award
Goes to, World Cup ref, Jorge Larrionda.
He called three yellow cards and three red cards during the Italy/U.S.A. match today.
The only cards that should have bene called all day, and most media agrees with me, were the yellow to Eddie Pope and the red to De Rossi for throwing the horribly flagrant elbow into Brian McBride's face.
This guy makes Don Denkinger look brilliant.
Congratulations Senor Larrionda, the award is now being named after you.
Stay tuned for future winners of the Jorge Larrionda Award...
Goes to, World Cup ref, Jorge Larrionda.
He called three yellow cards and three red cards during the Italy/U.S.A. match today.
The only cards that should have bene called all day, and most media agrees with me, were the yellow to Eddie Pope and the red to De Rossi for throwing the horribly flagrant elbow into Brian McBride's face.
This guy makes Don Denkinger look brilliant.
Congratulations Senor Larrionda, the award is now being named after you.
Stay tuned for future winners of the Jorge Larrionda Award...
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
What was with the long books?
Ever have those days where, a week ago, you thought you had nothing going on. Then all of the sudden, there's about eighty thousand things to do?
Sometimes, as the 8th collection of Calvin & Hobbes says, The Days Are Just Packed.
I think that's a big key in a day off or a vacation. It may seem like you have nothing to do, but all of the sudden all those ugly responsibilities rear their heads.
AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
So much for those plans of sleeping til noon. Sitting at the computer til 2. Reading til 4. Debating about getting dressed at 5ish. Cardinals watching at 7. Maybe hitting the bar for a drink at 10.
Instead it ends up being more like out of bed by 8 for no reason other than you just woke up. Weighing in for the week by 9. Getting an email that causes you to remember that you need to send about ten of them to others by 10. Dry cleaning by 11. Shoe shopping (not fun when you are desperately searching for size 15 slip on dress shoes for over two months!) by 12. Dropping off a large check for stuff you won't see until August at your soon to be new landlord's by 1. Head home and remember you forgot to hit the bread store, the post office, and the cable company by 2, oh wait, forgot the car wash, make that 3. Finally make it home and start a couple of loads of laundry and sit down for a well deserved break and write a blog....
- The Days Are Just Packed
- I regret I wasn't born with opposable toes.
- Nobody likes my great ideas in action.
- Of all the luck, my parents had to be humans.
- Self esteem is enhanced by remaining an ignoramus.
- The secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met.
- I'm related to people I don't relate to.
- The whole problem with modern times is that there's no pride in craftsmanship.
- It's a crass culture. Shoddy and quick is all anybody knows.
- (Some of my)...discussions never go where they're supposed to.
- Childhood is so disillusioning.
- I'm not dumb, I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
- I think my excuses need to be less extemporaneous.
- Oh, those mischievous planets.
- It's not good to thwart the intentions of the universe!
- I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life....(calvin)...I can't tell if that's funny or really scary.
- An orifice is an amusing thing.
- It's a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.
- You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. Last minute panic.
- All this modern technology just makes people try to do everything at once.
- People just don't know a great idea when they hear one.
- That's the whole problem with science. You've got a whole bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
- When you look into infinity, you realize there are more important things than what people do today.
- Somehow whenever I ask a question, I end up with a lot of them to answer.
- There's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.
- Science kind of takes the fun out of the portent business.
- Childhood is for spoiling adulthood.
- It's great to have a friend who appreciates an earnest discussion of ideas.
- Whed you're oder, you dake your sinuses fo granded.
- I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.
- Why does the universe always give you the sign after you do it?
- Halcyonity is relative.
- A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction into a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
- My penitent sinner shtick needs work.
- Endorsing products is the American way of expressing individuality.
- Calvin's 'Serenity' Prayer
The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference.
- I hate it when I can't gird my loins with funny animals.
- When you think how well basic appliances work, it's hard to believe anyone ever gets on an airplane.
- I'm a simple man with complex tastes.
- The truth will set your teeth free.
- Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.
- Denial springs eternal.
- Nobody respects my denial.
- It's not denial, I'm just very selective about the reality I accept.
- Good poetry gives me goosebumps.
- Some things don't need the thought people give them.
- My brain wishes my ego had call-waiting.
Sometimes, as the 8th collection of Calvin & Hobbes says, The Days Are Just Packed.
I think that's a big key in a day off or a vacation. It may seem like you have nothing to do, but all of the sudden all those ugly responsibilities rear their heads.
AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
So much for those plans of sleeping til noon. Sitting at the computer til 2. Reading til 4. Debating about getting dressed at 5ish. Cardinals watching at 7. Maybe hitting the bar for a drink at 10.
Instead it ends up being more like out of bed by 8 for no reason other than you just woke up. Weighing in for the week by 9. Getting an email that causes you to remember that you need to send about ten of them to others by 10. Dry cleaning by 11. Shoe shopping (not fun when you are desperately searching for size 15 slip on dress shoes for over two months!) by 12. Dropping off a large check for stuff you won't see until August at your soon to be new landlord's by 1. Head home and remember you forgot to hit the bread store, the post office, and the cable company by 2, oh wait, forgot the car wash, make that 3. Finally make it home and start a couple of loads of laundry and sit down for a well deserved break and write a blog....
- The Days Are Just Packed
- I regret I wasn't born with opposable toes.
- Nobody likes my great ideas in action.
- Of all the luck, my parents had to be humans.
- Self esteem is enhanced by remaining an ignoramus.
- The secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met.
- I'm related to people I don't relate to.
- The whole problem with modern times is that there's no pride in craftsmanship.
- It's a crass culture. Shoddy and quick is all anybody knows.
- (Some of my)...discussions never go where they're supposed to.
- Childhood is so disillusioning.
- I'm not dumb, I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
- I think my excuses need to be less extemporaneous.
- Oh, those mischievous planets.
- It's not good to thwart the intentions of the universe!
- I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life....(calvin)...I can't tell if that's funny or really scary.
- An orifice is an amusing thing.
- It's a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.
- You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. Last minute panic.
- All this modern technology just makes people try to do everything at once.
- People just don't know a great idea when they hear one.
- That's the whole problem with science. You've got a whole bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
- When you look into infinity, you realize there are more important things than what people do today.
- Somehow whenever I ask a question, I end up with a lot of them to answer.
- There's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.
- Science kind of takes the fun out of the portent business.
- Childhood is for spoiling adulthood.
- It's great to have a friend who appreciates an earnest discussion of ideas.
- Whed you're oder, you dake your sinuses fo granded.
- I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.
- Why does the universe always give you the sign after you do it?
- Halcyonity is relative.
- A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction into a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
- My penitent sinner shtick needs work.
- Endorsing products is the American way of expressing individuality.
- Calvin's 'Serenity' Prayer
The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference.
- I hate it when I can't gird my loins with funny animals.
- When you think how well basic appliances work, it's hard to believe anyone ever gets on an airplane.
- I'm a simple man with complex tastes.
- The truth will set your teeth free.
- Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.
- Denial springs eternal.
- Nobody respects my denial.
- It's not denial, I'm just very selective about the reality I accept.
- Good poetry gives me goosebumps.
- Some things don't need the thought people give them.
- My brain wishes my ego had call-waiting.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Cool Points
What you see as....
I may see as a different kind of more socially accepted nerd...
Get it? Yeah, I'm one too.
Cool. Rad. Awesome. Fab. Far out. Wicked. Sweet. Dare I even mention the terribly 80s surfer favorite, 'tubular'.
We all have different ways of describing something we are pleased with. And a lot of what one person may be pleased with may seem completely dorky, nerdy, or uncool to another person.
For example, I think someone who is a fan of Prince's music is cool.
And yes, I'm aware that may make me uncool in some of your eyes. I am prepared to deal with that. Sort of. Don't mock me too hard. I'm fragile...
So, why am I musing on the variations of coolness in life? Well, because I am about to do something pretty uncool and try and explain something which I don't even quite understand. Cool points.
What are cool points you ask? How does one earn cool points? Why the hell should I care about cool points? Why am I reading this damn blog anyhow?? Peace, I'm out.
Are they gone?
Ok, now that we got rid of the 'uncool' riff raff, let's get down to business.
'Cool Points' is an extremely loosely defined concept, semi-jokingly defining how much in common I have with individuals. I award cool points when I find something that we have in common. The dorkier, the better, the more cool points awarded. You could have the most cool points ever as one of my friends, but chances are, you are shunned by most of the outside world. So, it may be best for you to not have an abundance of cool points if you wish to still be accepted as normal by the general public.
Speaking of being accepted by the normal public, I know I'm not. That is why I have absolutely no qualms sharing all these dorky things I am a fan of. Honestly I have never actually assigned a numerical point value to any of these things, but they are things I have, in the past, officially awarded cool points for. C'mon, I'm not that big of a nerd. Oh wait, I'm assigning point values now...
Consider yourself a nerd and are deemed to be so by me : 5-10 cool points
We gotta encourage each others nerd-dom. It's the only way we'll survive. No love is as beautiful as nerd-love.
Likes to Argue/Debate intelligently, with random bouts of being comically irrational : 10-15 cool points
It's one thing to like to argue and do it well, that will get you some cool points, but what fun is it if you can't throw someone off every now and again with a completely irrational retort like, 'Oh yeah, well, you smell like a week old tortoise.'
Being a fan of Prince's music : Old stuff (50-100 points), Old & New (150 points)
Who doesn't love Raspberry Beret, Kiss, Seven, Call My Name, Most Beautiful Girl in the World, Pussy Control, Little Red Corvette, Musicology, Cream, Purple Rain, Black Sweat? Only me? Oh, ok, just good to know one can still be unique.
Fan of Cowboy Mouth : varies from 100-2,000 cool points
Just a passing fan, ok that's cool too. Able to sing almost every song they have written and performed live? You sir or madam, are a god or goddess.
Member of the band Cowboy Mouth : Infinity
Sorry, of course this is only open to Fred, Paul, JTG, Rob, Mary, or Sonia.
Have a large vocabulary and know such words as perspicacious, triskadecaphobia, etc:
25-50 cool points
I like big words, especially when I drink. It's not that I'm snobby about it. It's like two people who know a foreign language and like to speak it to each other so other's can't follow along.
Have a large movie quote vocabulary and know things like, 'Jimmy Dolen shake and bake', 'Wolfmen don't got nards', and 'God I love my job.':
2 pts for each movie quote we both know and use
Remember that bit about speaking a different language earlier? yeah, that applies here as well. I have been known to carry entire conversations using only movie quotes.
These are some of the things I have awarded cool points for in the past. That's not to say there aren't other ways to earn them. I also don't always notify people when they receive cool points, so don't be offended if you don't have a score sheet started with me. So to recap, asking to earn cool points is an automatic deduction of cool points. If you ask to discuss cool points and then comically throwing me off the topic somewhere in the conversation by saying, 'I think that the answer to global warming is to just flip over and warm the other side', you are my people.
Tell me there aren't things that you might find in common with someone that doesn't just automatically make them one of your new best friends. That's what this is, just quantified. To quote Calvin, 'If your numbers go up, It means you're having more fun!'
Oh yeah, Calvin and Hobbes fan? Add 30 points...
I may see as a different kind of more socially accepted nerd...
Get it? Yeah, I'm one too.
Cool. Rad. Awesome. Fab. Far out. Wicked. Sweet. Dare I even mention the terribly 80s surfer favorite, 'tubular'.
We all have different ways of describing something we are pleased with. And a lot of what one person may be pleased with may seem completely dorky, nerdy, or uncool to another person.
For example, I think someone who is a fan of Prince's music is cool.
And yes, I'm aware that may make me uncool in some of your eyes. I am prepared to deal with that. Sort of. Don't mock me too hard. I'm fragile...
So, why am I musing on the variations of coolness in life? Well, because I am about to do something pretty uncool and try and explain something which I don't even quite understand. Cool points.
What are cool points you ask? How does one earn cool points? Why the hell should I care about cool points? Why am I reading this damn blog anyhow?? Peace, I'm out.
Are they gone?
Ok, now that we got rid of the 'uncool' riff raff, let's get down to business.
'Cool Points' is an extremely loosely defined concept, semi-jokingly defining how much in common I have with individuals. I award cool points when I find something that we have in common. The dorkier, the better, the more cool points awarded. You could have the most cool points ever as one of my friends, but chances are, you are shunned by most of the outside world. So, it may be best for you to not have an abundance of cool points if you wish to still be accepted as normal by the general public.
Speaking of being accepted by the normal public, I know I'm not. That is why I have absolutely no qualms sharing all these dorky things I am a fan of. Honestly I have never actually assigned a numerical point value to any of these things, but they are things I have, in the past, officially awarded cool points for. C'mon, I'm not that big of a nerd. Oh wait, I'm assigning point values now...
