Sorry Folks,
I know it has been a long time since I updated my blog, denying you all of the hilarity and deep insights I am prone to create...
Ahem...right...
I will be in Denver for a week visiting my bestest friend Amy, and will have some free time while she is at work. And I plan on getting back in the swing of things during this time.
So hopefully the thin air won't deprive me of my usual hilarity and deep insights!
Ciao people!
I'm back bitches!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
The End of an Era
When I heard Mr Watterson was going to discontinue writing the Calvin & Hobbes comic, I was broken hearted. Literally. I was terribly upset and was angry, too. That was when I got the Tenth Anniversary Book. It had a bunch of comics already included in the other collections, but also had his commentary with it. Reading this commentary and researching the struggles between he and the conglomerates brought me some understanding, and peace.
I suggest you read the Tenth Anniversary book if you haven't. You might learn some things. Free Wrinkles people!
His final book, It's A Magical World, says goodbye to his creation in a beautiful, thoughtful, and comical way...
It's A Magical World
- The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that is even worse.
- It's pretty hard to hit that magic number of appropriately vague, mildly serious, but not quite worrisome symptoms.
- The universe just goes on forever and ever!...(hobbes)...It kind of makes you wonder why man considers himself such a big screaming deal.
- If your numbers go up, it means you're having more fun.
- Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
- Grown-ups can only justify playing outside by calling it exercise, doing it when they'd rather not, and keeping records to quantify their performance.
- A big part of life is boring routine. I need more excitement.
- Of course, a big part of life is horrifying surprise, routines can be comforting.
- Some days, even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.
- It's hard to be mad at someone who misses you while you're asleep.
- I'd hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
- Waste AND want, that's my motto.
- It's comforting to know that there are certainties in life.
- Life is full of precluded possibilities.
- When your ailments sound cute, you don't get much sympathy.
- If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it.
- It's not summer if your tongue isn't purple.
- Everyone knows it's not entertainment unless you can sit in the dark and eat.
- Enmity sells.
- If nobody makes you learn, it counts as fun.
- How can something seem so plausible at the time and so idiotic in retrospect.
- People always assume you're some kind of altruist.
- What if nothing means anything? What if nothing really matters? Or suppose everything matters. Which would be worse?
- When you're actually confronted with the stillness of nature, it's kind of startling.
- It's a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it's light out.
- I pragmatically turn my whims into principles.
- Summer is butter on your chin and corn mush between every tooth.
- I love messing with data.
- There would be more civility in this world if people didn't take it as an invitation to walk on you.
- It's not an 'attitude', it's a fact.
- Never put the low priorities first.
- In humor, timing is everything.
- To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.
- The world isn't so bad if you can just get out in it.
- When life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and at some lemons of your own.
- I like to have everything so good, I can take it all for granted.
- Life is too inconvenient.
- I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak. Am I scary or what?
- I gotta get my life some writers.
- My life could stand a lot more pizazz.
- Nobody recognizes my hints to smother me with affection.
- I really hate having things put in perspective.
- We need to start putting prices on the priceless.
- Weirdness always starts at home.
- The problem with new experiences is that they're rarely the ones you choose.
- Earthly rewards make consumerism a popular religion.
- What good is originality if you can't crank it out?
- It's hard to feel courageous in loose fitting drowsy bear jammies.
- It's a magical world, let's go exploring.
I suggest you read the Tenth Anniversary book if you haven't. You might learn some things. Free Wrinkles people!
His final book, It's A Magical World, says goodbye to his creation in a beautiful, thoughtful, and comical way...
It's A Magical World
- The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that is even worse.
- It's pretty hard to hit that magic number of appropriately vague, mildly serious, but not quite worrisome symptoms.
- The universe just goes on forever and ever!...(hobbes)...It kind of makes you wonder why man considers himself such a big screaming deal.
- If your numbers go up, it means you're having more fun.
- Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
- Grown-ups can only justify playing outside by calling it exercise, doing it when they'd rather not, and keeping records to quantify their performance.
- A big part of life is boring routine. I need more excitement.
