Chuck Norris a modern day legend?

What is the deal about Chuck Norris these days?

I have noticed profiles and groups on various sites that are nothing short of a sarcastic homage to this man. The problem is the people who start these things sarcastically state that the sarcasm isn't true, that Chuck Norris is freakin' awesome!

This is how trouble starts.

Two hundred years from now, there will be a statue or ten erected to this man just because of these goings on.

How many other cases throughout history are due to the blowing out of proportion the deeds and words of men and women?

Joseph Heller, the author of such books as Catch 22, and Closing Time, also wrote a book called 'God Knows'. It is the fictional memoirs of King David of Israel as written on his death bed. In them he writes that Solomon was a fool and wrote down everything David said. Everything, even when ordering a meal, Solomon wrote it down. At some point in his life, King David jokingly called someone as wise as Solomon. The person took it seriously and then both he and Solomon were considered wise. Look how that has taken hold! Solomon didn't even think that cutting the baby in half would harm it! He wasn't thinking. He was blunt! Dumb! Clueless!

There's one case. What about people we revere throughout history? Our presidents, athletes, statesmen, authors, and artists all have a blind eye turned to their transgressions, and they eventually, through lack of remembering the bad stuff, become revered! I'm sure there's a kernel of truth if not more to the idea that the Patriots of the American Revolution used a TON of propaganda to curry favor in their war. But it is passed over and forgotten. So be it, no big deal.

But by god is Chuck Norris eventually becomes revered as a direct result from these jokes, I'll be spinning in my grave, and not due to a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris...

Chuck-isms

-• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
- Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris can eat not just six Saltine crackers in a minute, but six sleeves of them. Remarkably, this ability has nothing to do with roundhouse kicks; he just loves eating crackers.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for acquired and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
- Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
- There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
- One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
- Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
- Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
- Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
- After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
- Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
- Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
- Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
- There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
- In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
- Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
- Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
- Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
- Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
- CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
- Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
- If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
- Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
- The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
- Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Fuck was That?"
- Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
- When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
- When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

And my personal favorite...

- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

When Snow Goons Attack

A couple of folks have asked me,

'Dave, why don't you include some of the other funniest things they say?'

Well, I am trying to keep this in the realm of quotes that can almost be used as sayings in everyday life. Well, maybe 'Girls have more delicate heinies' can't be used in most people's everyday life, but I can see the use of said quote being poignant and hilarious on a given evening.

Scene : a lightly smoky local watering hole with Tom Petty, Prince, and 70s southern rock rotating on the jukebox. A group of friends surrounds four tables pushed together with the partially forgotten remnants of a drinking game called 'Josh gets naked' strewn about. Pitchers, four shot glasses with goldschlager, and a few mixed drinks also grace the table top.

Girl 1: Ok, that's a four. I give 6. That means you take 6. Hey you! 6 drinks!
Boy 1: ahh, screw it no one is paying attention anymore.

Boy 2 is kind of paying attention.

Girl 1: Well, we are so take them.
Boy 1: Ok, but you're gonna pay for those.
Girl 1: No I won't! All your cards are used up.
Boy 1: (seductively) There are... other ways to make you pay.

Boy 1 makes a spanking motion
Girl 1 squirms and makes a disapproving face.

Girl 1: You aren't slapping my ass, but (playfully) I might get yours.

Girl 1 throws a wink.

Boy 1: (jokingly upset) Well that's crap. How come you can't be spanked, but I can be?

Jukebox decides to switch to a new song just as Boy 2 speaks up...

Boy 2: Girls have more delicate heinies.

Entire table and part of the bar crowd turn around to the sound of the last sentence. Three fourths of the crowd erupts in laughter. Boy 1 and Girl 1 turn red sheepishly realizing that not only was Boy 2 listening to the conversation, but so were the other three fourths of the crowd.

And....scene.

A guy can have the timing, and the lines, but I must give credit to Mr Watterson for getting the laugh that night.

On to the next book...

'Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons'

- It's no fun to play games with a poor sport.
- Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.
- Some people just don't have inquisitive minds.
- Another day, another dollar, another irreplaceable chuck out of a finite and rapidly passing lifetime.
- Everybody's a slave to routine.
- It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
- My upbringing is filled with inconsistent messages.
- I don't need to do a better job, I need better P.R. on the job I do.
- We don't attend parties, we just crash 'em.
- Everything's gotta have rules, rules, rules!
- Girls are so weird.
- I think football is a sport the way ducks think hunting is a sport.
- They say winning isn't everything, and I've decided to take their word for it.
- I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.
- In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
- It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
- Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous.
- The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.
- The surgeon general should issue a warning about playing with girls.
- Any idiot can be famous. I figure I'm more the legendary type.
- I like people to be impressed when I fulfill the least of my obligations.
- You just can't ever be too careful.
- It must be sad being a species with so little imagination.
- Maybe good is more than the absence of bad.
- The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
- Moms and reason are like oil and water.
- I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.
- I suppose if I had two X chromosomes, I'd feel hostile too.
- I think real living is sitting by the fire, slurping marshmallows from the bottom of a mug of hot cocoa.
- I think grown-ups just act like they know what they are doing.

Scientific Progress Does Indeed Make A Noise

Scientific progress does indeed make a noise, the question is, what noise does it make?

Is it the dull thud of an apple knocking someone upside their head?
The KA-freakin-BOOM of an atomic bomb being dropped?
Or is it simply 'Boink'?

'Scientific Progress Goes 'Boink''

- I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big.
- The problem with people is that they're only human.
- You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place...(hobbes)...That's why animals are so soft and huggy.
- It's sad how some people can't handle a little variety.

Xmas Eve
On window panes, the icy frost
Leaves feathered patterns, crissed & crossed,
But in our house the Christmas tree
Is decorated festively
With tiny dots of colored light
That cozy up this winter night.
Christmas songs, familiar, slow,
Play softly on the radio.
Pops and hisses from the fire
Whistle with the bells and choir.
My tiger is now fast asleep
On his back and dreaming deep.
When the fire makes him hot,
He turns to warm whatever's not.
Popped against him on the rug,
I give my friend a gentle hug.
Tomorrow's what I'm waiting for,
But I can wait a little more.

- Genius is never understood in it's own time.
- Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
- Stupidity produces antibodies.
- It's always nice to have a sympathetic friend to talk to.
- Unless you're a star, you can't please anyone.
- That crossed the line from ironic coincidence to evil omen.
- All my real skills are undervalued.
- Pander to me!

Mr Watterson's sixth book has a few less quotables in it, but some fun storylines that ran for a couple of weeks each. Always experimenting. Kudos Mr Watterson. Shall we move on to the next book?

There's Just Something About The Harmonica

I personally believe there is something wrong with reality television.

I personally believe there is something wrong with me because I still watch it.

And I used to think I had principles...


Reality TV can interest you if you get involved with the people, or the storylines. I couldn't believe my mother got into Top Chef recently. She's not a foody, she's not a fan of reality television unless you count Trading Spaces. She just got hooked on the relationships between the people on the show.
I tend to think there are three major things that can hook someone on a show they wouldn't normally watch.

Superior writing.
A specific character or actor and their interaction with other characters or actors.
Watched it while drunk one night.

Reality TV tends to have 'poor writing' because reality is messy.
Where they hook people is with the interactions you can't predict not only from show to show, but from year to year within the same show. Will & Grace had to end because they started become characterizations of themselves instead of real characters. American Idol can run forever if the talent continues arriving because its different people and different styles, year after year after year.

American Idol, the Juggernaut.
Up until this season I have never watched an episode of the show. What I knew of it was the crap they put on the news, and that son of a bitch bastard William Hung. All of the advertisements showed the stupid people who can't sing a lick, and think they are wonderful. That stuff drives me nuts. N, V, T, S nuts. Talk about appealing to the LCD.

This season I happened to watch an episode where the actual competition began, when it was down to 12 people. Now why aren't they pushing advertising THIS part of the show? This is the part I can get into. I thought there were about 4 or 5 in this group that could honestly have some semblance of a career in the music world. Yamin, Daughtry, Mcphee, Hicks & Lisa Tucker.
Was this just a really good year for Idol? I don't recall hearing much the other years about the other people in the show, other than the winners being that good. Of course you had the Aiken and Studdard bit, but other than that?

I'm one of the few people I know that was glad Hicks won the contest. He's just more unique than everyone else, period. I would actually buy his CD when it comes out. Not a chance with any of the other idols from the other years.

Duets I would have liked to have seen this year, but didn't:

Taylor Hicks duet with Dan Akroyd as Elwood Blues doing Sweet Home Chicago or Everybody Needs Somebody To Love.

Mcphee duet with recorded Judy Garland for Somewhere Over The Rainbow, reminiscent of what they pulled off when Natalie Cole duetted with her father in a recording.