Consider yourself a nerd and are deemed to be so by me : 5-10 cool points
We gotta encourage each others nerd-dom. It's the only way we'll survive. No love is as beautiful as nerd-love.
Likes to Argue/Debate intelligently, with random bouts of being comically irrational : 10-15 cool points
It's one thing to like to argue and do it well, that will get you some cool points, but what fun is it if you can't throw someone off every now and again with a completely irrational retort like, 'Oh yeah, well, you smell like a week old tortoise.'
Being a fan of Prince's music : Old stuff (50-100 points), Old & New (150 points)
Who doesn't love Raspberry Beret, Kiss, Seven, Call My Name, Most Beautiful Girl in the World, Pussy Control, Little Red Corvette, Musicology, Cream, Purple Rain, Black Sweat? Only me? Oh, ok, just good to know one can still be unique.
Fan of Cowboy Mouth : varies from 100-2,000 cool points
Just a passing fan, ok that's cool too. Able to sing almost every song they have written and performed live? You sir or madam, are a god or goddess.
Member of the band Cowboy Mouth : Infinity
Sorry, of course this is only open to Fred, Paul, JTG, Rob, Mary, or Sonia.
Have a large vocabulary and know such words as perspicacious, triskadecaphobia, etc:
25-50 cool points
I like big words, especially when I drink. It's not that I'm snobby about it. It's like two people who know a foreign language and like to speak it to each other so other's can't follow along.
Have a large movie quote vocabulary and know things like, 'Jimmy Dolen shake and bake', 'Wolfmen don't got nards', and 'God I love my job.':
2 pts for each movie quote we both know and use
Remember that bit about speaking a different language earlier? yeah, that applies here as well. I have been known to carry entire conversations using only movie quotes.
These are some of the things I have awarded cool points for in the past. That's not to say there aren't other ways to earn them. I also don't always notify people when they receive cool points, so don't be offended if you don't have a score sheet started with me. So to recap, asking to earn cool points is an automatic deduction of cool points. If you ask to discuss cool points and then comically throwing me off the topic somewhere in the conversation by saying, 'I think that the answer to global warming is to just flip over and warm the other side', you are my people.
Tell me there aren't things that you might find in common with someone that doesn't just automatically make them one of your new best friends. That's what this is, just quantified. To quote Calvin, 'If your numbers go up, It means you're having more fun!'
Oh yeah, Calvin and Hobbes fan? Add 30 points...
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
I'm an Uncle!
Close enough really.
My best friend Aaron and his wife Angie have had a daughter!
Layla Grace was born on the 24th of May, about three weeks early. She must have been an impatient little girl, much like her father. He was a month early when he was born, and hasn't really started being patient since. Actually it will be hard to pin any specific traits of this young child on one parent or the other as they are quite alike. Well, if she becomes neat and orderly, then were goin' with Angie on that, otherwise, its a wash.
As I was shopping for a present for this young wunderkind, I came across some baby clothes that just had your typical duckies, bunnies, and poohs. That's Winnie folks, these were clean clothes.
None of them really spoke 'Aaron' to me, so I thought of a few things that should, and maybe will be printed on baby clothes in the future. These are definitely more to Aaron's, maybe Angie's, and my own sense of humor. Now I've never seen anything like this, maybe I need to go into business and start popping them out. The clothes, not the babies...
- Doesn't play well with other babies.
- I'm dressed and out of bed, what more do you want?
- Goo goo? Ga Ga? I can't form syllables, what's your excuse?
- I have the body of a god, unfortunately it's Buddha.
- (on the onesies with footies) Don't you wish you looked this cute in a full body suit?
- Duct tape may hold the world together dad, but my diapers?
- Eating Disorder. I can't keep from putting my foot in my mouth.
- P.U.! I can't change myself, what's your excuse?
- Consciousness, the annoying time between naps.
- You're paranoid? Try living with a baby monitor.
And my two favorite,
- I survived birth, and all I got way this lousy onesie.
- (for the future, and printed on the butt) How's my crawling? 1-800-GOODGRL
Let's get some iron on letters and go to work!
My best friend Aaron and his wife Angie have had a daughter!
Layla Grace was born on the 24th of May, about three weeks early. She must have been an impatient little girl, much like her father. He was a month early when he was born, and hasn't really started being patient since. Actually it will be hard to pin any specific traits of this young child on one parent or the other as they are quite alike. Well, if she becomes neat and orderly, then were goin' with Angie on that, otherwise, its a wash.
As I was shopping for a present for this young wunderkind, I came across some baby clothes that just had your typical duckies, bunnies, and poohs. That's Winnie folks, these were clean clothes.
None of them really spoke 'Aaron' to me, so I thought of a few things that should, and maybe will be printed on baby clothes in the future. These are definitely more to Aaron's, maybe Angie's, and my own sense of humor. Now I've never seen anything like this, maybe I need to go into business and start popping them out. The clothes, not the babies...
- Doesn't play well with other babies.
- I'm dressed and out of bed, what more do you want?
- Goo goo? Ga Ga? I can't form syllables, what's your excuse?
- I have the body of a god, unfortunately it's Buddha.
- (on the onesies with footies) Don't you wish you looked this cute in a full body suit?
- Duct tape may hold the world together dad, but my diapers?
- Eating Disorder. I can't keep from putting my foot in my mouth.
- P.U.! I can't change myself, what's your excuse?
- Consciousness, the annoying time between naps.
- You're paranoid? Try living with a baby monitor.
And my two favorite,
- I survived birth, and all I got way this lousy onesie.
- (for the future, and printed on the butt) How's my crawling? 1-800-GOODGRL
Let's get some iron on letters and go to work!
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Chuck Norris a modern day legend?
What is the deal about Chuck Norris these days?
I have noticed profiles and groups on various sites that are nothing short of a sarcastic homage to this man. The problem is the people who start these things sarcastically state that the sarcasm isn't true, that Chuck Norris is freakin' awesome!
This is how trouble starts.
Two hundred years from now, there will be a statue or ten erected to this man just because of these goings on.
How many other cases throughout history are due to the blowing out of proportion the deeds and words of men and women?
Joseph Heller, the author of such books as Catch 22, and Closing Time, also wrote a book called 'God Knows'. It is the fictional memoirs of King David of Israel as written on his death bed. In them he writes that Solomon was a fool and wrote down everything David said. Everything, even when ordering a meal, Solomon wrote it down. At some point in his life, King David jokingly called someone as wise as Solomon. The person took it seriously and then both he and Solomon were considered wise. Look how that has taken hold! Solomon didn't even think that cutting the baby in half would harm it! He wasn't thinking. He was blunt! Dumb! Clueless!
There's one case. What about people we revere throughout history? Our presidents, athletes, statesmen, authors, and artists all have a blind eye turned to their transgressions, and they eventually, through lack of remembering the bad stuff, become revered! I'm sure there's a kernel of truth if not more to the idea that the Patriots of the American Revolution used a TON of propaganda to curry favor in their war. But it is passed over and forgotten. So be it, no big deal.
But by god is Chuck Norris eventually becomes revered as a direct result from these jokes, I'll be spinning in my grave, and not due to a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris...
Chuck-isms
-• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
- Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris can eat not just six Saltine crackers in a minute, but six sleeves of them. Remarkably, this ability has nothing to do with roundhouse kicks; he just loves eating crackers.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for acquired and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
- Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
- There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
- One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
- Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
- Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
- Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
- After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
- Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
- Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
- Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
- There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
- In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
- Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
- Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
- Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
- Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
- CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
- Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
- If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
- Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
- The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
- Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Fuck was That?"
- Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
- When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
And my personal favorite...
- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Monday, May 29, 2006
When Snow Goons Attack
A couple of folks have asked me,
'Dave, why don't you include some of the other funniest things they say?'
Well, I am trying to keep this in the realm of quotes that can almost be used as sayings in everyday life. Well, maybe 'Girls have more delicate heinies' can't be used in most people's everyday life, but I can see the use of said quote being poignant and hilarious on a given evening.
Scene : a lightly smoky local watering hole with Tom Petty, Prince, and 70s southern rock rotating on the jukebox. A group of friends surrounds four tables pushed together with the partially forgotten remnants of a drinking game called 'Josh gets naked' strewn about. Pitchers, four shot glasses with goldschlager, and a few mixed drinks also grace the table top.
Girl 1: Ok, that's a four. I give 6. That means you take 6. Hey you! 6 drinks!
Boy 1: ahh, screw it no one is paying attention anymore.
Boy 2 is kind of paying attention.
Girl 1: Well, we are so take them.
Boy 1: Ok, but you're gonna pay for those.
Girl 1: No I won't! All your cards are used up.
Boy 1: (seductively) There are... other ways to make you pay.
Boy 1 makes a spanking motion
Girl 1 squirms and makes a disapproving face.
Girl 1: You aren't slapping my ass, but (playfully) I might get yours.
Girl 1 throws a wink.
Boy 1: (jokingly upset) Well that's crap. How come you can't be spanked, but I can be?
Jukebox decides to switch to a new song just as Boy 2 speaks up...
Boy 2: Girls have more delicate heinies.
Entire table and part of the bar crowd turn around to the sound of the last sentence. Three fourths of the crowd erupts in laughter. Boy 1 and Girl 1 turn red sheepishly realizing that not only was Boy 2 listening to the conversation, but so were the other three fourths of the crowd.
And....scene.
A guy can have the timing, and the lines, but I must give credit to Mr Watterson for getting the laugh that night.
On to the next book...
'Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons'
- It's no fun to play games with a poor sport.
- Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.
- Some people just don't have inquisitive minds.
- Another day, another dollar, another irreplaceable chuck out of a finite and rapidly passing lifetime.
- Everybody's a slave to routine.
- It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
- My upbringing is filled with inconsistent messages.
- I don't need to do a better job, I need better P.R. on the job I do.
- We don't attend parties, we just crash 'em.
- Everything's gotta have rules, rules, rules!
- Girls are so weird.
- I think football is a sport the way ducks think hunting is a sport.
- They say winning isn't everything, and I've decided to take their word for it.
- I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.
- In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
- It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
- Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous.
- The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.
- The surgeon general should issue a warning about playing with girls.
- Any idiot can be famous. I figure I'm more the legendary type.
- I like people to be impressed when I fulfill the least of my obligations.
- You just can't ever be too careful.
- It must be sad being a species with so little imagination.
- Maybe good is more than the absence of bad.
- The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
- Moms and reason are like oil and water.
- I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.
- I suppose if I had two X chromosomes, I'd feel hostile too.
- I think real living is sitting by the fire, slurping marshmallows from the bottom of a mug of hot cocoa.
- I think grown-ups just act like they know what they are doing.
'Dave, why don't you include some of the other funniest things they say?'
Well, I am trying to keep this in the realm of quotes that can almost be used as sayings in everyday life. Well, maybe 'Girls have more delicate heinies' can't be used in most people's everyday life, but I can see the use of said quote being poignant and hilarious on a given evening.
Scene : a lightly smoky local watering hole with Tom Petty, Prince, and 70s southern rock rotating on the jukebox. A group of friends surrounds four tables pushed together with the partially forgotten remnants of a drinking game called 'Josh gets naked' strewn about. Pitchers, four shot glasses with goldschlager, and a few mixed drinks also grace the table top.
Girl 1: Ok, that's a four. I give 6. That means you take 6. Hey you! 6 drinks!
Boy 1: ahh, screw it no one is paying attention anymore.
Boy 2 is kind of paying attention.
Girl 1: Well, we are so take them.
Boy 1: Ok, but you're gonna pay for those.
Girl 1: No I won't! All your cards are used up.
Boy 1: (seductively) There are... other ways to make you pay.
Boy 1 makes a spanking motion
Girl 1 squirms and makes a disapproving face.
Girl 1: You aren't slapping my ass, but (playfully) I might get yours.
Girl 1 throws a wink.
Boy 1: (jokingly upset) Well that's crap. How come you can't be spanked, but I can be?
Jukebox decides to switch to a new song just as Boy 2 speaks up...
Boy 2: Girls have more delicate heinies.
Entire table and part of the bar crowd turn around to the sound of the last sentence. Three fourths of the crowd erupts in laughter. Boy 1 and Girl 1 turn red sheepishly realizing that not only was Boy 2 listening to the conversation, but so were the other three fourths of the crowd.
And....scene.
A guy can have the timing, and the lines, but I must give credit to Mr Watterson for getting the laugh that night.
On to the next book...
'Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons'
- It's no fun to play games with a poor sport.
- Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.
- Some people just don't have inquisitive minds.
- Another day, another dollar, another irreplaceable chuck out of a finite and rapidly passing lifetime.
- Everybody's a slave to routine.
- It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
- My upbringing is filled with inconsistent messages.