- Of course, a big part of life is horrifying surprise, routines can be comforting.
- Some days, even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.
- It's hard to be mad at someone who misses you while you're asleep.
- I'd hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
- Waste AND want, that's my motto.
- It's comforting to know that there are certainties in life.
- Life is full of precluded possibilities.
- When your ailments sound cute, you don't get much sympathy.
- If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it.
- It's not summer if your tongue isn't purple.
- Everyone knows it's not entertainment unless you can sit in the dark and eat.
- Enmity sells.
- If nobody makes you learn, it counts as fun.
- How can something seem so plausible at the time and so idiotic in retrospect.
- People always assume you're some kind of altruist.
- What if nothing means anything? What if nothing really matters? Or suppose everything matters. Which would be worse?
- When you're actually confronted with the stillness of nature, it's kind of startling.
- It's a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it's light out.
- I pragmatically turn my whims into principles.
- Summer is butter on your chin and corn mush between every tooth.
- I love messing with data.
- There would be more civility in this world if people didn't take it as an invitation to walk on you.
- It's not an 'attitude', it's a fact.
- Never put the low priorities first.
- In humor, timing is everything.
- To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.
- The world isn't so bad if you can just get out in it.
- When life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and at some lemons of your own.
- I like to have everything so good, I can take it all for granted.
- Life is too inconvenient.
- I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak. Am I scary or what?
- I gotta get my life some writers.
- My life could stand a lot more pizazz.
- Nobody recognizes my hints to smother me with affection.
- I really hate having things put in perspective.
- We need to start putting prices on the priceless.
- Weirdness always starts at home.
- The problem with new experiences is that they're rarely the ones you choose.
- Earthly rewards make consumerism a popular religion.
- What good is originality if you can't crank it out?
- It's hard to feel courageous in loose fitting drowsy bear jammies.
- It's a magical world, let's go exploring.
I hate this game!....I love this game!
' This game is all that is soulless and wrong in the world! I hate it with the red hot passion of a thousand fiery suns! ' - Me
' This is the best invention ever. Forget the wheel or sliced bread, this is the shit! ' - Me
I've said both of these things, or variants thereof, about golf and poker. Both activities have cause me great happiness and great anguish at different times. Despite the disappointments, I stick with them. Pardon the analogy, but I'm like a battered wife who just doesn't get it. I get beaten, hurt and crapped on by these things, but I love them still. Addicted? In love? Brain Injury?
I haven't gambled at table games at a casino in quite a while. The last time I went I lost nearly $100 on the 3-6 poker tables. This isn't all that bad when you look at it, but I consider myself much better at poker than that. Of course, I won the money back right after on the craps table, as per usual, so it wasn't all bad. Because of this particular excursion, I vowed to stay away from poker for a while, except for work get togethers.
Our boss has poker nights as his place every now and again, and I would go there to play, but I was rusty due to inactivity. Now some of the guys at work and I have been getting together a few times here and there to play. I was trepidatious at first, but I've won money four out of the past six times played. I love you, poker....
Last night was one such evening. We got together at someone's house to play for an evening. A couple of beers, a couple of laughs, and a couple of tantrums later (by someone else, not me), I got down to a decision for all my chips. I had Jd 6d. (h=hearts, d=diamonds, c=clubs, s=spades, j=jack, q=queen, k=king, a=ace)
The flop was 9d, 9c, 4d. So I was on the flush draw. I was the short stack left at the table, so I went all in. The other guy had a pair of 8's . The turn came....Ad! Flush baby! The river came...8d! Full house for him! Shit! Poker...you bitch....
We finished the first game early, so we decided to start a second round. I proceeded to knock every person out of the game. The sweetest part was against a friend at work who just that night gloated that I couldn't beat him head to head. Well, a flop comes up 10c, 7c, 4d. I have Kc Qc. So I'm on a flush draw with two over cards. This other guy goes all in. I figure he has top pair. I call. He has Ah 10s. I was right. I end up winning when a King comes on the turn. He got quite upset saying I had no business calling. It was a coin flip! I had him covered and every reason to call! And I won!