Lisa Tucker with Mariah Carey. How did that girl not make it toward the end?

Elliot Yamin and Elvis Costello. They got close with Burt Baccarach. One degree of separation?

Prince and David Hasselhoff. I mean, come on! They were in the same room! How could they not get that magical, dream duet together!? The sweet sultry sounds of Prince and the German gibberish from Hasselhoff? Best combination since PB & J. They missed a major marketing deal here. Hasselhoff to R&B fans and Prince to an entire European country.

I would say Chris Daughtry with someone, but I honestly think Live was the perfect band for him to sing with. That was well done. And showed he could have a career with a little work.

Anyhow,

All in all, I think reality television gets kind of a bad rap because of the really bad stuff. Kind of like rap, country, and rhubarb, the most misunderstood produce item ever.

American Idol is one show I think I can safely say is good television.
Then of course, it could be because I watched it drunk one night and thought Katharine Mcphee is gorgeous. And tall. Goodness...

Calvin & Hobbes (A,H,&P IV and V))

Weirdos From Another Planet

- Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
- Physical education is what you learn from having your face in someone's armpit right before lunch.
- I've got to start listening to those quiet, naggin doubts.
- Life's a lot more fun when you're not repsonsible for your actions.
- You know, sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take the time to enjoy where we are. Days go by and we hardly notice them. Life becomes a blur. Often it takes some calamity to makes us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we've made, but it;s too late to change anything.
- At times like these, all mom can think of is how long she was in labor with me.
- We're just tiny specs on a planet hurling thorugh the infinte blacknes...let's go in and turn on all the lights.
- As if life isn't short enough.
- You can't be cool if you don't have an attitude. Hmm, we could be courteously deferential.
- Why can't I ever build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere?
- Ever notice how tense gronw-ups get when they're recreating?
- Sometimes one should just look at things and think about things, without doing things.
- The female gender would be a lot more tolerable if it wasn't so darn cynical.
- That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
- Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time.
- There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
- Acid rain, toxic wastes, holes in the ozone, sewage in the oceans...the only bright side to all this is that eventually there may not be a piece of the planet worth fighting over.
- I don't see how anyone could ever fall in love. People are jerks. ...(hobbes)... Sometimes they are, but look at all the colors on the trees toady. I think it's more fun to see something like this WITH someone then just by yourself...(calvin)...I guesssss so.
- I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
- Moms would be a lot more fun if tehy were a little more gullible.
- I feel a big sneeze welling up, which is always a sure sign that I'm not carrying a handkerchief.
- I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people.
- It must be awful to be a girl. I'm sure it's frustrating knowing that men are bigger, stronger, and better at abstract thought than women...(susie)...The thought of a jerk like you begging one of us for a date when you're 17.
- Do you think God let's you plea bargain?

Revenge of the Baby-Sat

- Mothers are the necessity of invention.
- Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
- I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.
- The best presents don't come in boxes...(they hug)...I'll treasure this one forever.
- There's nothing prettier than new fallen snow on a clear, freezing moonlit night...through a window that is.
- I suppose it's best to hold fast when you can and compromise when you need to...(calvin)...That's a lot more mature than I think I care to be.
- There's something magical about having a fire. The crackles and snaps, the warm, flickering light...everything always seems safe and cozy if you're sitting in front of a fire.
- I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like this let you savor a bad mood.
- Childhood is short and maturity is forever.
- I can't think of anything I'd rather anticipate than have right away. Can you?...(hobbes)... Death comes to mind.
- The longer you wait for the mail, the less there is in it.
- When you are serious about having fun, it's not much fun at all.
- Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.
- My likely historical significance is a terrible burden.
- I think most hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
- This is one of those things you always figure will happen to someone else...(mom)...unfortunately, we're all 'someone else' to someone else.
- A man's home is his castle, but it shouldn't have to be his fortress.
- I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known it was all going to be ad-libbed.
- I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.
- Things are never quite as scary when you have a best friend.
- People pay more attention to you when they think you're up to something.
- Mom wouldn't care about these types of things is she owuldn't keep finding out about them.
- I wish my bathtub had an agitator.
- Some women just weren't meant to be mothers.
- In my book food should be nutrition and entertainment.
- People think it must be fun to be a super-genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
- We supre-powers have it tough.
- How can kids know so much and still be so dumb.
- It's only work if somebody makes you do it.
-

I.V....That's Old School for Four...