- I don't need to do a better job, I need better P.R. on the job I do.
- We don't attend parties, we just crash 'em.
- Everything's gotta have rules, rules, rules!
- Girls are so weird.
- I think football is a sport the way ducks think hunting is a sport.
- They say winning isn't everything, and I've decided to take their word for it.
- I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.
- In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
- It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
- Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous.
- The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.
- The surgeon general should issue a warning about playing with girls.
- Any idiot can be famous. I figure I'm more the legendary type.
- I like people to be impressed when I fulfill the least of my obligations.
- You just can't ever be too careful.
- It must be sad being a species with so little imagination.
- Maybe good is more than the absence of bad.
- The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
- Moms and reason are like oil and water.
- I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.
- I suppose if I had two X chromosomes, I'd feel hostile too.
- I think real living is sitting by the fire, slurping marshmallows from the bottom of a mug of hot cocoa.
- I think grown-ups just act like they know what they are doing.
Scientific Progress Does Indeed Make A Noise
Scientific progress does indeed make a noise, the question is, what noise does it make?
Is it the dull thud of an apple knocking someone upside their head?
The KA-freakin-BOOM of an atomic bomb being dropped?
Or is it simply 'Boink'?
'Scientific Progress Goes 'Boink''
- I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big.
- The problem with people is that they're only human.
- You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place...(hobbes)...That's why animals are so soft and huggy.
- It's sad how some people can't handle a little variety.
Xmas Eve
On window panes, the icy frost
Leaves feathered patterns, crissed & crossed,
But in our house the Christmas tree
Is decorated festively
With tiny dots of colored light
That cozy up this winter night.
Christmas songs, familiar, slow,
Play softly on the radio.
Pops and hisses from the fire
Whistle with the bells and choir.
My tiger is now fast asleep
On his back and dreaming deep.
When the fire makes him hot,
He turns to warm whatever's not.
Popped against him on the rug,
I give my friend a gentle hug.
Tomorrow's what I'm waiting for,
But I can wait a little more.
- Genius is never understood in it's own time.
- Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
- Stupidity produces antibodies.
- It's always nice to have a sympathetic friend to talk to.
- Unless you're a star, you can't please anyone.
- That crossed the line from ironic coincidence to evil omen.
- All my real skills are undervalued.
- Pander to me!
Mr Watterson's sixth book has a few less quotables in it, but some fun storylines that ran for a couple of weeks each. Always experimenting. Kudos Mr Watterson. Shall we move on to the next book?
Is it the dull thud of an apple knocking someone upside their head?
The KA-freakin-BOOM of an atomic bomb being dropped?
Or is it simply 'Boink'?
'Scientific Progress Goes 'Boink''
- I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big.
- The problem with people is that they're only human.
- You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place...(hobbes)...That's why animals are so soft and huggy.
- It's sad how some people can't handle a little variety.
Xmas Eve
On window panes, the icy frost
Leaves feathered patterns, crissed & crossed,
But in our house the Christmas tree
Is decorated festively
With tiny dots of colored light
That cozy up this winter night.
Christmas songs, familiar, slow,
Play softly on the radio.
Pops and hisses from the fire
Whistle with the bells and choir.
My tiger is now fast asleep
On his back and dreaming deep.
When the fire makes him hot,
He turns to warm whatever's not.
Popped against him on the rug,
I give my friend a gentle hug.
Tomorrow's what I'm waiting for,
But I can wait a little more.
- Genius is never understood in it's own time.
- Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
- Stupidity produces antibodies.
- It's always nice to have a sympathetic friend to talk to.
- Unless you're a star, you can't please anyone.
- That crossed the line from ironic coincidence to evil omen.
- All my real skills are undervalued.
- Pander to me!
Mr Watterson's sixth book has a few less quotables in it, but some fun storylines that ran for a couple of weeks each. Always experimenting. Kudos Mr Watterson. Shall we move on to the next book?
Saturday, May 27, 2006
There's Just Something About The Harmonica
I personally believe there is something wrong with reality television.
I personally believe there is something wrong with me because I still watch it.
And I used to think I had principles...
Reality TV can interest you if you get involved with the people, or the storylines. I couldn't believe my mother got into Top Chef recently. She's not a foody, she's not a fan of reality television unless you count Trading Spaces. She just got hooked on the relationships between the people on the show.
I tend to think there are three major things that can hook someone on a show they wouldn't normally watch.
Superior writing.
A specific character or actor and their interaction with other characters or actors.
Watched it while drunk one night.
Reality TV tends to have 'poor writing' because reality is messy.
Where they hook people is with the interactions you can't predict not only from show to show, but from year to year within the same show. Will & Grace had to end because they started become characterizations of themselves instead of real characters. American Idol can run forever if the talent continues arriving because its different people and different styles, year after year after year.
American Idol, the Juggernaut.
Up until this season I have never watched an episode of the show. What I knew of it was the crap they put on the news, and that son of a bitch bastard William Hung. All of the advertisements showed the stupid people who can't sing a lick, and think they are wonderful. That stuff drives me nuts. N, V, T, S nuts. Talk about appealing to the LCD.
This season I happened to watch an episode where the actual competition began, when it was down to 12 people. Now why aren't they pushing advertising THIS part of the show? This is the part I can get into. I thought there were about 4 or 5 in this group that could honestly have some semblance of a career in the music world. Yamin, Daughtry, Mcphee, Hicks & Lisa Tucker.
Was this just a really good year for Idol? I don't recall hearing much the other years about the other people in the show, other than the winners being that good. Of course you had the Aiken and Studdard bit, but other than that?
I'm one of the few people I know that was glad Hicks won the contest. He's just more unique than everyone else, period. I would actually buy his CD when it comes out. Not a chance with any of the other idols from the other years.
Duets I would have liked to have seen this year, but didn't:
Taylor Hicks duet with Dan Akroyd as Elwood Blues doing Sweet Home Chicago or Everybody Needs Somebody To Love.
Mcphee duet with recorded Judy Garland for Somewhere Over The Rainbow, reminiscent of what they pulled off when Natalie Cole duetted with her father in a recording.
Lisa Tucker with Mariah Carey. How did that girl not make it toward the end?
Elliot Yamin and Elvis Costello. They got close with Burt Baccarach. One degree of separation?
Prince and David Hasselhoff. I mean, come on! They were in the same room! How could they not get that magical, dream duet together!? The sweet sultry sounds of Prince and the German gibberish from Hasselhoff? Best combination since PB & J. They missed a major marketing deal here. Hasselhoff to R&B fans and Prince to an entire European country.
I would say Chris Daughtry with someone, but I honestly think Live was the perfect band for him to sing with. That was well done. And showed he could have a career with a little work.
Anyhow,
All in all, I think reality television gets kind of a bad rap because of the really bad stuff. Kind of like rap, country, and rhubarb, the most misunderstood produce item ever.
American Idol is one show I think I can safely say is good television.
Then of course, it could be because I watched it drunk one night and thought Katharine Mcphee is gorgeous. And tall. Goodness...
I personally believe there is something wrong with me because I still watch it.
And I used to think I had principles...
Reality TV can interest you if you get involved with the people, or the storylines. I couldn't believe my mother got into Top Chef recently. She's not a foody, she's not a fan of reality television unless you count Trading Spaces. She just got hooked on the relationships between the people on the show.
I tend to think there are three major things that can hook someone on a show they wouldn't normally watch.
Superior writing.
A specific character or actor and their interaction with other characters or actors.
Watched it while drunk one night.
Reality TV tends to have 'poor writing' because reality is messy.
Where they hook people is with the interactions you can't predict not only from show to show, but from year to year within the same show. Will & Grace had to end because they started become characterizations of themselves instead of real characters. American Idol can run forever if the talent continues arriving because its different people and different styles, year after year after year.
American Idol, the Juggernaut.
Up until this season I have never watched an episode of the show. What I knew of it was the crap they put on the news, and that son of a bitch bastard William Hung. All of the advertisements showed the stupid people who can't sing a lick, and think they are wonderful. That stuff drives me nuts. N, V, T, S nuts. Talk about appealing to the LCD.
This season I happened to watch an episode where the actual competition began, when it was down to 12 people. Now why aren't they pushing advertising THIS part of the show? This is the part I can get into. I thought there were about 4 or 5 in this group that could honestly have some semblance of a career in the music world. Yamin, Daughtry, Mcphee, Hicks & Lisa Tucker.
Was this just a really good year for Idol? I don't recall hearing much the other years about the other people in the show, other than the winners being that good. Of course you had the Aiken and Studdard bit, but other than that?
I'm one of the few people I know that was glad Hicks won the contest. He's just more unique than everyone else, period. I would actually buy his CD when it comes out. Not a chance with any of the other idols from the other years.
Duets I would have liked to have seen this year, but didn't:
Taylor Hicks duet with Dan Akroyd as Elwood Blues doing Sweet Home Chicago or Everybody Needs Somebody To Love.
Mcphee duet with recorded Judy Garland for Somewhere Over The Rainbow, reminiscent of what they pulled off when Natalie Cole duetted with her father in a recording.
Lisa Tucker with Mariah Carey. How did that girl not make it toward the end?
Elliot Yamin and Elvis Costello. They got close with Burt Baccarach. One degree of separation?
Prince and David Hasselhoff. I mean, come on! They were in the same room! How could they not get that magical, dream duet together!? The sweet sultry sounds of Prince and the German gibberish from Hasselhoff? Best combination since PB & J. They missed a major marketing deal here. Hasselhoff to R&B fans and Prince to an entire European country.
I would say Chris Daughtry with someone, but I honestly think Live was the perfect band for him to sing with. That was well done. And showed he could have a career with a little work.
Anyhow,
All in all, I think reality television gets kind of a bad rap because of the really bad stuff. Kind of like rap, country, and rhubarb, the most misunderstood produce item ever.
American Idol is one show I think I can safely say is good television.
Then of course, it could be because I watched it drunk one night and thought Katharine Mcphee is gorgeous. And tall. Goodness...
Friday, May 26, 2006
Calvin & Hobbes (A,H,&P IV and V))
Weirdos From Another Planet
- Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
- Physical education is what you learn from having your face in someone's armpit right before lunch.
- I've got to start listening to those quiet, naggin doubts.
- Life's a lot more fun when you're not repsonsible for your actions.
- You know, sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take the time to enjoy where we are. Days go by and we hardly notice them. Life becomes a blur. Often it takes some calamity to makes us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we've made, but it;s too late to change anything.
- At times like these, all mom can think of is how long she was in labor with me.
- We're just tiny specs on a planet hurling thorugh the infinte blacknes...let's go in and turn on all the lights.
- As if life isn't short enough.
- You can't be cool if you don't have an attitude. Hmm, we could be courteously deferential.
- Why can't I ever build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere?
- Ever notice how tense gronw-ups get when they're recreating?
- Sometimes one should just look at things and think about things, without doing things.
- The female gender would be a lot more tolerable if it wasn't so darn cynical.
- That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
- Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time.
- There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
- Acid rain, toxic wastes, holes in the ozone, sewage in the oceans...the only bright side to all this is that eventually there may not be a piece of the planet worth fighting over.
- I don't see how anyone could ever fall in love. People are jerks. ...(hobbes)... Sometimes they are, but look at all the colors on the trees toady. I think it's more fun to see something like this WITH someone then just by yourself...(calvin)...I guesssss so.
- I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
- Moms would be a lot more fun if tehy were a little more gullible.
- I feel a big sneeze welling up, which is always a sure sign that I'm not carrying a handkerchief.
- I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people.
- It must be awful to be a girl. I'm sure it's frustrating knowing that men are bigger, stronger, and better at abstract thought than women...(susie)...The thought of a jerk like you begging one of us for a date when you're 17.
- Do you think God let's you plea bargain?
Revenge of the Baby-Sat
- Mothers are the necessity of invention.
- Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
- I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.
- The best presents don't come in boxes...(they hug)...I'll treasure this one forever.
- There's nothing prettier than new fallen snow on a clear, freezing moonlit night...through a window that is.
- I suppose it's best to hold fast when you can and compromise when you need to...(calvin)...That's a lot more mature than I think I care to be.
- There's something magical about having a fire. The crackles and snaps, the warm, flickering light...everything always seems safe and cozy if you're sitting in front of a fire.
- I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like this let you savor a bad mood.
- Childhood is short and maturity is forever.
- I can't think of anything I'd rather anticipate than have right away. Can you?...(hobbes)... Death comes to mind.
- The longer you wait for the mail, the less there is in it.
- When you are serious about having fun, it's not much fun at all.
- Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.
- My likely historical significance is a terrible burden.
- I think most hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
- This is one of those things you always figure will happen to someone else...(mom)...unfortunately, we're all 'someone else' to someone else.
