Holiday Season is Over......

Holiday Season is over, Long Live the Holidays.

I have finally arrived at the final of a three part holiday revue as it were. It sure did take a while. That little rant about the religious right cut into it a bit, but it reminded me of a little paradox I call ...Me.

But more on that later...trust me, more than you will wish. All of you have been so patient for the final chapter in the holiday escapades that I must put that off for another time. You do want to hear about the karaoke, cat assassins, and 'Great Deer Explosion' don't you?

Ok, so Xmas is over and I'm back in Columbia. Time to take all of the Xmas merch that didn't sell and mark it down for all of those crazy after Xmas shoppers. Considering how much we started with, there was surprisingly little to be marked down. Plus, I wanted to save some things for next year, like the Rudolph & Santa...Town Claymation Action Figures. Those will sell every year, no sense in not getting full price on those!

Not much to speak of the rest of the week. Spent some time hanging out with friends that finally had nothing to do. Wheeeee.

New Year's Eve was comin' up and I had some decisions to make. Wheels was having a party at this home. The Colonel was planning on coming up, so there was hanging out with him and Rome. Then there was the possibility of doing something with Swells. What to do? And why do all of my friends go mostly by odd nicknames? Ok, so Greg, Kris, Jerome & Sarah. There, much better.

So The Colonel (I revert, it's what I do) decides not to come to town. Swells has other plans. Decision made. I was leaning that direction anyhow, so it worked out well. Wheels house it is. Now Wheels is a friend of Mike's. It's a Marching Mizzou connection that even I don't understand all of.

Mike, Tracy, & Tina head up to town New Year's Eve. I was working until 7, so I told them I would meet them at my apt. A quick shower, fix up, look sharp, (anybody know Dizee Rascal?) and we're on our way to Casa De Wheels. Once there I see all kinds of MM people that I remember slightly from the parties that Mike always had me at. Considering I was 'Little Crowe' at the time and they liked to try and get me liquored up, the recollection of all of them is kind of fuzzy at best.

I believe the theme of the night was beer and Karaoke. There was a keg-er-ator in the basement with 90 Schilling on tap. Fantastic beer, I highly suggest it. The list of Karaoke available was akin to some bars I've been to. Lots of choices. First choice - Blues Brother's Sweet Home Chicago. Second Choice - Barenaked Ladies - If I Had A Million Dollars. Now I like to think that I performed rather well for my first time karaoke-ing at this point. Picked a couple of songs that required some vocal skill but didn't go overboard. Well, then the alcohol and the cat started getting to me.

I am allergic to cats, and it seems to be getting worse, not better as I get older. I always had a bit of a problem breathing with prolonged exposure to cats, but nothing serious. Back in '02 I stayed a week in Arizona in a house with two cats and two dogs. There were times where I had to go outside for a half hour or so to be able to catch my breath. No big deal, certainly couldn't breathe through my nose, but I dealt with it. Well, at Wheels' place I started to not be able to breathe properly. That made it difficult to sing properly. Well, the alcohol made it difficult for me to make a proper choice in karaoke considering my affliction as it were. Third Choice - Eagles Seven Bridges Road. Fourth Choice - Dusty Springfield Son of a Preacher Man. Now I don't think I could have properly done Seven Bridges Road in perfect condition. My bad. I chose preacher man as a joke because I love the song and no female was choosing it. It had to be done. Dignity and respect aside, I had to hear it....

Ouch. I apologize to all of those present. It was not a pretty sight...sound.

Finally make our way back to my apartment. In the car on the way over there I almost start hyper-ventilating. I couldn't breathe properly and my heart was beating really fast. When I got home I ended up having to stand with my hands palm to the ceiling to try and get more air. (I'm really tall, its a plus most times.) After that a couple of aspirin and a shower with the use of Sudacare Shower Soothers. Have you seen this product? Basically it is a 2000 flushes looking disc that you toss in the bottom of your shower. The hot water then starts to melt it away releasing mentholated eucalyptus vapors. Really clears you up, Takes about a half hour for the disc to completely wash away. Worked like a charm. Mr Cat, your infernal plan was foiled! By this point I was sober, cleared up and ready for bed. Except I think I had nightmares about singing that last song....

Well, back to work, 2pm the next day. I find out that I am getting the whole next weekend off as a reward for working as much as I did over the holiday period. Road Trip!

I call up a few friends and determine a trip to Tulsa is necessary. Turns out my good friend Amy accepted a job with the Fox station in Denver, so this would be one of the last times that we could just take a quick 5 hour trip to see her. Another, less than joyous reason was that her boyfriend Nick and her officially broke up. Long term relationship. Worked together, lived together, not good. So Kris (The Colonel) and I decide it is our mission to go down there, take her mind off it, and have a good time.