Poker, you're my first, my last, my everything....
See what I mean by the ups and downs?
Friday, Kris was in town and we went golfing. This was sadly my first outing this year. Now, I'm not that great at golf. I regularly shoot 95-105 after I've been playing a bit. I don't play as often as you need to get a lot of practice, and I've only played for about 6 years or so. Enough of the excuses.
I start off ok, shots are sounding good, feeling good, going the right distance, but not quite the right direction. I kept pulling the ball to the left, until I get to a dogleg left hole, then I hit it straight. Golf, you motherf***a....
Eventually we make our way to the 14th hole, I', feeling good about my chances because I won the hole before. My honors. I step up and crank the 3 iron shot to within 6 feet of the hole. Sink the birdie putt. SWEET! Only my second or third birdie ever. Sadly. Golf, you're my new best friend.
Now we are down to the last hole, once again I won the hole prior and remember how I did last time I did that, so I'm feeling good...
Scene:
Dave pulls the cart up beside the 18th Tee box, sets the parking break, steps out and chooses his 3 iron. He reaches back and grabs a tee from the wheel. He makes his way up to the tee box and peers down the length of the fairway confidently...
He plucks a ball from his right pocket and pierces the ground with his tee, balancing the ball and rising to take his stance. He swings once just to loosen his back, then approaches the ball. He leans over, placing the club just behind the ball, left foot an inch or so in front of the right to correct his swing, he pauses, breathes in, out, opens his eyes, and begins his backswing...
The swing reaches its apex and he continues the swing quickly and 'gracefully' toward the ball. Contact is made and suddenly his hands feel lighter...
CRACK!
WWWHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
AHH!
I glance up and apparently, according to Kris, jump about a foot in the air when the head of my club comes flying off as I made contact with the ball. A foot in the air and a yelp of some kind. The head of the 3 iron flies about sixty yards skimming the ground the whole way. The whirring noise was more of an interrupted whirring, very Chewbacca-esque. The damn thing sounded like a randy wookie's mating call. I lose complete track of the ball and complete lack of understanding as to what the hell just happened!! I run up and find the head of the club and stare mystified. I didn't finish the hole or the game and just gave up on the day. I didn't find out until about an hour later I left my phone in the golf cart. At that point I just uttered a defeated sigh as Kris chuckled devilishly.
Golf you asshole son of a rarggafargasargrabblemartyugilfiry bastard....
Well, at least I've made some money from the poker to get the club fixed...
' This is the best invention ever. Forget the wheel or sliced bread, this is the shit! ' - Me
I've said both of these things, or variants thereof, about golf and poker. Both activities have cause me great happiness and great anguish at different times. Despite the disappointments, I stick with them. Pardon the analogy, but I'm like a battered wife who just doesn't get it. I get beaten, hurt and crapped on by these things, but I love them still. Addicted? In love? Brain Injury?
I haven't gambled at table games at a casino in quite a while. The last time I went I lost nearly $100 on the 3-6 poker tables. This isn't all that bad when you look at it, but I consider myself much better at poker than that. Of course, I won the money back right after on the craps table, as per usual, so it wasn't all bad. Because of this particular excursion, I vowed to stay away from poker for a while, except for work get togethers.
Our boss has poker nights as his place every now and again, and I would go there to play, but I was rusty due to inactivity. Now some of the guys at work and I have been getting together a few times here and there to play. I was trepidatious at first, but I've won money four out of the past six times played. I love you, poker....
Last night was one such evening. We got together at someone's house to play for an evening. A couple of beers, a couple of laughs, and a couple of tantrums later (by someone else, not me), I got down to a decision for all my chips. I had Jd 6d. (h=hearts, d=diamonds, c=clubs, s=spades, j=jack, q=queen, k=king, a=ace)
The flop was 9d, 9c, 4d. So I was on the flush draw. I was the short stack left at the table, so I went all in. The other guy had a pair of 8's . The turn came....Ad! Flush baby! The river came...8d! Full house for him! Shit! Poker...you bitch....