- A man's home is his castle, but it shouldn't have to be his fortress.
- I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known it was all going to be ad-libbed.
- I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.
- Things are never quite as scary when you have a best friend.
- People pay more attention to you when they think you're up to something.
- Mom wouldn't care about these types of things is she owuldn't keep finding out about them.
- I wish my bathtub had an agitator.
- Some women just weren't meant to be mothers.
- In my book food should be nutrition and entertainment.
- People think it must be fun to be a super-genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
- We supre-powers have it tough.
- How can kids know so much and still be so dumb.
- It's only work if somebody makes you do it.
-
- Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
- Physical education is what you learn from having your face in someone's armpit right before lunch.
- I've got to start listening to those quiet, naggin doubts.
- Life's a lot more fun when you're not repsonsible for your actions.
- You know, sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take the time to enjoy where we are. Days go by and we hardly notice them. Life becomes a blur. Often it takes some calamity to makes us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we've made, but it;s too late to change anything.
- At times like these, all mom can think of is how long she was in labor with me.
- We're just tiny specs on a planet hurling thorugh the infinte blacknes...let's go in and turn on all the lights.
- As if life isn't short enough.
- You can't be cool if you don't have an attitude. Hmm, we could be courteously deferential.
- Why can't I ever build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere?
- Ever notice how tense gronw-ups get when they're recreating?
- Sometimes one should just look at things and think about things, without doing things.
- The female gender would be a lot more tolerable if it wasn't so darn cynical.
- That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
- Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time.
- There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
- Acid rain, toxic wastes, holes in the ozone, sewage in the oceans...the only bright side to all this is that eventually there may not be a piece of the planet worth fighting over.
- I don't see how anyone could ever fall in love. People are jerks. ...(hobbes)... Sometimes they are, but look at all the colors on the trees toady. I think it's more fun to see something like this WITH someone then just by yourself...(calvin)...I guesssss so.
- I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
- Moms would be a lot more fun if tehy were a little more gullible.
- I feel a big sneeze welling up, which is always a sure sign that I'm not carrying a handkerchief.
- I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people.
- It must be awful to be a girl. I'm sure it's frustrating knowing that men are bigger, stronger, and better at abstract thought than women...(susie)...The thought of a jerk like you begging one of us for a date when you're 17.
- Do you think God let's you plea bargain?
Revenge of the Baby-Sat
- Mothers are the necessity of invention.
- Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
- I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.
- The best presents don't come in boxes...(they hug)...I'll treasure this one forever.
- There's nothing prettier than new fallen snow on a clear, freezing moonlit night...through a window that is.
- I suppose it's best to hold fast when you can and compromise when you need to...(calvin)...That's a lot more mature than I think I care to be.
- There's something magical about having a fire. The crackles and snaps, the warm, flickering light...everything always seems safe and cozy if you're sitting in front of a fire.
- I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like this let you savor a bad mood.
- Childhood is short and maturity is forever.
- I can't think of anything I'd rather anticipate than have right away. Can you?...(hobbes)... Death comes to mind.
- The longer you wait for the mail, the less there is in it.
- When you are serious about having fun, it's not much fun at all.
- Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.
- My likely historical significance is a terrible burden.
- I think most hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
- This is one of those things you always figure will happen to someone else...(mom)...unfortunately, we're all 'someone else' to someone else.
- A man's home is his castle, but it shouldn't have to be his fortress.
- I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known it was all going to be ad-libbed.
- I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.
- Things are never quite as scary when you have a best friend.
- People pay more attention to you when they think you're up to something.
- Mom wouldn't care about these types of things is she owuldn't keep finding out about them.
- I wish my bathtub had an agitator.
- Some women just weren't meant to be mothers.
- In my book food should be nutrition and entertainment.
- People think it must be fun to be a super-genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
- We supre-powers have it tough.
- How can kids know so much and still be so dumb.
- It's only work if somebody makes you do it.
-
I.V....That's Old School for Four...
I.V....that's old school for four.
I.V....that's new school for intra-venous.
In Vino Veritas.
That's roughly old school for 'There is Truth in Wine'.
Patricia's Foods, where you 'Come Find Your Smile' had a wine tasting event last night. As an employee of the company, I tend to work the majority of these events. Whether it is pouring for the customers, offering serving suggestions and comparable varieties, or demo-ing a new specialty food product such as the ever popular Abita Root Beer mixed with Cask & Cream.
Root Beer Float
1 part Natural root beer (Abita, Boylan's, etc...)
1 part Cask & Cream
Use a natural root beer so the sugars meld better. A non-natural root beer can curdle the drink or cause a really bitter taste. Use cask & cream over Bailey's. The brandy based C&C again melds better than the irish whiskey base in Bailey's.
Fantastico.
Anyhow, this tasting I was at as a participant. And I participated, participated, participated. Let's see there was the...
Adam Puchta Norton - A+ - not usually a fan of dry reds. this one was not super dry and very well balanced. favorite of the bunch.
Les Bourgeois Syrah - A - Again with the drier reds! Very good wine, quite tasty. yummm
Cline 'Ancient Vines' Zinfindel - A - Apparently I found a taste for dry red wine recently and this one rounded out the top three of the day for me.
Les Bourgeois Chardonel - B+ - pear flavor dry white with a smooth clean finish
Adam Puchta Vignoles - B - sweet white, very good, but not tart enough for my tastes
Chateau Ste. Michelle 'Horse Heaven' Savvy Blanc - B - great mid dry/sweet vanilla, grapefruit
Folie a Deux Menage a Trois Rose - C+ - merlot/syrah/gewurtz mix. interesting
Adam Puchta Blush - C+ - best blush i can recall, maybe due to watermelon/passion fruit tinges
Les Bourgeois Solay - C - good drinkable cheaper blend that includes 50% chardonel.
Les Bourgeois Vignoles-Traminette - D+ - kinda blah, not sweet or tart, just..there
Pedroncelli 'Russian River Valley' Pinot Noir - D - only pinot noirs i like have a strawberry tinge
Chateau Ste Michelle 'Indian Wells' Merlot - D - still don't like the merlots apparently...
Adam Puchta Jazz Berry - F - apparently a you love it or you hate it wine. might as well drink Boone's for the sweetness level. an off raspberry flavor
Well, after a quick try (or two) of each of these wines, I headed off to Legends for a little hang out time. One of those nights where you just need to 'chill'.
Once again I was congratulated by some and berated by others for using big words like 'Symbiotic Relationship' in the conversation.
Near the end of the night I received a text from a young lady who I hadn't seen in a while. I left, hoping to hang out with her for a while, but those plans were foiled. So what did I do? Went home and ended up finding a good, nay, GREAT webpage that had the tenets of the philosophy of Epicurus. Fair warning that a blog of Epicurus is forthcoming.
So in a way, an evening that started with wine, ended up with some truths.
Funny how we find truth in some of the oddest places. Wine and the internet. I though that combination would be much more likely to lead to bad online purchases, drunk messaging friends that live an ocean away, or bleary eyes due to surfing too long. Not that those didn't occur as well of course...
I.V....that's new school for intra-venous.
In Vino Veritas.
That's roughly old school for 'There is Truth in Wine'.
Patricia's Foods, where you 'Come Find Your Smile' had a wine tasting event last night. As an employee of the company, I tend to work the majority of these events. Whether it is pouring for the customers, offering serving suggestions and comparable varieties, or demo-ing a new specialty food product such as the ever popular Abita Root Beer mixed with Cask & Cream.
Root Beer Float
1 part Natural root beer (Abita, Boylan's, etc...)
1 part Cask & Cream
Use a natural root beer so the sugars meld better. A non-natural root beer can curdle the drink or cause a really bitter taste. Use cask & cream over Bailey's. The brandy based C&C again melds better than the irish whiskey base in Bailey's.
Fantastico.
Anyhow, this tasting I was at as a participant. And I participated, participated, participated. Let's see there was the...
Adam Puchta Norton - A+ - not usually a fan of dry reds. this one was not super dry and very well balanced. favorite of the bunch.
Les Bourgeois Syrah - A - Again with the drier reds! Very good wine, quite tasty. yummm
Cline 'Ancient Vines' Zinfindel - A - Apparently I found a taste for dry red wine recently and this one rounded out the top three of the day for me.
Les Bourgeois Chardonel - B+ - pear flavor dry white with a smooth clean finish
Adam Puchta Vignoles - B - sweet white, very good, but not tart enough for my tastes
Chateau Ste. Michelle 'Horse Heaven' Savvy Blanc - B - great mid dry/sweet vanilla, grapefruit
Folie a Deux Menage a Trois Rose - C+ - merlot/syrah/gewurtz mix. interesting
Adam Puchta Blush - C+ - best blush i can recall, maybe due to watermelon/passion fruit tinges
Les Bourgeois Solay - C - good drinkable cheaper blend that includes 50% chardonel.
Les Bourgeois Vignoles-Traminette - D+ - kinda blah, not sweet or tart, just..there
Pedroncelli 'Russian River Valley' Pinot Noir - D - only pinot noirs i like have a strawberry tinge
Chateau Ste Michelle 'Indian Wells' Merlot - D - still don't like the merlots apparently...
Adam Puchta Jazz Berry - F - apparently a you love it or you hate it wine. might as well drink Boone's for the sweetness level. an off raspberry flavor
Well, after a quick try (or two) of each of these wines, I headed off to Legends for a little hang out time. One of those nights where you just need to 'chill'.
Once again I was congratulated by some and berated by others for using big words like 'Symbiotic Relationship' in the conversation.
Near the end of the night I received a text from a young lady who I hadn't seen in a while. I left, hoping to hang out with her for a while, but those plans were foiled. So what did I do? Went home and ended up finding a good, nay, GREAT webpage that had the tenets of the philosophy of Epicurus. Fair warning that a blog of Epicurus is forthcoming.
So in a way, an evening that started with wine, ended up with some truths.
Funny how we find truth in some of the oddest places. Wine and the internet. I though that combination would be much more likely to lead to bad online purchases, drunk messaging friends that live an ocean away, or bleary eyes due to surfing too long. Not that those didn't occur as well of course...
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
A, H, & P III
So today was going to begin with golf at 8 in the morning.
That didn't happen.
Strange that this is so, considering the person planning it got a bit plastered last night.
So instead today has been a day treating myself. Some reading, a lot of music, watched a quick movie while doing a little work(so it's not all treating myself).
In the course of my reading, I decided to pop up another blog of Calvin quotes for all of you good hearted people who are reading this. Are there actually any of you reading this? I'm aware I missed a month or so of blogging, and so lost a lot of my readership, but here's hoping that at least some of you that are now getting back to Sarah's blog might happen to stop by mine as well.
POO : Awesome job by Sarah and the Code Red Crew! Love the blog on stltoday, and congrats on being picked to do it for a good long time now. Keep the great place ideas coming. Now I'll finally be able to offer some ideas when I come to town for visits!
Check it out people:
www.stltoday.com/blogs/category/entertainment-20bucks-code-red/
UPOO
Oh yeah,
POO: P.O.O. means Point Of Order, a sidebar if you will. and UPOO is basically Un-Point Of Order. I sometimes forget the crap I do automatically that makes other people scratch their heads...If they are brave enough to even attempt figuring me out that is...
UPOO
Yukon Ho!
- I obey the letter of the law, if not the spirit.
- Natural exuberance is one of those qualities that makes me so darn endearing.
- Even though we're both talking English, we're not speaking the same language.
- Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.
- Girls flip for guys in jams.
- I'm easily wiled by a woman in a swimsuit.
- I'll bet future civilizations find out more about us than we'd like them to know.
- I take it there's no qualifying exam to be a dad.
- One of the best things about summer is going to sleep with the fan on. The gentle breeze blowing, the droning hum...Everything seems safe and serene when the fan is on. It's cool and lulling and perfect for sleep.
- Someday I hope you have a kid that puts you through what I've gone through. Yeah, that's what grandma says she used to tell YOU.
- Sometimes the anticipation of something is more fun than the thing itself once you get it.
- The end of summer is always hard on me...Trying to cram in all the goofing off I've been meaning to do.
- They can make me do it, but they can't make me do it with dignity.
- The only reason mom and dad are my parents is because I was born to them.
- Leave it to a mother to drag out a goodbye.
- My life needs a rewind/erase button. ....And a volume control.
- Girls are like slugs-they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.
- People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
- Any day you have to take a bath and go to bed early isn't a day off in my book.
- Sometimes its good to hush up a while and let Autumn stick in a few words.
- If you don't get a goodnight kiss, you get Kafka dreams.
- I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.
- Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?
- Santa Claus : kindly old elf, or CIA spook?