We didn't leave until Friday afternoon because Amy is the producer of the evening news at NBC-Tulsa. Works until 11pm. Figure we'll get there about an hour before showtime, check out the station, then go wait at a bar for her to get off.
The drive down was fairly uneventful. We listened to a quality mix of old and new songs on Kris' Ipod. Chatted about the old days. Then we started getting a little slap happy. I think it started just outside Joplin, Mo. By this point it is fairly dark and details on the side of the highway are difficult to see. Then a big red sign appears on the right. Just three letters. No Inc., Corp, periods between the letters, nothing. Just three letters....FAG. We couldn't tell if it was a business name or what. We about died laughing. I was shocked we didn't run off the road. I was crying. I have since learned that it is a ball bearing company. Odd, FAG works with balls. I'm sorry, I couldn't help it.

Now I'm not homosexual. Nor am I a homophobe. But at some point when you get slap happy, things that made you laugh when you were 12 or 13 all of the sudden become funny again.

We get to the TV station and there is a company called 'Rocket Lube' with the picture of a rocket shooting off covered in grease. I'm sorry, but after the previous bout of laughter, it happened again. Then we look at the front of the TV station. Channel 2. The sign says 'Number 2 Works For You!' My stomach hurts at this point. I'm sure Amy's co-workers thought we were crazy or something.

Good times had the nights we were down there. I highly recommend James W McNellie's. Four page, three columns per page beer menu. Huge.

Then there were the sleeping arrangements. Kris and I slept across the hall from one of Amy's roommates that had a cat. There is a bed and we brought a sleeping bag. We flip for the bed, I win, but decide to save the bed for the second night when I'll really need some sleep. First night I have trouble breathing, but i was in the sleeping bag, so there was a bit of a barrier. Kris says I snored. I'm shocked. Second night I get the bed. Apparently the cat liked that bed. I couldn't breathe so I switched with Kris. At this point I'm blowing my nose and coughing a lot. I lay down, but can't get my breathing under control. After a while I can't just breathe on my own. I have to literally tell myself breathe in, breathe out. My body won't just take over and do it properly. I have learned since, this is hyper-ventilating. I was breathing quickly trying to catch my breath and couldn't do it. I was getting scared at this point. I stepped outside two different times to try and get it under control, but was unsuccessful both times. At this point I am sure I am making things worse. I decide to sit outside again and just sit. I was out there for an hour. I took my heartbeat at one point it was up above 105. At rest, that's not good I hear. I eventually tire myself out and get it under control. Second attempt on my life by a cat in two weeks! I'm starting to think it is a conspiracy against me from creatures of the feline persuasion. Benadryl will now be my weapon. They say the best defense is a good offense, but taking a razor to every cat I see eventually becomes a bit impractical. It's not that I don't like cats, my immune system doesn't.

Spent Sunday watching my Bengals get destroyed by the Steelers. First pass of the game, Carson Palmer gets hit on the knee, tears two ligaments, out for the season. Not a good omen. A few plays later, third wide receiver Chris Henry hurts a knee. Out for the season. Uhoh...

Kris and I head home, no excitement really. I talk on the phone a couple of times to some people who both say, 'Well I better let you go so you don't hit a deer or anything.' I drop Kris in Steeleville, Mo. so he can head home, and I head up 68 and 63 to get back to Columbia. As he gets in his car, says, 'Have a safe drive, don't hit any deer.' It's about 1am, and I'm about 15 minutes outside of Columbia. Wide awake as I slept till about noon that morning. Had some Jaime Cullum on the CD player. A little hot cocoa in the cup holder. And all of the sudden two deer come running out from the median. I swerve from the right lane to the left. Some say, 'Into the deer?!?', but that direction takes my motion vector away from theirs and we are then heading away from each other. I miss those two deer, but then a third one comes out of nowhere. I swerve back into the right lane to try and avoid this one, but end up catching him smack on the left front corner. I'm talking center of deer, corner of car. I've never seen an animal explode like that. It's like I caught it in just the right spot that things just came apart. Luckily it ricochets to the left as my car is going to the right so I don't run over it and it doesn't come up into my windshield. Hence, The Great Deer Explosion.


Turns out maybe it is the entire animal kingdom that is out to get me, not just felines. If you see a raccoon or a squirrel that looks like it is casing your place, please let me know. Family, friends, keep a lookout. Since the creatures have been unsuccessful getting me, they may go after you.

Keep your eyes peeled, be vigilant, be safe.