We finished the first game early, so we decided to start a second round. I proceeded to knock every person out of the game. The sweetest part was against a friend at work who just that night gloated that I couldn't beat him head to head. Well, a flop comes up 10c, 7c, 4d. I have Kc Qc. So I'm on a flush draw with two over cards. This other guy goes all in. I figure he has top pair. I call. He has Ah 10s. I was right. I end up winning when a King comes on the turn. He got quite upset saying I had no business calling. It was a coin flip! I had him covered and every reason to call! And I won!
Poker, you're my first, my last, my everything....
See what I mean by the ups and downs?
Friday, Kris was in town and we went golfing. This was sadly my first outing this year. Now, I'm not that great at golf. I regularly shoot 95-105 after I've been playing a bit. I don't play as often as you need to get a lot of practice, and I've only played for about 6 years or so. Enough of the excuses.
I start off ok, shots are sounding good, feeling good, going the right distance, but not quite the right direction. I kept pulling the ball to the left, until I get to a dogleg left hole, then I hit it straight. Golf, you motherf***a....
Eventually we make our way to the 14th hole, I', feeling good about my chances because I won the hole before. My honors. I step up and crank the 3 iron shot to within 6 feet of the hole. Sink the birdie putt. SWEET! Only my second or third birdie ever. Sadly. Golf, you're my new best friend.
Now we are down to the last hole, once again I won the hole prior and remember how I did last time I did that, so I'm feeling good...
Scene:
Dave pulls the cart up beside the 18th Tee box, sets the parking break, steps out and chooses his 3 iron. He reaches back and grabs a tee from the wheel. He makes his way up to the tee box and peers down the length of the fairway confidently...
He plucks a ball from his right pocket and pierces the ground with his tee, balancing the ball and rising to take his stance. He swings once just to loosen his back, then approaches the ball. He leans over, placing the club just behind the ball, left foot an inch or so in front of the right to correct his swing, he pauses, breathes in, out, opens his eyes, and begins his backswing...
The swing reaches its apex and he continues the swing quickly and 'gracefully' toward the ball. Contact is made and suddenly his hands feel lighter...
CRACK!
WWWHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
AHH!
I glance up and apparently, according to Kris, jump about a foot in the air when the head of my club comes flying off as I made contact with the ball. A foot in the air and a yelp of some kind. The head of the 3 iron flies about sixty yards skimming the ground the whole way. The whirring noise was more of an interrupted whirring, very Chewbacca-esque. The damn thing sounded like a randy wookie's mating call. I lose complete track of the ball and complete lack of understanding as to what the hell just happened!! I run up and find the head of the club and stare mystified. I didn't finish the hole or the game and just gave up on the day. I didn't find out until about an hour later I left my phone in the golf cart. At that point I just uttered a defeated sigh as Kris chuckled devilishly.
Golf you asshole son of a rarggafargasargrabblemartyugilfiry bastard....
Well, at least I've made some money from the poker to get the club fixed...
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Be Patient, It's Almost Over
My Calvin & Hobbes blogs have met with quite a bit of criticism, and a little enjoyment. Well, so long as someone is getting some enjoyment out of them, I say...
On With The Show!!
It's my world, and even I'm scared to be living in it half the time. It's all about what you make of your world, and that is Calvin to a 'T'.
This comic is all about his world, and everyone else is just living in it. His parents don't have names because kids don't see their parents as named individuals. They are dad and mom, period.
Today, I thought of another strange correlation between Calvin and I. Some people at work got to talking about cartoons from when we were younger. I remember being a big fan of Thundercats. It wasn't my favorite, but I watched it for sure. One of my most vivid memories of my own crazy imagination is from taking long drives. Of course a long drive is a relative term at that age. I used to think Faust Park in Chesterfield was lightyears away from our house in South City. The trips to Grandma & Grandpa's in Union, what we called, 'The Country'? That was nearly unbearable for me. So I put my imagination to work. I used to imagine Cheetarah from Thundercats, running alongside the car! She was just doing crazy flips and weaving through traffic, and running over cars, going from one side to the other. My folks probably thought I was a bit out of it, just staring at asphalt....