- This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery? If the guy exists, why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it? And if he doesn't exist, what's the meaning of all this? I dunno...Isn't this a religious holiday? Yeah, but actually I've got the same questions about God.
- How cynically enterprising of you. It's the spirit of Christmas.
- What do you think is the meaning of true happiness? Is it money, cars and women? ...Or is it just money and cars?
- Nobody ever closed school on account of prettiness.
- I had resolved to be less offended by human nature, but I think I blew it already.
- Sometimes I think all my friends have been imaginary.
- Nobody knows how to pamper like a mom.
That didn't happen.
Strange that this is so, considering the person planning it got a bit plastered last night.
So instead today has been a day treating myself. Some reading, a lot of music, watched a quick movie while doing a little work(so it's not all treating myself).
In the course of my reading, I decided to pop up another blog of Calvin quotes for all of you good hearted people who are reading this. Are there actually any of you reading this? I'm aware I missed a month or so of blogging, and so lost a lot of my readership, but here's hoping that at least some of you that are now getting back to Sarah's blog might happen to stop by mine as well.
POO : Awesome job by Sarah and the Code Red Crew! Love the blog on stltoday, and congrats on being picked to do it for a good long time now. Keep the great place ideas coming. Now I'll finally be able to offer some ideas when I come to town for visits!
Check it out people:
www.stltoday.com/blogs/category/entertainment-20bucks-code-red/
UPOO
Oh yeah,
POO: P.O.O. means Point Of Order, a sidebar if you will. and UPOO is basically Un-Point Of Order. I sometimes forget the crap I do automatically that makes other people scratch their heads...If they are brave enough to even attempt figuring me out that is...
UPOO
Yukon Ho!
- I obey the letter of the law, if not the spirit.
- Natural exuberance is one of those qualities that makes me so darn endearing.
- Even though we're both talking English, we're not speaking the same language.
- Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.
- Girls flip for guys in jams.
- I'm easily wiled by a woman in a swimsuit.
- I'll bet future civilizations find out more about us than we'd like them to know.
- I take it there's no qualifying exam to be a dad.
- One of the best things about summer is going to sleep with the fan on. The gentle breeze blowing, the droning hum...Everything seems safe and serene when the fan is on. It's cool and lulling and perfect for sleep.
- Someday I hope you have a kid that puts you through what I've gone through. Yeah, that's what grandma says she used to tell YOU.
- Sometimes the anticipation of something is more fun than the thing itself once you get it.
- The end of summer is always hard on me...Trying to cram in all the goofing off I've been meaning to do.
- They can make me do it, but they can't make me do it with dignity.
- The only reason mom and dad are my parents is because I was born to them.
- Leave it to a mother to drag out a goodbye.
- My life needs a rewind/erase button. ....And a volume control.
- Girls are like slugs-they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.
- People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
- Any day you have to take a bath and go to bed early isn't a day off in my book.
- Sometimes its good to hush up a while and let Autumn stick in a few words.
- If you don't get a goodnight kiss, you get Kafka dreams.
- I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.
- Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?
- Santa Claus : kindly old elf, or CIA spook?
- This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery? If the guy exists, why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it? And if he doesn't exist, what's the meaning of all this? I dunno...Isn't this a religious holiday? Yeah, but actually I've got the same questions about God.
- How cynically enterprising of you. It's the spirit of Christmas.
- What do you think is the meaning of true happiness? Is it money, cars and women? ...Or is it just money and cars?
- Nobody ever closed school on account of prettiness.
- I had resolved to be less offended by human nature, but I think I blew it already.
- Sometimes I think all my friends have been imaginary.
- Nobody knows how to pamper like a mom.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Sheep
This is a kick.
Go to your music player, set it to shuffle/random, and answer the following questions with the title of the FIRST song that you skip to each time. No cheating! (this may be a challenge for those of you that dont believe in shuffle--you know who you are!)
The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say:
'Let's Get It On' - Tenacious D...and if you feel like I feel sugah....I'm doing this while killing time before going to the bar to celebrate the birthday. Chances are this will be on the jukebox, so I may have to get up and sing now...
Your favorite thing to say when happy is:
'We Built This City' - Starship....Some say 'Hooray!' or 'Yippee!' I'm more of a bad synth-80s rock type...
Your message to the world:
'Fantastic Voyage' - Coolio...it's all one big long fantastic voyage people....
Your deepest secret:
'Act A Fool' - Ludacris...I'm pretty sure most people know I act a fool pretty often...
Your innermost desire:
'Screamer'- Good Charlotte....I prefer things quieter really....
Your oldest memory makes you think:
'I Get High' - Styles.....'i get high on your memory' is one of the first lines, high on life baby!...
Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include:
'Satellite' - Dave Matthews...'and while i spend these hours, five senses reeling' that could be a good line for some nuptials...
On your deathbed, you'll whisper:
'I Kissed A Girl' - Jill Sobule.....or two, or three, or four, or five....
Your friends say behind your back:
'Kiss and Tell' - G Love & Special Sauce.....me, nay, I'm a gentleman....
You say behind your friends' back:
'Give A Little Bit' - Supertramp......'give a little bit, give a little bit of your love to me'...
Your opinion of email forwards:
'In The Garage' - Weezer...that should say garbage really....
When you wake up in the morning, you mutter:
'Losing You' - New Amsterdams....sleep, im losing you!!!
If you found yourself lost on a desert island, you'd yell:
'Policy of Truth' - Depeche Mode...the truth will set you free, maybe it will get you off a deserted island, too...
Right now, your feelings are:
'Hopes Up' - Soul Asylum...hopes are up for a good time tonight!
What's your excuse for forwarding this email?:
'Do Right' - Jimmie's Chicken Shack....doin' right by Jamil
Your life's soundtracK:
'Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World' - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole...perfect, couldn't ask for a better soundtrack to life, expecially after all the insights to the movie/song that i picked up from Tracy & Mike's wedding...
Your farewell message to the readers of this:
'Bang Bang Bang' - Group X.....hahahahahahahahaha, perfect....
***Now, put the next randomly chosen song as the title of this email, and repost the bulletin!
Go to your music player, set it to shuffle/random, and answer the following questions with the title of the FIRST song that you skip to each time. No cheating! (this may be a challenge for those of you that dont believe in shuffle--you know who you are!)
The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say:
'Let's Get It On' - Tenacious D...and if you feel like I feel sugah....I'm doing this while killing time before going to the bar to celebrate the birthday. Chances are this will be on the jukebox, so I may have to get up and sing now...
Your favorite thing to say when happy is:
'We Built This City' - Starship....Some say 'Hooray!' or 'Yippee!' I'm more of a bad synth-80s rock type...
Your message to the world:
'Fantastic Voyage' - Coolio...it's all one big long fantastic voyage people....
Your deepest secret:
'Act A Fool' - Ludacris...I'm pretty sure most people know I act a fool pretty often...
Your innermost desire:
'Screamer'- Good Charlotte....I prefer things quieter really....
Your oldest memory makes you think:
'I Get High' - Styles.....'i get high on your memory' is one of the first lines, high on life baby!...
Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include:
'Satellite' - Dave Matthews...'and while i spend these hours, five senses reeling' that could be a good line for some nuptials...
On your deathbed, you'll whisper:
'I Kissed A Girl' - Jill Sobule.....or two, or three, or four, or five....
Your friends say behind your back:
'Kiss and Tell' - G Love & Special Sauce.....me, nay, I'm a gentleman....
You say behind your friends' back:
'Give A Little Bit' - Supertramp......'give a little bit, give a little bit of your love to me'...
Your opinion of email forwards:
'In The Garage' - Weezer...that should say garbage really....
When you wake up in the morning, you mutter:
'Losing You' - New Amsterdams....sleep, im losing you!!!
If you found yourself lost on a desert island, you'd yell:
'Policy of Truth' - Depeche Mode...the truth will set you free, maybe it will get you off a deserted island, too...
Right now, your feelings are:
'Hopes Up' - Soul Asylum...hopes are up for a good time tonight!
What's your excuse for forwarding this email?:
'Do Right' - Jimmie's Chicken Shack....doin' right by Jamil
Your life's soundtracK:
'Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World' - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole...perfect, couldn't ask for a better soundtrack to life, expecially after all the insights to the movie/song that i picked up from Tracy & Mike's wedding...
Your farewell message to the readers of this:
'Bang Bang Bang' - Group X.....hahahahahahahahaha, perfect....
***Now, put the next randomly chosen song as the title of this email, and repost the bulletin!
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Personality
A few days ago I was talking with Amy and found out an old friend of ours from freshman year of college has a baby! This news excited me! Explanation time....
When you were in Elementary school, what did you do when you went home after school?
Maybe sit right down and do your homework? Hahahaha, ah ha, ha, hoo.....sorry, let me wipe away the tears there....ahhh
Watch a little TV? Animaniacs? Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Jeopardy (I'm a dork, this has already been established.)
Play outside? A little Hop-Box, Jail break, Toccer, or snow fort building?
We did all that, but what most sticks out in my mind is playing with babies.
Of course there was my little sister who came around when I turned 5. Or the various cousins that my mother watched. Aaron, and Jason, and Lauren I remember at our house as babies a lot. But, our mother from time to time while we were growing up watched a few of the neighborhood babies while their mother's were at work. There are two specific ones I remember the most. I would have been about....10 or maybe a little older when she started watching them. They were adorable. Lauren and Margaret. They weren't sisters, and they were rarely at the house on the same days, but when they were, watch out, we had good times. Or on snow days, when we wouldn't go to school, but the adults still had to go to work. Full baby day!
These days probably assisted my becoming an absolute fool for babies, but i think it may be genetic as well. My folks are gonzo over babies all the time. Our grandparents were likewise. Most of our aunts and uncles, too. Now I know that lots of people go gaga for babies, but I think the trend in our family is slightly high. Or maybe I think so because of how much of a difference there can be between someone's usual demeanor and attitude, and those traits around a baby.
Long story short, too late I know, I like babies a lot.
So I wanted to see a picture of Michele's baby. To do this I joined MySpace. Scary at the best of times joining one of these sites. Who knows what friends from the past can come out of the woodwork on one of these sites. But I joined, caught up with a few people, and saw some baby pictures! Life is good.
But then I was reminded of a few other sites like that that I used to be a part of and I looked them up. I found one site that has all kinds of tests and keeps record of your scores on these tests.
I love tests. Standardized? Great. Math? Perfect. I even see trivia games like a test. I tend to only be competitive when it comes to my brain. Some might say overly competitive. I'll take that as a character flaw though. As they go, I don't see it as so bad.
Some of the tests on these sites include personality tests. The main one gives me 'The Boy Next Door' moniker. I'm comfortable with this. At least it isn't The Teddy Bear....
THE BOY NEXT DOOR
Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.
We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.
On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.
More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.
THE END
Mostly true, I don't deny it. Except for the man next door part, ewww.
But elsewhere on this site, put together by some other third party was another personality test, which of course I took. Overkill is also a character flaw of mine, so sue me.
THE ARCHITECT
You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more thinking based than feeling based, and you prefer to go with the flow rather than have a routine. The single word to describe your type is the Architect, which belongs to the larger group of rationals. You wish to sculpt the world around you. Others often find you arrogant, yet you have no desire to direct others, only to inform them. You must know the structure of things, and have a voracious appetite for knowledge. You are very rational in everything you do, and probably consider yourself smarter than most.
As a romantic partner, you can be playful with great energy to get things started, but not quite as good on follow through. You may have a tendency to hurt the more emotional types unintentionally by not sharing your own reactions and feelings as you can get swept up in your own ideas and projects. You want to be appreciated for your ability to respond quickly and to fix problems creatively. You need plenty of time to yourself - therefore your partner must respect your need for independence and originality.
THE END
I italicized the parts of that one that are dead on. Other parts are kinda true, but slightly hazy.
Sometimes its kind of scary what answering a few questions can show, generally of course, what kind of person you are.
Or is it just how you see yourself? Not as others see you?
Slightly adjusted quote of the day:
...faith is but a birthmark with which we are born, an impalpable umbilicus to time and place, which we rarely ponder to cut. Had your soul or mine cried its first in the Arab land, then a Muslim would you or I be.'
- the old Jew from In The Hand Of Dante by Nick Tosches
When you were in Elementary school, what did you do when you went home after school?
Maybe sit right down and do your homework? Hahahaha, ah ha, ha, hoo.....sorry, let me wipe away the tears there....ahhh
Watch a little TV? Animaniacs? Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Jeopardy (I'm a dork, this has already been established.)
Play outside? A little Hop-Box, Jail break, Toccer, or snow fort building?
We did all that, but what most sticks out in my mind is playing with babies.