The Religious Not-Quite-Right

I wish to preface this with a disclaimer. My views to follow in this particular blog are aimed at the vocal majority of the off center (so to speak) religious right. They drive me crazy. Be aware that some of the following may be a bit blunt due to my current state of agitation. I don't think I'd be able to sleep tonight without getting some of this off of my chest.

So tonight I went to Warrenton, Mo. with my sister to switch cars with my folks so Tina could get Sally ('96 purple Mustang). I hit a deer in my car, she bought Sally from a friend, long story, for another blog. Before dinner I wanted to go to the outlet center to check out a few shops. Specifically Book Warehouse, Perfumania, and yes The Bible Factory Outlet. Odd assortment you say? Indeed. I like to 'bargain/treasure' hunt for books. I can spend hours upon hours in a book store. I needed cologne. Perfumania has all the good stuff at lower prices.

Which leads us to The Bible Factory Outlet.

As a good catholic boy growing up, of course I never read the bible. I don't know of many who did. For a religion that quotes the bible so often, uses scripture in daily mass/consecrations/prayer, and has its parochial school students take a religion class every year, this might seem a bit surprising. Indeed.

To get a driver's license, one needs to read the manual and be tested on its contents.
To get an A in reading class, one has to read a book and do book reports.
To become a lawyer, one has to read brief upon brief, and their state's code of laws.
Hopefully you get my point. To be a Catholic one would think you would require someone to read the book upon which the religion is based. Yet another example of how the old Catholic church liked to keep its constituency ignorant an unlearned so as not to threaten their power structure. I digress....

So I decided I want to read the bible. To do this, I figure I should own a bible. (Btw, should I be capitalizing that word?) I wanted a bible that didn't have a lot of references in the margin and took up half the page referring to other texts. I had that in high school, and it didn't help. I wanted a plain text bible. So, I found one. Hardcover, New Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition. As I grew up Catholic, I figured this to be the best way to go. I did some research and learned that the NRSV's motto is 'as literal as possible, as free as necessary'. In other words, formal enough to convey the meaning of the original scripture texts, yet contemporary enough to meet the needs of today. Oddly enough, the reading of this is directly following the current book I am reading, A Modern Buddhist Bible : Essential Readings From East To West. Needless to say I am exploring faith in general. I digress again....

Following dinner my parents, sis and myself hop in the car and go over some of the items they brought with them. One item was a bulletin from our parish, St Joan of Arc. In it was a letter from the pastor, thanking those that assisted in the preparations of the church for Advent & Xmas. This was interesting in that he specifically thanked my mother, my father, and us kids for the work we do every year. I wonder if they still welcome my help with all of this ranting!

Well, near the end of the bulletin their was a full page ad taken out by 'Missouri Right To Life'.

'Beware of lies and deceit, half truths and false information, dangerous advice and smooth-talking promoters

STOP MISSOURI STEM CELL RESEARCH & CURES INITIATIVE

A ballot initiative has been proposed in our state by Missouri CURE that seeks to put into the Missouri Constitution the legal right to clone and kill human embryos - and possibly forces you to pay for it.

~picture a big stop sign with the words 'the stem cell initiative repeated four times underneath with the following sentences following each repetition....~

...because it would create in the Missouri Constitution a constitutional right to clone human beings.

...because it would allow taxpayer dollars to fund human cloning.

...because it would redefine human cloning to allow experiments and destruction of a human embryo as long as it is not implanted in a uterus.

...because human life is sacred at every moment of existence - from the very, very beginning. No matter how it begins or where it begins, it is sacred.

DO NOT SIGN THE PETITION TO PLACE IT ON THE BALLOT!

If it is presented on a ballot, oppose this initiative with your 'no' vote.

If you have questions about human embryonic stem cell research, if you want to stay up-to-date on the efforts to stop the initiative, if you would help in this life-saving fight, please contact: etc,etc,etc...

.....wow. Unbelievable. When something like this is placed in a parish bulletin, I worry. I'm sorry, but something like this can easily be seen as a religious mandate. If you don't vote against this, you are going against the churches wishes and are a bad Catholic. It doesn't ask you to look into the issue yourself. It doesn't ask you to vote your conscience, or to your personal beliefs. It doesn't ask you to think period. Just says don't do this, its killing human embryos. Don't do this its cloning human beings. The beginning of the sheet, the 'beware' part, makes me think of the guy in Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade telling Dr. Jones not to trust anyone, especially when he meant him.......

So that started a discussion with my mom and sister. A very lively discussion, good points on both sides, and I think we all came away more aware of the situation, more educated on the topic, and on the whole better off in general. Huh...discussion....crazy.