Mom : ~siiiighhh~ He's doing it again...
Dad : What?
Mom : Staring out the window, jaw agape, eyes darting back and forth.
Dad : Oh yeah, that again. Those child psychology books aren't worth a thing.
Mom : He's your son. (to me) David?
Me : hmmm
Mom : Want a butterscotch?
Me : hmmm
That first part is all guesswork, but I remember Cheetarah and butterscotch discs like they were yesterday.
mmm butterscotch.......
See? I had my feline, and Calvin has his.
There's Treasure Everywhere
- I don't think you should have to do something unless you're enthusiastic about it.
- I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius...nobody thinks I'm a genius.
- Anymore, simply acknowledging the issue is a moral victory.
- You should always save hyperbole until you really need it.
- Once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. You realize that nature is ruthless and our existence is very fragile, temporary, and precious. But to go on with daily affairs, you can't really think about that...which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted and why we act so thoughtlessly. It's very confusing. I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up.
- If I'm going to get clobbered, I like to deserve it.
- Sometimes I think books are the only friends worth having.
- Love the sinner, hate the sin.
- I'M SIGNIFICANT! Screamed the dust speck.
- God must have a goofy sense of humor.
- I need to stop thinking while I'm ahead.
- Nobody takes responsibility for his actions anymore.
- If your friends are contractual, you don't have any.
- My whole problem is my lips move when I think.
- They say the world is a stage, but obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines...(hobbes)...Maybe that's why it's hard to tell if we're in a tragedy or a farce.
- Nothing in life is ever easy.
- As usual, goodness hardly puts up a fight.
- I can't wait until I'm old enough to 'putter around'.
- Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.
- When in doubt, deny all terms and definitions.
- The more indecisive I am, the faster things get decided.
- A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.
- It's our patriotic duty to buy distractions from a simple life.
- I don't care about being accepted, I'd settle for being ignored.
- I though I had a great idea, but it never really took off. In fact it didn't even get on the runway. I guess you could say it exploded in the hangar.
- Great experiences are even better when they are shared.
- I refuse to be victimized by notions of virtuous behavior.
- When you're great, people often mistake candor for bragging.
- I love loopholes.
- Why should I have to work for everything? That's like saying I don't deserve it.
- My brain always rejects attitude transplants.
- Sometimes life seems unbearably tragic.
- I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.
- I wonder why we think faster than we can speak...(hobbes)...Probably so we can think twice.
- Your denial of my victimhood is lowering my self-esteem.
- Let's hope bumbling along without a clue is important.
On With The Show!!
It's my world, and even I'm scared to be living in it half the time. It's all about what you make of your world, and that is Calvin to a 'T'.
This comic is all about his world, and everyone else is just living in it. His parents don't have names because kids don't see their parents as named individuals. They are dad and mom, period.
Today, I thought of another strange correlation between Calvin and I. Some people at work got to talking about cartoons from when we were younger. I remember being a big fan of Thundercats. It wasn't my favorite, but I watched it for sure. One of my most vivid memories of my own crazy imagination is from taking long drives. Of course a long drive is a relative term at that age. I used to think Faust Park in Chesterfield was lightyears away from our house in South City. The trips to Grandma & Grandpa's in Union, what we called, 'The Country'? That was nearly unbearable for me. So I put my imagination to work. I used to imagine Cheetarah from Thundercats, running alongside the car! She was just doing crazy flips and weaving through traffic, and running over cars, going from one side to the other. My folks probably thought I was a bit out of it, just staring at asphalt....
Mom : ~siiiighhh~ He's doing it again...
Dad : What?
Mom : Staring out the window, jaw agape, eyes darting back and forth.
Dad : Oh yeah, that again. Those child psychology books aren't worth a thing.
Mom : He's your son. (to me) David?
Me : hmmm
Mom : Want a butterscotch?
Me : hmmm
That first part is all guesswork, but I remember Cheetarah and butterscotch discs like they were yesterday.
mmm butterscotch.......