Of course there was my little sister who came around when I turned 5. Or the various cousins that my mother watched. Aaron, and Jason, and Lauren I remember at our house as babies a lot. But, our mother from time to time while we were growing up watched a few of the neighborhood babies while their mother's were at work. There are two specific ones I remember the most. I would have been about....10 or maybe a little older when she started watching them. They were adorable. Lauren and Margaret. They weren't sisters, and they were rarely at the house on the same days, but when they were, watch out, we had good times. Or on snow days, when we wouldn't go to school, but the adults still had to go to work. Full baby day!
These days probably assisted my becoming an absolute fool for babies, but i think it may be genetic as well. My folks are gonzo over babies all the time. Our grandparents were likewise. Most of our aunts and uncles, too. Now I know that lots of people go gaga for babies, but I think the trend in our family is slightly high. Or maybe I think so because of how much of a difference there can be between someone's usual demeanor and attitude, and those traits around a baby.
Long story short, too late I know, I like babies a lot.
So I wanted to see a picture of Michele's baby. To do this I joined MySpace. Scary at the best of times joining one of these sites. Who knows what friends from the past can come out of the woodwork on one of these sites. But I joined, caught up with a few people, and saw some baby pictures! Life is good.
But then I was reminded of a few other sites like that that I used to be a part of and I looked them up. I found one site that has all kinds of tests and keeps record of your scores on these tests.
I love tests. Standardized? Great. Math? Perfect. I even see trivia games like a test. I tend to only be competitive when it comes to my brain. Some might say overly competitive. I'll take that as a character flaw though. As they go, I don't see it as so bad.
Some of the tests on these sites include personality tests. The main one gives me 'The Boy Next Door' moniker. I'm comfortable with this. At least it isn't The Teddy Bear....
THE BOY NEXT DOOR
Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.
We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.
On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.
More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.
THE END
Mostly true, I don't deny it. Except for the man next door part, ewww.
But elsewhere on this site, put together by some other third party was another personality test, which of course I took. Overkill is also a character flaw of mine, so sue me.
THE ARCHITECT
You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more thinking based than feeling based, and you prefer to go with the flow rather than have a routine. The single word to describe your type is the Architect, which belongs to the larger group of rationals. You wish to sculpt the world around you. Others often find you arrogant, yet you have no desire to direct others, only to inform them. You must know the structure of things, and have a voracious appetite for knowledge. You are very rational in everything you do, and probably consider yourself smarter than most.
As a romantic partner, you can be playful with great energy to get things started, but not quite as good on follow through. You may have a tendency to hurt the more emotional types unintentionally by not sharing your own reactions and feelings as you can get swept up in your own ideas and projects. You want to be appreciated for your ability to respond quickly and to fix problems creatively. You need plenty of time to yourself - therefore your partner must respect your need for independence and originality.
THE END
I italicized the parts of that one that are dead on. Other parts are kinda true, but slightly hazy.
Sometimes its kind of scary what answering a few questions can show, generally of course, what kind of person you are.
Or is it just how you see yourself? Not as others see you?
Slightly adjusted quote of the day:
...faith is but a birthmark with which we are born, an impalpable umbilicus to time and place, which we rarely ponder to cut. Had your soul or mine cried its first in the Arab land, then a Muslim would you or I be.'
- the old Jew from In The Hand Of Dante by Nick Tosches
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Blank Canvas
Ok everyone, I need your help.
Nah, let's make that input. I'll have less qualms about disregarding/choosing to ignore some input than I would saying no to help. Not saying that I will ignore anyone's input, but, C'mon, I know you people. You're friends with me, so I know what kind of crazy randomness you can come up with.
Here's the idea.
I have a blank wall. I would like to come up with an idea for what to do with it. First let me give you a general layout of the room with a few explanations of things currently on the wall.
Let's go counter-clockwise, sorry, I like being contrary.
North wall.
There's the doorway to the living room at the extreme right. The entryway that is the gaping maw to the bleakness that is my domain....Sorry, been reading some stuff about Dante lately...
On the back of the door there is a framed concert poster from Cowboy Mouth announcing their show at the Blue Note on Oct 30th, 2003. The night we met the Vox Fairy. (remember that Colonel?) Then we have the mini file cabinet with the photo of my lil cousin Shannon and the framed copy of the Little Mr & Mrs Book, 'Mr Bump'. Seriously, I'll save that one for another day.
Then we have the hanging photos. They are in a....
| _
_
|
pattern.
(clockwise from top...)
1) Currently blank...Looking for a suitable one from Mike & Tracy's wedding.
2) Baseball game, summer of 2003. Claire's visit to St Louis. Claire and Amy and my sis. Three of my favorite girls in the world.
3) Amers and I at the Capitol building in DC. My favorite pic of me and my best female friend ever. Love ya Ames.
4) My boys in Panama City. Jerod, Jerome, and Kris. J-Rod, Rome & The Colonel to most of you. Hanging out in the pool at Club La Vela after an afternoon of free beer after cover. Best and worst invention ever!
There is a large bulletin board to the right of the pictures. On it is a pic of Amy (lovely!) and I on top of the Empire State Building, random notes, a pic of a '50 Merc Coupe (beautiful!), a signed picture of Elisabeth Shue (gorgeous!), and random pins and buttons from the past, I'm talking Geography Bee, CLI, Flogging Molly concert, Confirmation, J.A., Blockbuster, and Varsity Tennis...I did say random...
West Wall
The sorts wall. Dresser and directors chair between doors. '82 World Series Coke Bottle and '6 Years, Six Playoffs' Blues Pepsi bottle on dresser. 'St Louis Blues Avenue' above the closet door. Budweiser 2006 Cardinals Calendar. Framed certificate from final Reg Season game at Old Busch stadium. Framed 'Forty Years, Countless Memories' poster from final game. Also on the dresser is a small set of books including a couple of old copies of some classics and some very old physics, math, and engineering texts. I'm talking 1918 old.
The door to my own private bathroom is on this wall as well and in the bathroom the decor continues sports. The 2004 NL champs Pennant and the 2003 Syracuse National Champs BBall pennant grace the walls in this extra room. My prized sports possession that most in the U.S. don't have is an actual Wimbledon Towel from the 2003 Championships. Now if I could just get that Arsenal Gunners warmup framed!
South Wall
Top of bed and a short bookshelf are against this wall. A couple of picture frames with the 'original people' in them graces this piece of furniture. As well as a silver book that has the following quote on it. 'Some books leave us free, and some books make us free.' Anyone know who that is from?
The wall has a window and next to the window a ceramic Irish Blessing hangs.
'May the road rise to meet you,
may the wind be always at your back,
may the sun shine warm upon your face,
the rains fall soft upon your fields and,
until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.'
Above the bed hangs a small Chinese painting of the symbols meaning Wisdom & Knowledge, a multi layered paint of a jazz scene, and an abacus. Any puns come to mind with the abacus? Any?
East Wall
Nada except for a window. I have a large space for just about anything. I hope from explaining the rest of my decor, you get a general picture of what I'm about and could offer some constructive ideas.
here are a couple of ideas I had...
Multiple little frames with various quotes from songs from my favorite band, Cowboy Mouth. They have such good ones like,
'You gotta get up, you gotta find your heart, you gotta find your soul, you gotta find those strengths inside of yourself that make you take on the day, that make you take on the world, that makes you appreciate what goes on around you, that makes you glad to be aliiiiiive!'
MC Escher prints, but I have 8 of those already in the kitchen.
Movie photos/stills. But again, I already have many of those in the living room.
Any ideas? Input please! Necesito input. Johnny Five needs input!
Nah, let's make that input. I'll have less qualms about disregarding/choosing to ignore some input than I would saying no to help. Not saying that I will ignore anyone's input, but, C'mon, I know you people. You're friends with me, so I know what kind of crazy randomness you can come up with.
Here's the idea.
I have a blank wall. I would like to come up with an idea for what to do with it. First let me give you a general layout of the room with a few explanations of things currently on the wall.
Let's go counter-clockwise, sorry, I like being contrary.
North wall.
There's the doorway to the living room at the extreme right. The entryway that is the gaping maw to the bleakness that is my domain....Sorry, been reading some stuff about Dante lately...
On the back of the door there is a framed concert poster from Cowboy Mouth announcing their show at the Blue Note on Oct 30th, 2003. The night we met the Vox Fairy. (remember that Colonel?) Then we have the mini file cabinet with the photo of my lil cousin Shannon and the framed copy of the Little Mr & Mrs Book, 'Mr Bump'. Seriously, I'll save that one for another day.
Then we have the hanging photos. They are in a....
| _
_
|
pattern.
(clockwise from top...)
1) Currently blank...Looking for a suitable one from Mike & Tracy's wedding.
2) Baseball game, summer of 2003. Claire's visit to St Louis. Claire and Amy and my sis. Three of my favorite girls in the world.
3) Amers and I at the Capitol building in DC. My favorite pic of me and my best female friend ever. Love ya Ames.
4) My boys in Panama City. Jerod, Jerome, and Kris. J-Rod, Rome & The Colonel to most of you. Hanging out in the pool at Club La Vela after an afternoon of free beer after cover. Best and worst invention ever!
There is a large bulletin board to the right of the pictures. On it is a pic of Amy (lovely!) and I on top of the Empire State Building, random notes, a pic of a '50 Merc Coupe (beautiful!), a signed picture of Elisabeth Shue (gorgeous!), and random pins and buttons from the past, I'm talking Geography Bee, CLI, Flogging Molly concert, Confirmation, J.A., Blockbuster, and Varsity Tennis...I did say random...
West Wall
The sorts wall. Dresser and directors chair between doors. '82 World Series Coke Bottle and '6 Years, Six Playoffs' Blues Pepsi bottle on dresser. 'St Louis Blues Avenue' above the closet door. Budweiser 2006 Cardinals Calendar. Framed certificate from final Reg Season game at Old Busch stadium. Framed 'Forty Years, Countless Memories' poster from final game. Also on the dresser is a small set of books including a couple of old copies of some classics and some very old physics, math, and engineering texts. I'm talking 1918 old.
The door to my own private bathroom is on this wall as well and in the bathroom the decor continues sports. The 2004 NL champs Pennant and the 2003 Syracuse National Champs BBall pennant grace the walls in this extra room. My prized sports possession that most in the U.S. don't have is an actual Wimbledon Towel from the 2003 Championships. Now if I could just get that Arsenal Gunners warmup framed!
South Wall
Top of bed and a short bookshelf are against this wall. A couple of picture frames with the 'original people' in them graces this piece of furniture. As well as a silver book that has the following quote on it. 'Some books leave us free, and some books make us free.' Anyone know who that is from?
The wall has a window and next to the window a ceramic Irish Blessing hangs.
'May the road rise to meet you,
may the wind be always at your back,
may the sun shine warm upon your face,
the rains fall soft upon your fields and,
until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.'
Above the bed hangs a small Chinese painting of the symbols meaning Wisdom & Knowledge, a multi layered paint of a jazz scene, and an abacus. Any puns come to mind with the abacus? Any?
East Wall
Nada except for a window. I have a large space for just about anything. I hope from explaining the rest of my decor, you get a general picture of what I'm about and could offer some constructive ideas.
here are a couple of ideas I had...
Multiple little frames with various quotes from songs from my favorite band, Cowboy Mouth. They have such good ones like,
'You gotta get up, you gotta find your heart, you gotta find your soul, you gotta find those strengths inside of yourself that make you take on the day, that make you take on the world, that makes you appreciate what goes on around you, that makes you glad to be aliiiiiive!'
MC Escher prints, but I have 8 of those already in the kitchen.
Movie photos/stills. But again, I already have many of those in the living room.
Any ideas? Input please! Necesito input. Johnny Five needs input!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
A. H. & P. Part Two
That's Art, Humor & Philosophy, the title of the previous C&H blog, the three things I believe Bill W. combines beautifully in the C&H comics.
Surprisingly I can specifically recall the first time I bought a Calvin and Hobbes collection. I remember being in third grade and finding it in those small four page catalogs from some book company. You remember those? They always had some Garfield books, and things like 'Number the Stars', 'Superfudge', and 'Wayside School'. That was the first time I bought a C&H book.
That book of strips released was entitled Something Under The Bed Is Drooling. I specifically recall that being the first one. I remember being ten or eleven and finding the first book that i didn't even know existed at a book store.
I love the books. Even at that young of an age. Remember the reading programs at the library?
You could read books all summer and get rewarded for it!
How cool is that!?
And yes! I realize I look like a huge nerd right now!
Cardinals tickets? Pizza Hut Pizzas I could use to bribe my sister and brother for things since I wouldn't eat pizza? Yes please.
Thus probably began my obsession with counting the books I read even to this day and keeping a list of them on Excel. It is kinda helpful at times. It truly is. And now to the second batch of quotes...