So after a quick ride home, I set to trying to determine why my DVR is set to record Law & Order. I like Law & Order, don't get me wrong. I love SVU. But, the time slot was supposed to be for The Book of Daniel. I hop on the internet and lo and behold, it has been cancelled. I am shocked. Very good acting. Aidan Quinn, of Benny & Joon, Legends of the Fall and many other films. Ellen Burstyn, enough said. A very good cast of mostly unknowns. Good writing, very funny, and endearing. Shows a side of people one usually doesn't get to see.

Let me try to set this up for you.

Daniel Webster - Episcopalian pastor of St Barnabus. Married, three kids, one of which is adopted. Brother in law had a reputation for being in trouble, runs away with the new school buildings funds. Found dead, funds recovered by mob with the assistance of a Catholic priest who 'doesn't ask questions, just knows they can find things when others can't'. Money back so long as mob contracting business gets to build school. Loving father, devoted husband, idyllic view of people and what they are capable of. Has a bit of a pain-pill problem. Talks to a version of Jesus as if he is a real person.
Wife - bit of a boozer. coping/trying to change.
Daughter - caught selling pot to get enough money to buy animation software for her excellent drawing ability. draws about the family issues going on
Son #1 - 22 yr old med student. gay. not out of the closet publicly, but is privately to family. good kid.
Son #2 - asian adoptee. wise-ass. falls in love with girl from parish, sexually active with girl.
Father - Episcopalian bishop, dealing with a wife with severe alzheimer's. falling in love with another bishop, played by Ellen byrsten.

So basically all the general problems people can undergo as a family stuffed into one family who's head of the house happens to be a parish pastor. I had watched every episode. The family loves each other. The husband and wife are faithful to each other. The kids screw up like kids do, but they are all generally good people, and very accepting. They find out at a family dinner that one of their aunts is gay. They all take it in stride and have a discussion with a genial/sarcastic/funny atmosphere. a loving family at dinner. Shows people have faults, but at the end of the day, if you are good to each other that is what matters most.
The Jesus thing. Daniel talks to Jesus as kind of a sounding board. It is a portrayal of one mans way of talking to Jesus, of praying. Praying isn't just being on your knees, hands clasped. It is talking to god/Jesus/Buddha/Allah. Jesus happens to be a little sarcastic, but gets his point across to Daniel in this way. Shows Jesus as, gasp!!! Human!

Due to all of this, the religious right had a field day and went around boycotting NBC, and all of the businesses who advertised during the show. Saying it was blasphemous. Saying 'such filth should not be allowed to be shown on TV'. Some local station execs actually refused to show it on their station due to the content and clamor created.

Censorship anyone? Missing the point? Its amazing how often i notice people missing the point. What happened to Jesus being 'one of us'. Human. God forbid he have human qualities like sarcasm. What happened to 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.' How is it that these over-fervent religious beliefs overthrow one of our most treasured rights. When did freedom of religion become right of the majority religion to overthrow other rights??? Isn't what is happening exactly what the founding fathers tried to avoid? A religious state?

Hopefully I blew out the storm there and can get to sleep without my mind racing. I missed a lot of what I wanted to say, I'm sure i said more than i wanted to say and got off the topic a couple of times as well. I just get so upset when the ability that separates us from common animals, the ability to think, and think for ourselves gets overlooked by strict black and white morals from organized religion. Religion became part of society because we began to wonder, and ask questions. Why? How? What? and now we don't ask anymore.....we just listen to whoever is talking the loudest.....

Midwest Merriment

Finally!

I have now officially used the gift cards I received for Christmas.
I have now officially deposited any money I may have received. (I'm kinda boring that way, and as it turns out, a good thing I did...)
I have now officially taken everything I carted up from St Louis to Columbia out of bags and begun to find places for things.
I will be taking down the decorations today. I will, I swear....

Therefore, due to these things, I feel I can officially write the second and final part of my Holiday Musings.

So, where was I...Ah yes, God is in the messy.

Much to the chagrin of Grandma Bertram, I opened my presents as messily as possible. One of her fun quirks is that she likes to be very careful when opening a present. I'm talking full body retentive here. There is no 'ripping'. She finds where it is taped, undoes the tape and proceeds to unfold the paper without tearing it once. When one of us harass/comment on her opening process we are most often met with an 'Ah phooey!' or a raspberry.* We harass/comment frequently. Sometimes twice on one present. One year I solidly taped every edge so she couldn't not tear the tape. She threatened not to open it. Next year, when I can't think of a present for her, I'll just do that again and wrap an empty box!

