Holiday Season is Over......

Holiday Season is over, Long Live the Holidays.

I have finally arrived at the final of a three part holiday revue as it were. It sure did take a while. That little rant about the religious right cut into it a bit, but it reminded me of a little paradox I call ...Me.

But more on that later...trust me, more than you will wish. All of you have been so patient for the final chapter in the holiday escapades that I must put that off for another time. You do want to hear about the karaoke, cat assassins, and 'Great Deer Explosion' don't you?

Ok, so Xmas is over and I'm back in Columbia. Time to take all of the Xmas merch that didn't sell and mark it down for all of those crazy after Xmas shoppers. Considering how much we started with, there was surprisingly little to be marked down. Plus, I wanted to save some things for next year, like the Rudolph & Santa...Town Claymation Action Figures. Those will sell every year, no sense in not getting full price on those!

Not much to speak of the rest of the week. Spent some time hanging out with friends that finally had nothing to do. Wheeeee.

New Year's Eve was comin' up and I had some decisions to make. Wheels was having a party at this home. The Colonel was planning on coming up, so there was hanging out with him and Rome. Then there was the possibility of doing something with Swells. What to do? And why do all of my friends go mostly by odd nicknames? Ok, so Greg, Kris, Jerome & Sarah. There, much better.

So The Colonel (I revert, it's what I do) decides not to come to town. Swells has other plans. Decision made. I was leaning that direction anyhow, so it worked out well. Wheels house it is. Now Wheels is a friend of Mike's. It's a Marching Mizzou connection that even I don't understand all of.

Mike, Tracy, & Tina head up to town New Year's Eve. I was working until 7, so I told them I would meet them at my apt. A quick shower, fix up, look sharp, (anybody know Dizee Rascal?) and we're on our way to Casa De Wheels. Once there I see all kinds of MM people that I remember slightly from the parties that Mike always had me at. Considering I was 'Little Crowe' at the time and they liked to try and get me liquored up, the recollection of all of them is kind of fuzzy at best.

I believe the theme of the night was beer and Karaoke. There was a keg-er-ator in the basement with 90 Schilling on tap. Fantastic beer, I highly suggest it. The list of Karaoke available was akin to some bars I've been to. Lots of choices. First choice - Blues Brother's Sweet Home Chicago. Second Choice - Barenaked Ladies - If I Had A Million Dollars. Now I like to think that I performed rather well for my first time karaoke-ing at this point. Picked a couple of songs that required some vocal skill but didn't go overboard. Well, then the alcohol and the cat started getting to me.

I am allergic to cats, and it seems to be getting worse, not better as I get older. I always had a bit of a problem breathing with prolonged exposure to cats, but nothing serious. Back in '02 I stayed a week in Arizona in a house with two cats and two dogs. There were times where I had to go outside for a half hour or so to be able to catch my breath. No big deal, certainly couldn't breathe through my nose, but I dealt with it. Well, at Wheels' place I started to not be able to breathe properly. That made it difficult to sing properly. Well, the alcohol made it difficult for me to make a proper choice in karaoke considering my affliction as it were. Third Choice - Eagles Seven Bridges Road. Fourth Choice - Dusty Springfield Son of a Preacher Man. Now I don't think I could have properly done Seven Bridges Road in perfect condition. My bad. I chose preacher man as a joke because I love the song and no female was choosing it. It had to be done. Dignity and respect aside, I had to hear it....

Ouch. I apologize to all of those present. It was not a pretty sight...sound.

Finally make our way back to my apartment. In the car on the way over there I almost start hyper-ventilating. I couldn't breathe properly and my heart was beating really fast. When I got home I ended up having to stand with my hands palm to the ceiling to try and get more air. (I'm really tall, its a plus most times.) After that a couple of aspirin and a shower with the use of Sudacare Shower Soothers. Have you seen this product? Basically it is a 2000 flushes looking disc that you toss in the bottom of your shower. The hot water then starts to melt it away releasing mentholated eucalyptus vapors. Really clears you up, Takes about a half hour for the disc to completely wash away. Worked like a charm. Mr Cat, your infernal plan was foiled! By this point I was sober, cleared up and ready for bed. Except I think I had nightmares about singing that last song....

Well, back to work, 2pm the next day. I find out that I am getting the whole next weekend off as a reward for working as much as I did over the holiday period. Road Trip!

I call up a few friends and determine a trip to Tulsa is necessary. Turns out my good friend Amy accepted a job with the Fox station in Denver, so this would be one of the last times that we could just take a quick 5 hour trip to see her. Another, less than joyous reason was that her boyfriend Nick and her officially broke up. Long term relationship. Worked together, lived together, not good. So Kris (The Colonel) and I decide it is our mission to go down there, take her mind off it, and have a good time.