See? I had my feline, and Calvin has his.
There's Treasure Everywhere
- I don't think you should have to do something unless you're enthusiastic about it.
- I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius...nobody thinks I'm a genius.
- Anymore, simply acknowledging the issue is a moral victory.
- You should always save hyperbole until you really need it.
- Once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. You realize that nature is ruthless and our existence is very fragile, temporary, and precious. But to go on with daily affairs, you can't really think about that...which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted and why we act so thoughtlessly. It's very confusing. I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up.
- If I'm going to get clobbered, I like to deserve it.
- Sometimes I think books are the only friends worth having.
- Love the sinner, hate the sin.
- I'M SIGNIFICANT! Screamed the dust speck.
- God must have a goofy sense of humor.
- I need to stop thinking while I'm ahead.
- Nobody takes responsibility for his actions anymore.
- If your friends are contractual, you don't have any.
- My whole problem is my lips move when I think.
- They say the world is a stage, but obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines...(hobbes)...Maybe that's why it's hard to tell if we're in a tragedy or a farce.
- Nothing in life is ever easy.
- As usual, goodness hardly puts up a fight.
- I can't wait until I'm old enough to 'putter around'.
- Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.
- When in doubt, deny all terms and definitions.
- The more indecisive I am, the faster things get decided.
- A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.
- It's our patriotic duty to buy distractions from a simple life.
- I don't care about being accepted, I'd settle for being ignored.
- I though I had a great idea, but it never really took off. In fact it didn't even get on the runway. I guess you could say it exploded in the hangar.
- Great experiences are even better when they are shared.
- I refuse to be victimized by notions of virtuous behavior.
- When you're great, people often mistake candor for bragging.
- I love loopholes.
- Why should I have to work for everything? That's like saying I don't deserve it.
- My brain always rejects attitude transplants.
- Sometimes life seems unbearably tragic.
- I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.
- I wonder why we think faster than we can speak...(hobbes)...Probably so we can think twice.
- Your denial of my victimhood is lowering my self-esteem.
- Let's hope bumbling along without a clue is important.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Eight Down, Three To Go...
I was made fun of, called an egotistical bastard, and given kudos all in the same day for something I have worked hard at for quite a while. My vocabulary. I'm sorry I like to use big words, I do not intend to impress, offend, or make others feel stupid. If anything, I like teaching people the big words I tend to use. I really enjoy sharing information. I realize sometimes it may come across as looking down on someone else's intelligence, but honestly, get over it.
I'm not going to stop using big words because it makes people feel dumb. If anything, that will make me use them more! Much thanks for my vocabulary goes to my parents and to Calvin & Hobbes. Everytime I would ask my folks what a word meant, they made me go look it up in the giant dictionary that stood on a pedestal in the living room. Looking back, I don't know many people who would have such a thing in their living room, and am kind of surprised that my parents would be two of them. Worked out well for us kids though.
The other assistant in learning words was definitely Calvin & Hobbes. While I didn't know this at the time, the vocabulary Calvin has is not normal for a six year old. I though I should know all these words he does. Even when I got to be 14 and 15 I still didn't recognize all of the words! One of these days I'm going to make a list of the astounding words Calvin is familiar with. How many people can use the line 'I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul' properly?
Now I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of MY soul and create another list...
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
- You can tell a good spy by his ominous logo.
- No efficiency. No accountability. I tell you, it's a lousy way to run a universe.
- Not thinking about it won't make it go away, you know!
- No retractable claws, no opposable toes, no prehensile tail, no compound eyes, no fangs, no wings....sigggghhhh....
- Ever notice how time slows down during a catastrophe...and good times are always over so fast.
- My bills always die in subcommittee.
- You can present the material, but you can't make me care.
- I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it.
- Deep down, I doubt my greed for presents can overcome my desire to misbehave.
- I think as long as you suffer for your sins, they don't count.
- Fortunately, I'm the stoic type.
- I've got to stop introducing topics of conversation.
- I'm not getting up until it's as warm out there as it is in here.
- Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
- The problem with being avant-garde is knowing who's putting on who.
- I love the culture of victimhood.
- It's that moment of dawning comprehension that I live for.
- Verbing weirds language.
- One more nostalgic part of childhood goes THBPPTH.
- If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
- When your strategy is to run like a squirrel, it's hard to come up with a good taunt.
- A joke is never as funny the second time you hear it.
- I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life, procrastinating and rationalizing.
- Reality continues to ruin my life.
- Exercise is a lot more gratifying if you count what it feels like.
- If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
- How many boards would the mongols hoard, if the mongol hordes got bored?
- It's a funny world, but not a hilarious world, unless you like sick humor.
- Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.
- A good compromise leaves everybody mad.
- When you've got talent like ours, the world is your oyster.
- People only recognize greatness when some authority confirms it.
- Nobody likes us 'big picture' people.
- Everybody hates a literalist.
- Nobody likes to hear about a hobby.
- Not having my emotions manipulated is such a weird experience.
- Some people just aren't open to revelatory experiences.
- The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.
- Tomorrow, we'll seize the day and throttle it.
- Every minute outside and awake is a good minute.
- I'd like to shoot the idiots who think this...(violence on tv)...affects me.
- It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden stop at the end.
I'm not going to stop using big words because it makes people feel dumb. If anything, that will make me use them more! Much thanks for my vocabulary goes to my parents and to Calvin & Hobbes. Everytime I would ask my folks what a word meant, they made me go look it up in the giant dictionary that stood on a pedestal in the living room. Looking back, I don't know many people who would have such a thing in their living room, and am kind of surprised that my parents would be two of them. Worked out well for us kids though.
The other assistant in learning words was definitely Calvin & Hobbes. While I didn't know this at the time, the vocabulary Calvin has is not normal for a six year old. I though I should know all these words he does. Even when I got to be 14 and 15 I still didn't recognize all of the words! One of these days I'm going to make a list of the astounding words Calvin is familiar with. How many people can use the line 'I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul' properly?
Now I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of MY soul and create another list...
Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat
- You can tell a good spy by his ominous logo.
- No efficiency. No accountability. I tell you, it's a lousy way to run a universe.
- Not thinking about it won't make it go away, you know!
- No retractable claws, no opposable toes, no prehensile tail, no compound eyes, no fangs, no wings....sigggghhhh....
- Ever notice how time slows down during a catastrophe...and good times are always over so fast.
- My bills always die in subcommittee.
- You can present the material, but you can't make me care.
- I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it.
- Deep down, I doubt my greed for presents can overcome my desire to misbehave.
- I think as long as you suffer for your sins, they don't count.
- Fortunately, I'm the stoic type.
- I've got to stop introducing topics of conversation.
- I'm not getting up until it's as warm out there as it is in here.
- Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
- The problem with being avant-garde is knowing who's putting on who.
- I love the culture of victimhood.
- It's that moment of dawning comprehension that I live for.
- Verbing weirds language.
- One more nostalgic part of childhood goes THBPPTH.
- If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
- When your strategy is to run like a squirrel, it's hard to come up with a good taunt.
- A joke is never as funny the second time you hear it.
- I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life, procrastinating and rationalizing.
- Reality continues to ruin my life.
- Exercise is a lot more gratifying if you count what it feels like.
- If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
- How many boards would the mongols hoard, if the mongol hordes got bored?
- It's a funny world, but not a hilarious world, unless you like sick humor.
- Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.
- A good compromise leaves everybody mad.
- When you've got talent like ours, the world is your oyster.
- People only recognize greatness when some authority confirms it.
- Nobody likes us 'big picture' people.
- Everybody hates a literalist.
- Nobody likes to hear about a hobby.
- Not having my emotions manipulated is such a weird experience.
- Some people just aren't open to revelatory experiences.
- The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.
- Tomorrow, we'll seize the day and throttle it.
- Every minute outside and awake is a good minute.
- I'd like to shoot the idiots who think this...(violence on tv)...affects me.
- It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden stop at the end.
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