I.V....that's old school for four.
I.V....that's new school for intra-venous.
In Vino Veritas.

That's roughly old school for 'There is Truth in Wine'.

Patricia's Foods, where you 'Come Find Your Smile' had a wine tasting event last night. As an employee of the company, I tend to work the majority of these events. Whether it is pouring for the customers, offering serving suggestions and comparable varieties, or demo-ing a new specialty food product such as the ever popular Abita Root Beer mixed with Cask & Cream.

Root Beer Float
1 part Natural root beer (Abita, Boylan's, etc...)
1 part Cask & Cream

Use a natural root beer so the sugars meld better. A non-natural root beer can curdle the drink or cause a really bitter taste. Use cask & cream over Bailey's. The brandy based C&C again melds better than the irish whiskey base in Bailey's.

Fantastico.

Anyhow, this tasting I was at as a participant. And I participated, participated, participated. Let's see there was the...



Adam Puchta Norton - A+ - not usually a fan of dry reds. this one was not super dry and very well balanced. favorite of the bunch.


Les Bourgeois Syrah - A - Again with the drier reds! Very good wine, quite tasty. yummm


Cline 'Ancient Vines' Zinfindel - A - Apparently I found a taste for dry red wine recently and this one rounded out the top three of the day for me.

Les Bourgeois Chardonel - B+ - pear flavor dry white with a smooth clean finish
Adam Puchta Vignoles - B - sweet white, very good, but not tart enough for my tastes
Chateau Ste. Michelle 'Horse Heaven' Savvy Blanc - B - great mid dry/sweet vanilla, grapefruit

Folie a Deux Menage a Trois Rose - C+ - merlot/syrah/gewurtz mix. interesting
Adam Puchta Blush - C+ - best blush i can recall, maybe due to watermelon/passion fruit tinges
Les Bourgeois Solay - C - good drinkable cheaper blend that includes 50% chardonel.

Les Bourgeois Vignoles-Traminette - D+ - kinda blah, not sweet or tart, just..there
Pedroncelli 'Russian River Valley' Pinot Noir - D - only pinot noirs i like have a strawberry tinge
Chateau Ste Michelle 'Indian Wells' Merlot - D - still don't like the merlots apparently...
Adam Puchta Jazz Berry - F - apparently a you love it or you hate it wine. might as well drink Boone's for the sweetness level. an off raspberry flavor

Well, after a quick try (or two) of each of these wines, I headed off to Legends for a little hang out time. One of those nights where you just need to 'chill'.

Once again I was congratulated by some and berated by others for using big words like 'Symbiotic Relationship' in the conversation.

Near the end of the night I received a text from a young lady who I hadn't seen in a while. I left, hoping to hang out with her for a while, but those plans were foiled. So what did I do? Went home and ended up finding a good, nay, GREAT webpage that had the tenets of the philosophy of Epicurus. Fair warning that a blog of Epicurus is forthcoming.

So in a way, an evening that started with wine, ended up with some truths.
Funny how we find truth in some of the oddest places. Wine and the internet. I though that combination would be much more likely to lead to bad online purchases, drunk messaging friends that live an ocean away, or bleary eyes due to surfing too long. Not that those didn't occur as well of course...

A, H, & P III

So today was going to begin with golf at 8 in the morning.

That didn't happen.
Strange that this is so, considering the person planning it got a bit plastered last night.

So instead today has been a day treating myself. Some reading, a lot of music, watched a quick movie while doing a little work(so it's not all treating myself).

In the course of my reading, I decided to pop up another blog of Calvin quotes for all of you good hearted people who are reading this. Are there actually any of you reading this? I'm aware I missed a month or so of blogging, and so lost a lot of my readership, but here's hoping that at least some of you that are now getting back to Sarah's blog might happen to stop by mine as well.

POO : Awesome job by Sarah and the Code Red Crew! Love the blog on stltoday, and congrats on being picked to do it for a good long time now. Keep the great place ideas coming. Now I'll finally be able to offer some ideas when I come to town for visits!
Check it out people:
www.stltoday.com/blogs/category/entertainment-20bucks-code-red/

UPOO

Oh yeah,

POO: P.O.O. means Point Of Order, a sidebar if you will. and UPOO is basically Un-Point Of Order. I sometimes forget the crap I do automatically that makes other people scratch their heads...If they are brave enough to even attempt figuring me out that is...

UPOO

Yukon Ho!