'Something Under The Bed Is Drooling'
foreword:
There is a mystical quality to Bill Watterson's work. What we have here is no mere comic strip. It possesses a dimension which was found once upon a time in George Herriman's Krazy Kat and, later, in Walt Kelly's Pogo. That, however, was long ago, and since their passing, there has been nothing in the world of cartoon art to replace them. Now, we have Calvin and Hobbes.
There are no mealy-mouths or namby-pamby characters in this strip. The kid is delightfully and dedicatedly rotten. The mother and the father (no names are given or necessary) live alongside their offspring in a state of agitated wonderment at what they must have done to deserve this child. The kid, for his part, lives a good 70 percent of his time in a world I remember well from my own childhood, peopled with unspeakable creatures of the imagination, and the rest of the time in a real world peopled with other unspeakables (the teacher, the girl, the school thug). Refuge from the latter world is found in the former. And then there's the goofy stuffed tiger. A gentle soul, he is much smarter than the kid, whose brashness he leavens with a wry, endearing wisdom.
There are many comic strips out there, a few good, some average, a great many merely background clutter. All have their own cast of characters, engaging or not, all glued and patched together with dialogue, some good, some not. Very few bright stars appear who possess that peculiar magic which can provoke comparison with the best of the past. Looking at the work of our two comparisons, Herriman and Kelly, we can see a wedding of idea and art rarely seen these days, a feeling that words can enhance art and art can do the same for the written - that a carefully wrought blend of these ingredients can create a degree of enchantment which bespeaks genius.
You want magic?
Watterson the alchemist has conjured forth a work of subtlely, character, and depth far out of proportion to his tender years. I wish him long life, and may the powers of his sorcery never diminish.
You want magic?
This is a collection of the sorcerer's recipes for changing simple ink and paper into the purest gold. Humbly allow me to present Calvin (the kid) and Hobbes (the tiger). This book is magic.
- Pat Oliphant (most widely syndicated political cartoonist in the world)
www.uclick.com/client/wpc/po/
- I don't like these stories with morals.
- In short, open revolt and exile is the only hope for change.
- Gravity is arbitrary!
- Fat kids are high in cholesterol.
- I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
- The world bores you when you're cool.
- What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?
- I was beguiled by her feminine charms. Yow.
- I've got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it.
- C - If we're going to die, what's the point of living? H - Well, there's seafood...
- That's the problem with nature. Something's always stinging you or oozing mucus on you.
- It's hard to be a mom for a mom.
- Nothing beats sitting by a roaring fire after you've been out in the cold. Of course some people say why bother going outside first?
- Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me....Yeah right.
- Snow everywhere! It must be waist deep! Unfortunately that's a relative measure.
- Grades? We're being graded? We don't even get a few practice semesters?
- Her plan backfired dad. I'm all wound up and she needs to be put to bed.
- You don't get to be mom if you can't fix everything just right.
- It wouldn't be very grateful of you to break my heart.
- I'm crying because out there he's gone, but he's not gone inside me.
- I thought that after seven boring hours at school, you might appreciate one moment of pure, abject terror.
- I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. I think if you're born, it's too late.
- It's amazing what they do with corrugated cardboard these days.
- What horrors we visit upon ourselves in the name of science.
- Why is it you always rip your pants on the day everyone has to demonstrate a math problem at the chalkboard?
- The living dead don't need to solve word problems.
- Of course real zombies never get the giggles while looking at each other.
- Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.
- I'm a dessertarian.
Not that many quotes, but the beginning of the "dad/politics" bit started in this collection. A classic. Not to mention the mating dance strip...
C - Dad, did you do a mating dance when you first saw mom? I saw some birds do it on TV. They went, 'AWK AWK BRAAU-AUUKKK!!'
D- Yes, that's more or less how I reacted.
M- To what wise guy?....think carefully.
Sure didn't quite get that at the time....
Surprisingly I can specifically recall the first time I bought a Calvin and Hobbes collection. I remember being in third grade and finding it in those small four page catalogs from some book company. You remember those? They always had some Garfield books, and things like 'Number the Stars', 'Superfudge', and 'Wayside School'. That was the first time I bought a C&H book.
That book of strips released was entitled Something Under The Bed Is Drooling. I specifically recall that being the first one. I remember being ten or eleven and finding the first book that i didn't even know existed at a book store.
I love the books. Even at that young of an age. Remember the reading programs at the library?
You could read books all summer and get rewarded for it!
How cool is that!?
And yes! I realize I look like a huge nerd right now!
Cardinals tickets? Pizza Hut Pizzas I could use to bribe my sister and brother for things since I wouldn't eat pizza? Yes please.
Thus probably began my obsession with counting the books I read even to this day and keeping a list of them on Excel. It is kinda helpful at times. It truly is. And now to the second batch of quotes...
'Something Under The Bed Is Drooling'
foreword:
There is a mystical quality to Bill Watterson's work. What we have here is no mere comic strip. It possesses a dimension which was found once upon a time in George Herriman's Krazy Kat and, later, in Walt Kelly's Pogo. That, however, was long ago, and since their passing, there has been nothing in the world of cartoon art to replace them. Now, we have Calvin and Hobbes.
There are no mealy-mouths or namby-pamby characters in this strip. The kid is delightfully and dedicatedly rotten. The mother and the father (no names are given or necessary) live alongside their offspring in a state of agitated wonderment at what they must have done to deserve this child. The kid, for his part, lives a good 70 percent of his time in a world I remember well from my own childhood, peopled with unspeakable creatures of the imagination, and the rest of the time in a real world peopled with other unspeakables (the teacher, the girl, the school thug). Refuge from the latter world is found in the former. And then there's the goofy stuffed tiger. A gentle soul, he is much smarter than the kid, whose brashness he leavens with a wry, endearing wisdom.
There are many comic strips out there, a few good, some average, a great many merely background clutter. All have their own cast of characters, engaging or not, all glued and patched together with dialogue, some good, some not. Very few bright stars appear who possess that peculiar magic which can provoke comparison with the best of the past. Looking at the work of our two comparisons, Herriman and Kelly, we can see a wedding of idea and art rarely seen these days, a feeling that words can enhance art and art can do the same for the written - that a carefully wrought blend of these ingredients can create a degree of enchantment which bespeaks genius.
You want magic?
Watterson the alchemist has conjured forth a work of subtlely, character, and depth far out of proportion to his tender years. I wish him long life, and may the powers of his sorcery never diminish.
You want magic?
This is a collection of the sorcerer's recipes for changing simple ink and paper into the purest gold. Humbly allow me to present Calvin (the kid) and Hobbes (the tiger). This book is magic.
- Pat Oliphant (most widely syndicated political cartoonist in the world)
www.uclick.com/client/wpc/po/
- I don't like these stories with morals.
- In short, open revolt and exile is the only hope for change.
- Gravity is arbitrary!
- Fat kids are high in cholesterol.
- I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
- The world bores you when you're cool.
- What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?
- I was beguiled by her feminine charms. Yow.
- I've got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it.
- C - If we're going to die, what's the point of living? H - Well, there's seafood...
- That's the problem with nature. Something's always stinging you or oozing mucus on you.
- It's hard to be a mom for a mom.
- Nothing beats sitting by a roaring fire after you've been out in the cold. Of course some people say why bother going outside first?
- Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me....Yeah right.
- Snow everywhere! It must be waist deep! Unfortunately that's a relative measure.
- Grades? We're being graded? We don't even get a few practice semesters?
- Her plan backfired dad. I'm all wound up and she needs to be put to bed.
- You don't get to be mom if you can't fix everything just right.
- It wouldn't be very grateful of you to break my heart.
- I'm crying because out there he's gone, but he's not gone inside me.
- I thought that after seven boring hours at school, you might appreciate one moment of pure, abject terror.
- I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. I think if you're born, it's too late.
- It's amazing what they do with corrugated cardboard these days.
- What horrors we visit upon ourselves in the name of science.
- Why is it you always rip your pants on the day everyone has to demonstrate a math problem at the chalkboard?
- The living dead don't need to solve word problems.
- Of course real zombies never get the giggles while looking at each other.
- Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.
- I'm a dessertarian.
Not that many quotes, but the beginning of the "dad/politics" bit started in this collection. A classic. Not to mention the mating dance strip...
C - Dad, did you do a mating dance when you first saw mom? I saw some birds do it on TV. They went, 'AWK AWK BRAAU-AUUKKK!!'
D- Yes, that's more or less how I reacted.
M- To what wise guy?....think carefully.
Sure didn't quite get that at the time....
Monday, April 17, 2006
Short & Quick.....hey, mind out of the gutter there chief
Well, I tried to go to bed, but that didn't work out, just not sleepy enough.
Yes, yes, I know it has been quite a while since I have updated. Hopefully this is my re-begin-start-again time. Or something to that effect...
I found this short little thing on a friend's MySpace account, and figured I'd fill it out real quick.
favorite
1. band: Cowboy Mouth (www.cowboymouth.com)
2. word: Hammaad (Hammered in Bostoneese)
3. Vacation: Hmm, Panama City 2003 or DC/New York '99
w o r s t
1. Time of day: when the alarm clock goes off (good answer Sarah!)
2. Day of the week: Sundays as of late...
3. Food: cottage cheese....damn you Amy...
4. Memory: not sure i want to venture into this one. Why would I want to venture back through crappy times in my head to find out which memory I deem as the worst?
l a s t
1. Person you saw: my wittle sisto - Tina
2. Talked to on the phone: The manager at Old Chi
4. Text: Elizabeth
5. messaged over myspace: that would be Miss Sarah. I still remember way back in Sophmore year she was talking about getting her hair cut short. I thought this was a travesty as I love her red hair, and therefore, thought there should be more of it. Well, she did get it cut, and for the entire time I knew her she had fairly short hair. Well, i just saw a picture of her on myspace with hair well below her shoulders. Had to inform her that it looked beautiful!
t o d a y
1. What are you doing now: not sleeping
2. Wearing: t shirt, athletic shorts
3. Better than yesterday?: nah, had family time yesterday.
t o m o r r o w
1. Is: Tuesday
2. Got any plans: work, then Hooters Trivia Night. Believe it or not, I am basically being dragged there by some frineds who want a teammate that knows a lot of random junk. Of course I'm not arguing...
3. Goal: Get more done at work than I think I will, and win the Trivia Night
4. Dislikes about tomorrow: waking up... deciding what beer to drink...it's tough!
f a v o r i t e
1. Number: 7
2. Song: currently: Finger Eleven - One Thing, or B.U.S. - I Wanna Be There
3. Color: green
c u r r e n t l y
1. Missing someone: Claire and Amy, the old gang from the Dorms, the Fab Five
2. Mood: semi-apathetic
3. Wanting: sadly...a cuddle partner wouldnt be all bad...or a stiff vodka tonic to put me to bed, that wouldnt be bad either...
Well, maybe sleep wouldnt be all bad, dreaming of the old days. Wishing to be around a particular someone, etc, etc, etc.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzz....i am sir RODNEY gimmelthorpe....KING of the wicker people.....zzzzzzzzzzz
Yes, yes, I know it has been quite a while since I have updated. Hopefully this is my re-begin-start-again time. Or something to that effect...
I found this short little thing on a friend's MySpace account, and figured I'd fill it out real quick.
favorite
1. band: Cowboy Mouth (www.cowboymouth.com)
2. word: Hammaad (Hammered in Bostoneese)
3. Vacation: Hmm, Panama City 2003 or DC/New York '99
w o r s t
1. Time of day: when the alarm clock goes off (good answer Sarah!)
2. Day of the week: Sundays as of late...
3. Food: cottage cheese....damn you Amy...
4. Memory: not sure i want to venture into this one. Why would I want to venture back through crappy times in my head to find out which memory I deem as the worst?
l a s t
1. Person you saw: my wittle sisto - Tina
2. Talked to on the phone: The manager at Old Chi
4. Text: Elizabeth
5. messaged over myspace: that would be Miss Sarah. I still remember way back in Sophmore year she was talking about getting her hair cut short. I thought this was a travesty as I love her red hair, and therefore, thought there should be more of it. Well, she did get it cut, and for the entire time I knew her she had fairly short hair. Well, i just saw a picture of her on myspace with hair well below her shoulders. Had to inform her that it looked beautiful!
t o d a y
1. What are you doing now: not sleeping
2. Wearing: t shirt, athletic shorts
3. Better than yesterday?: nah, had family time yesterday.
t o m o r r o w
1. Is: Tuesday
2. Got any plans: work, then Hooters Trivia Night. Believe it or not, I am basically being dragged there by some frineds who want a teammate that knows a lot of random junk. Of course I'm not arguing...