We didn't leave until Friday afternoon because Amy is the producer of the evening news at NBC-Tulsa. Works until 11pm. Figure we'll get there about an hour before showtime, check out the station, then go wait at a bar for her to get off.
The drive down was fairly uneventful. We listened to a quality mix of old and new songs on Kris' Ipod. Chatted about the old days. Then we started getting a little slap happy. I think it started just outside Joplin, Mo. By this point it is fairly dark and details on the side of the highway are difficult to see. Then a big red sign appears on the right. Just three letters. No Inc., Corp, periods between the letters, nothing. Just three letters....FAG. We couldn't tell if it was a business name or what. We about died laughing. I was shocked we didn't run off the road. I was crying. I have since learned that it is a ball bearing company. Odd, FAG works with balls. I'm sorry, I couldn't help it.

Now I'm not homosexual. Nor am I a homophobe. But at some point when you get slap happy, things that made you laugh when you were 12 or 13 all of the sudden become funny again.

We get to the TV station and there is a company called 'Rocket Lube' with the picture of a rocket shooting off covered in grease. I'm sorry, but after the previous bout of laughter, it happened again. Then we look at the front of the TV station. Channel 2. The sign says 'Number 2 Works For You!' My stomach hurts at this point. I'm sure Amy's co-workers thought we were crazy or something.

Good times had the nights we were down there. I highly recommend James W McNellie's. Four page, three columns per page beer menu. Huge.

Then there were the sleeping arrangements. Kris and I slept across the hall from one of Amy's roommates that had a cat. There is a bed and we brought a sleeping bag. We flip for the bed, I win, but decide to save the bed for the second night when I'll really need some sleep. First night I have trouble breathing, but i was in the sleeping bag, so there was a bit of a barrier. Kris says I snored. I'm shocked. Second night I get the bed. Apparently the cat liked that bed. I couldn't breathe so I switched with Kris. At this point I'm blowing my nose and coughing a lot. I lay down, but can't get my breathing under control. After a while I can't just breathe on my own. I have to literally tell myself breathe in, breathe out. My body won't just take over and do it properly. I have learned since, this is hyper-ventilating. I was breathing quickly trying to catch my breath and couldn't do it. I was getting scared at this point. I stepped outside two different times to try and get it under control, but was unsuccessful both times. At this point I am sure I am making things worse. I decide to sit outside again and just sit. I was out there for an hour. I took my heartbeat at one point it was up above 105. At rest, that's not good I hear. I eventually tire myself out and get it under control. Second attempt on my life by a cat in two weeks! I'm starting to think it is a conspiracy against me from creatures of the feline persuasion. Benadryl will now be my weapon. They say the best defense is a good offense, but taking a razor to every cat I see eventually becomes a bit impractical. It's not that I don't like cats, my immune system doesn't.

Spent Sunday watching my Bengals get destroyed by the Steelers. First pass of the game, Carson Palmer gets hit on the knee, tears two ligaments, out for the season. Not a good omen. A few plays later, third wide receiver Chris Henry hurts a knee. Out for the season. Uhoh...

Kris and I head home, no excitement really. I talk on the phone a couple of times to some people who both say, 'Well I better let you go so you don't hit a deer or anything.' I drop Kris in Steeleville, Mo. so he can head home, and I head up 68 and 63 to get back to Columbia. As he gets in his car, says, 'Have a safe drive, don't hit any deer.' It's about 1am, and I'm about 15 minutes outside of Columbia. Wide awake as I slept till about noon that morning. Had some Jaime Cullum on the CD player. A little hot cocoa in the cup holder. And all of the sudden two deer come running out from the median. I swerve from the right lane to the left. Some say, 'Into the deer?!?', but that direction takes my motion vector away from theirs and we are then heading away from each other. I miss those two deer, but then a third one comes out of nowhere. I swerve back into the right lane to try and avoid this one, but end up catching him smack on the left front corner. I'm talking center of deer, corner of car. I've never seen an animal explode like that. It's like I caught it in just the right spot that things just came apart. Luckily it ricochets to the left as my car is going to the right so I don't run over it and it doesn't come up into my windshield. Hence, The Great Deer Explosion.


Turns out maybe it is the entire animal kingdom that is out to get me, not just felines. If you see a raccoon or a squirrel that looks like it is casing your place, please let me know. Family, friends, keep a lookout. Since the creatures have been unsuccessful getting me, they may go after you.

Keep your eyes peeled, be vigilant, be safe.