- I obey the letter of the law, if not the spirit.
- Natural exuberance is one of those qualities that makes me so darn endearing.
- Even though we're both talking English, we're not speaking the same language.
- Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.
- Girls flip for guys in jams.
- I'm easily wiled by a woman in a swimsuit.
- I'll bet future civilizations find out more about us than we'd like them to know.
- I take it there's no qualifying exam to be a dad.
- One of the best things about summer is going to sleep with the fan on. The gentle breeze blowing, the droning hum...Everything seems safe and serene when the fan is on. It's cool and lulling and perfect for sleep.
- Someday I hope you have a kid that puts you through what I've gone through. Yeah, that's what grandma says she used to tell YOU.
- Sometimes the anticipation of something is more fun than the thing itself once you get it.
- The end of summer is always hard on me...Trying to cram in all the goofing off I've been meaning to do.
- They can make me do it, but they can't make me do it with dignity.
- The only reason mom and dad are my parents is because I was born to them.
- Leave it to a mother to drag out a goodbye.
- My life needs a rewind/erase button. ....And a volume control.
- Girls are like slugs-they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.
- People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
- Any day you have to take a bath and go to bed early isn't a day off in my book.
- Sometimes its good to hush up a while and let Autumn stick in a few words.
- If you don't get a goodnight kiss, you get Kafka dreams.
- I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.
- Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?
- Santa Claus : kindly old elf, or CIA spook?
- This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery? If the guy exists, why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it? And if he doesn't exist, what's the meaning of all this? I dunno...Isn't this a religious holiday? Yeah, but actually I've got the same questions about God.
- How cynically enterprising of you. It's the spirit of Christmas.
- What do you think is the meaning of true happiness? Is it money, cars and women? ...Or is it just money and cars?
- Nobody ever closed school on account of prettiness.
- I had resolved to be less offended by human nature, but I think I blew it already.
- Sometimes I think all my friends have been imaginary.
- Nobody knows how to pamper like a mom.

Sheep

This is a kick.

Go to your music player, set it to shuffle/random, and answer the following questions with the title of the FIRST song that you skip to each time. No cheating! (this may be a challenge for those of you that dont believe in shuffle--you know who you are!)

The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say:
'Let's Get It On' - Tenacious D...and if you feel like I feel sugah....I'm doing this while killing time before going to the bar to celebrate the birthday. Chances are this will be on the jukebox, so I may have to get up and sing now...

Your favorite thing to say when happy is:
'We Built This City' - Starship....Some say 'Hooray!' or 'Yippee!' I'm more of a bad synth-80s rock type...

Your message to the world:
'Fantastic Voyage' - Coolio...it's all one big long fantastic voyage people....

Your deepest secret:
'Act A Fool' - Ludacris...I'm pretty sure most people know I act a fool pretty often...

Your innermost desire:
'Screamer'- Good Charlotte....I prefer things quieter really....

Your oldest memory makes you think:
'I Get High' - Styles.....'i get high on your memory' is one of the first lines, high on life baby!...

Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include:
'Satellite' - Dave Matthews...'and while i spend these hours, five senses reeling' that could be a good line for some nuptials...

On your deathbed, you'll whisper:
'I Kissed A Girl' - Jill Sobule.....or two, or three, or four, or five....

Your friends say behind your back:
'Kiss and Tell' - G Love & Special Sauce.....me, nay, I'm a gentleman....

You say behind your friends' back:
'Give A Little Bit' - Supertramp......'give a little bit, give a little bit of your love to me'...

Your opinion of email forwards:
'In The Garage' - Weezer...that should say garbage really....

When you wake up in the morning, you mutter:
'Losing You' - New Amsterdams....sleep, im losing you!!!

If you found yourself lost on a desert island, you'd yell:
'Policy of Truth' - Depeche Mode...the truth will set you free, maybe it will get you off a deserted island, too...

Right now, your feelings are:
'Hopes Up' - Soul Asylum...hopes are up for a good time tonight!

What's your excuse for forwarding this email?:
'Do Right' - Jimmie's Chicken Shack....doin' right by Jamil

Your life's soundtracK:
'Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World' - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole...perfect, couldn't ask for a better soundtrack to life, expecially after all the insights to the movie/song that i picked up from Tracy & Mike's wedding...

Your farewell message to the readers of this:
'Bang Bang Bang' - Group X.....hahahahahahahahaha, perfect....

***Now, put the next randomly chosen song as the title of this email, and repost the bulletin!