3. Goal: Get more done at work than I think I will, and win the Trivia Night
4. Dislikes about tomorrow: waking up... deciding what beer to drink...it's tough!
f a v o r i t e
1. Number: 7
2. Song: currently: Finger Eleven - One Thing, or B.U.S. - I Wanna Be There
3. Color: green
c u r r e n t l y
1. Missing someone: Claire and Amy, the old gang from the Dorms, the Fab Five
2. Mood: semi-apathetic
3. Wanting: sadly...a cuddle partner wouldnt be all bad...or a stiff vodka tonic to put me to bed, that wouldnt be bad either...
Well, maybe sleep wouldnt be all bad, dreaming of the old days. Wishing to be around a particular someone, etc, etc, etc.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzz....i am sir RODNEY gimmelthorpe....KING of the wicker people.....zzzzzzzzzzz
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Art, Humor, & Philosophy
I firmly believe that I am an extremely eclectic person. My tastes tend to run the gamut in most anything one can have tastes for. Except maybe for food, but I'm working on that...
I also enjoy when many things I like can be found in one place. The combination of many things I like causes an exponential growth of enjoyment and love for said combination.
The best combination of Art, humor, and philosophy I have ever come across is Calvin and Hobbes. This sounds a bit odd to most of you, I'm sure. What about Catch-22 for example? It is funny, encroaches on the subject of a couple of philosophies, and is definitely a piece of literary art. Well, it is one of my favorite books. But I caught on to Calvin and Hobbes much earlier in life. Plus I'm a lot like both Calvin and Hobbes, and almost nothing like Yossarian, Major^4, Milo or any of the characters from C-22.
1) In it's later years, Bill Watterson was able to gain artistic independence of his strip due to its popularity. This only increased its popularity in that it differed from your usual Sunday strips and toed the line of mini-graphic novel. Anyone who has read his collections may have read the opening epic poems. The artwork in a couple of them are superb.
2) Sarcasm, wit, satire, metaphor, and downright stupidity are the forms of humor found in this creation. With that eclectic sense of humor, how could I not fall in love with it?
3) Philosophy. The characters of the comic are named after philosophers. "The philosophy of Thomas Hobbes is perhaps the most complete materialist philosophy of the 17th century. Hobbes rejects 'Cartesian dualism' and believes in the mortality of the soul. He rejects free will in favor of determinism, a determinism which treats freedom as being able to do what one desires."
(http://oregonstate.edu/instruct/phl302/philosophers/hobbes.html)
John Calvin or Jean Cauven "emphasizes that man is incapable of adding anything from himself to obtain salvation and that God alone is the initiator at every stage of salvation, including the formation of faith and every decision to follow Christ."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calvinism)
So not only did the comic cause me to look into the philosophies of these men, but it also portrayed the philosophies and observations of Bill Watterson himself, which I identify with readily. At some points in my life I wonder if it mirrors my thoughts, or helped shape them...
4) You know how many times I had to consult a dictionary to determine the meaning of words used in the comic?
5) You know how many times i had to consult and adult about the meaning of some sayings like,
'It says here religion is the opiate of the masses, what do you think that means?' and the TV set replies, '..it means Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet...' C'mon, that's hilarious...
So, to make a long story short, in honor of this wonderful comic, that is so much more than just a comic, I am going to share my favorite quotes, musings, and words to live by, words to heed and learn by, etc. from Calvin and Hobbes. Collection by collection over who knows how many days. Here are the entries from the first and earliest collection, the self titled,
Calvin and Hobbes -
Foreward : Garry Trudeau (author of Doonesbury strip)
There are few wellsprings of humor more consistently reliable than the mind of a child. Most cartoonists, being childlike, recognize this, but when they set out to capture the hurly-burly of the very young, they almost always cheat, shamelessly creating not recognizable children, but highly annoying, wisecracking, miniature adults. Chalk it up to either indolence or defective recall, but most people who write comic dialogue for minors (up to and including the perpetrators of the Cosby "kids") demonstrate surprisingly little feel for -or faith in- the original source material, that is, childhood, in all its unfettered and winsome glory.
It is in this respect that Bill Watterson has proved as unusual as his feckless creations, Calvin and Hobbes. Watterson is the reporter who's gotten it right; childhood as it actually is, with its constantly shifting frames of reference. Anyone who's done time with a small child knows that reality can be highly situational. The utterance which an adult knows to be a "lie"; may well reflect a child's deepest conviction, at least at the moment it pops out. Fantasy is so accessible, and it is joined with such force and frequency, that resentful parents like Calvin's assume they are being manipulated, when the truth is far more frightening: they don't even exist. The child is both king and keeper of this realm, and he can be very choosey about the company he keeps.
Of course this exclusivity only provokes many grown-ups into trying to regain the serendipity of youth for themselves, to, in effect, retrieve the irretrievable. A desperate few do things that later land them in the Betty Ford Center.
The rest of us, more sensibly, read Calvin and Hobbes.
Quotes:
- You know you'll hate something when they won't tell you what it is.
- They lie. I lie.
- C - Do you believe in fate?
H - You mean, that our lives are predestined?
C - Yeah...that the things we do are inevitable.
H - What a scary thought!
- Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination.
- Sometimes I think I learn more when I stay home from school.
- Ask a simple question, and get all your television privileges revoked.
- 2+7= I can not answer this question as it is against my religious principles.
- Girls have more delicate heinies.
- Never argue with a six-year-old who shaves.
- Tigers wreck the grade curve.
- What's a little extortion among friends?
- Maybe I can get a point for originality.
- You can never tell if they're listening or not.
- 5th Period - 'Studies in Contemporary State-Sponsored Terrorism' ...also known as gym class.
- Never criticize a guy with a razor.
- H ow come we play war and not peace? Too few role models.
- Little kids have no sense of humor.
- The world isn't fair. I know, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
- It's hard to argue with someone who looks so happy.
- There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.
- If you can't win by reason, go for volume.
- Do you think there's a God? Well somebody's out to get me.
- This is what entertainment is all about...idiots, explosives, and falling anvils.
- Look, it says you have to be 18 to buy cigarettes. Eighteen?!? By then I'll know better!
- Trusting parents can be hazardous to your health.
- There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it
even worse.
Reasons I identify with Hobbes:
From the strip a dog steals Hobbes.
-writ - Lost: My Tiger Hobbes.
-mom - Maybe you should describe him.
-writ - On the quiet side. Somewhat peculiar. A good companion in a weird sort of way.
- There's no sense impressing girls and then getting killed.
- I can never stay on a diet in a restaurant.
- That's the trouble with weapons technology. It becomes obsolete so quickly.
- You know what I like about summer days? They're just made for doing things, even if it's nothing. Especially if it's nothing.
- It's fun to mess with their minds.
- ...what I put up with to pay for college...
- Who needs jerks like him anyway? I don't need him for a friend. I can have fun by myself. Poop.
- I always forget. If you ask a mom, you get a worse case scenario.
Well, that's it so far. Should I keep going? Let me know what you think...
I also enjoy when many things I like can be found in one place. The combination of many things I like causes an exponential growth of enjoyment and love for said combination.
The best combination of Art, humor, and philosophy I have ever come across is Calvin and Hobbes. This sounds a bit odd to most of you, I'm sure. What about Catch-22 for example? It is funny, encroaches on the subject of a couple of philosophies, and is definitely a piece of literary art. Well, it is one of my favorite books. But I caught on to Calvin and Hobbes much earlier in life. Plus I'm a lot like both Calvin and Hobbes, and almost nothing like Yossarian, Major^4, Milo or any of the characters from C-22.
1) In it's later years, Bill Watterson was able to gain artistic independence of his strip due to its popularity. This only increased its popularity in that it differed from your usual Sunday strips and toed the line of mini-graphic novel. Anyone who has read his collections may have read the opening epic poems. The artwork in a couple of them are superb.
2) Sarcasm, wit, satire, metaphor, and downright stupidity are the forms of humor found in this creation. With that eclectic sense of humor, how could I not fall in love with it?
3) Philosophy. The characters of the comic are named after philosophers. "The philosophy of Thomas Hobbes is perhaps the most complete materialist philosophy of the 17th century. Hobbes rejects 'Cartesian dualism' and believes in the mortality of the soul. He rejects free will in favor of determinism, a determinism which treats freedom as being able to do what one desires."
(http://oregonstate.edu/instruct/phl302/philosophers/hobbes.html)
John Calvin or Jean Cauven "emphasizes that man is incapable of adding anything from himself to obtain salvation and that God alone is the initiator at every stage of salvation, including the formation of faith and every decision to follow Christ."
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calvinism)
So not only did the comic cause me to look into the philosophies of these men, but it also portrayed the philosophies and observations of Bill Watterson himself, which I identify with readily. At some points in my life I wonder if it mirrors my thoughts, or helped shape them...
4) You know how many times I had to consult a dictionary to determine the meaning of words used in the comic?
5) You know how many times i had to consult and adult about the meaning of some sayings like,
'It says here religion is the opiate of the masses, what do you think that means?' and the TV set replies, '..it means Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet...' C'mon, that's hilarious...
So, to make a long story short, in honor of this wonderful comic, that is so much more than just a comic, I am going to share my favorite quotes, musings, and words to live by, words to heed and learn by, etc. from Calvin and Hobbes. Collection by collection over who knows how many days. Here are the entries from the first and earliest collection, the self titled,
Calvin and Hobbes -
Foreward : Garry Trudeau (author of Doonesbury strip)
There are few wellsprings of humor more consistently reliable than the mind of a child. Most cartoonists, being childlike, recognize this, but when they set out to capture the hurly-burly of the very young, they almost always cheat, shamelessly creating not recognizable children, but highly annoying, wisecracking, miniature adults. Chalk it up to either indolence or defective recall, but most people who write comic dialogue for minors (up to and including the perpetrators of the Cosby "kids") demonstrate surprisingly little feel for -or faith in- the original source material, that is, childhood, in all its unfettered and winsome glory.
It is in this respect that Bill Watterson has proved as unusual as his feckless creations, Calvin and Hobbes. Watterson is the reporter who's gotten it right; childhood as it actually is, with its constantly shifting frames of reference. Anyone who's done time with a small child knows that reality can be highly situational. The utterance which an adult knows to be a "lie"; may well reflect a child's deepest conviction, at least at the moment it pops out. Fantasy is so accessible, and it is joined with such force and frequency, that resentful parents like Calvin's assume they are being manipulated, when the truth is far more frightening: they don't even exist. The child is both king and keeper of this realm, and he can be very choosey about the company he keeps.
Of course this exclusivity only provokes many grown-ups into trying to regain the serendipity of youth for themselves, to, in effect, retrieve the irretrievable. A desperate few do things that later land them in the Betty Ford Center.
The rest of us, more sensibly, read Calvin and Hobbes.
Quotes:
- You know you'll hate something when they won't tell you what it is.
- They lie. I lie.
- C - Do you believe in fate?
H - You mean, that our lives are predestined?
C - Yeah...that the things we do are inevitable.
H - What a scary thought!
- Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination.
- Sometimes I think I learn more when I stay home from school.
- Ask a simple question, and get all your television privileges revoked.
- 2+7= I can not answer this question as it is against my religious principles.
- Girls have more delicate heinies.
- Never argue with a six-year-old who shaves.
- Tigers wreck the grade curve.
- What's a little extortion among friends?
- Maybe I can get a point for originality.
- You can never tell if they're listening or not.
- 5th Period - 'Studies in Contemporary State-Sponsored Terrorism' ...also known as gym class.
- Never criticize a guy with a razor.
- H ow come we play war and not peace? Too few role models.
- Little kids have no sense of humor.
- The world isn't fair. I know, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
- It's hard to argue with someone who looks so happy.
- There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.
- If you can't win by reason, go for volume.
- Do you think there's a God? Well somebody's out to get me.
- This is what entertainment is all about...idiots, explosives, and falling anvils.
- Look, it says you have to be 18 to buy cigarettes. Eighteen?!? By then I'll know better!
- Trusting parents can be hazardous to your health.
- There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it
even worse.
Reasons I identify with Hobbes:
From the strip a dog steals Hobbes.
-writ - Lost: My Tiger Hobbes.
-mom - Maybe you should describe him.
-writ - On the quiet side. Somewhat peculiar. A good companion in a weird sort of way.
- There's no sense impressing girls and then getting killed.
- I can never stay on a diet in a restaurant.
- That's the trouble with weapons technology. It becomes obsolete so quickly.
- You know what I like about summer days? They're just made for doing things, even if it's nothing. Especially if it's nothing.
- It's fun to mess with their minds.
- ...what I put up with to pay for college...
- Who needs jerks like him anyway? I don't need him for a friend. I can have fun by myself. Poop.
- I always forget. If you ask a mom, you get a worse case scenario.
Well, that's it so far. Should I keep going? Let me know what you think...
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