Anyhow, we began Round 1 of the present opening Xmas night. This may sound like we just get an absolute shit-ton of presents. We don't, we just know how to savor the experience.

Round 1 - Crowe Family Xmas Eve Night, before mass. Godparents-godchildren and little kids.
Round 2 - 'Santa' Presents
Round 3 - Stocking Opening
Round 4 - Sis & I to parents & Grandma
Round 5 - Bertram Family little ones
Round 6 - Aunts & Uncles to each other
Round 7 - Aunts & Uncles to us and us to them.
Round 8 - Grandma to everyone.
Round 9 - Mike & Tracy to everyone, and vicey versey.
Round 10 - Siblings to each other.
Round 11 - Crowe cousins secret santa. Day after xmas
Round 12 - Shopping day after xmas with xmas money and giftcards.

See, that's how it should be. Spread things out, make it last a long time. It ends up almost being like a reward system. Ok, I drove to StL, Round 1. I went to mass, Round 2. I went to sleep, Round 3. I helped tidy the house for company, Round 4. Etc, Etc.... Some of the rounds, I didn't receive or give a present, but watching everyone else open is fun, too. My Aunt Diane would call that blasphemy. Of course, we had to give her a little present when she first walked in the door just to tide her over. Wouldn't want to ruin her appetite now, would we?

This way of doing things is relatively new. As my sister jokingly said last Christmas, 'Tracy stole Christmas!' Well truth be told, things were due for a change. The three of us were all pretty much out of the house and in our twenties (Tina on the brink of both). We still did Christmas the exact same way every year. We tried to change some things up two years ago, but Mike and Tina both balked at any changes to tradition. I was ready to start a new one. The 'Mike & Tracy' occurrence stimulated a major change of traditions due to the influx of another person's traditions. Thank god, I was getting sick of waking up at 5 am on Xmas morning...
There are traditions that matter, and some that are just superstition or a desire for things to always stay the same, a desire to be in control. It is hard to differentiate between them, but it should at least be attempted. I'm treading dangerously close to my thoughts on religion here again, so on to the day after Xmas.

The Fab Four (Tina, myself, Mike & Tracy) went to Danielle (cousin) & Dave's house for bagels and secret santa. Apparently prior to this time, some family had complained about how the only milk they had at their house was soy milk. Chocolate soy milk. I quite enjoyed Dave egging on some of them by getting a gigantic glass of it and being extremely vocal about how much he enjoyed it. My present to Shannon (my favorite little cousin) was by far the best if I do say so myself....

Afterwards the four of us went shopping. Lots of shopping. Famous Barr, Game Crazy, Best Buy, Kohl's, Borders, Barnes & Noble..I think that's it. We also had lunch with 'The Pregnant Ones'. That would be our cousins and sisters to each other, Danielle & Bridget. I learned more about pregnancy than I was planning that day, but I guess that happens when dining with a pair of pregnant people. Especially with one who is an ob/gyn.

That night Mike & I hit the grocery store to buy some supplies for the evening. Tracy and Tina wanted to make some recipes from a cookbook Tracy got for xmas. Good stuff. Really good. Even had to write down a couple of the recipes. Wait a second.....me? Get into the culinary arts? Well, I grant you I wouldn't call it 'art', but yes I am beginning to like cooking. YES, and eating the food I cook. Have a couple of dishes on the menu coming up soon that look quite intriguing. I may even take a stab at a similar coriander ahi tuna steak I had at the Royale. Yes, I fully expect all the jokes about how I would only eat grilled cheese and hot dogs growing up. How I wouldn't eat any food at thanksgiving when i was really little until they piled everything in a bowl with a little gravy and make me think it was soup. Then I ate it all right up. I'm weird. If you haven't known this before, where have you been?

We also played some board games that night. Sudoku, Blokus, and Apples to Apples. All Mensa approved games, at least the first two, pretty sure about the third. Oh yes, I'm not only weird, I'm a huge nerd as well. HUGE. Ask me sometime about the chaos theory book I borrowed from a girl I was interested in dating. I maintain to this day that was her way of screening potential dates. So being a nerd actually paid off. Fell in love with a beautiful intelligent woman who was six feet tall! I need my nerdom to pay off like that more often.....

Anyhow, I finally made it back to Columbia to work a lot. Had to make up for being off on the holiday. Oh wait, we were closed Xmas and I DID work Xmas eve.

New Year's Eve was rapidly approaching...and I vowed to get messily drunk....

Ok, so I lied, it's more than a two parter...

* - Side note- When I mention one of my life's little pleasures, I will be inserting an asterisk and possibly commenting further on it at the end of the blog. For example, an elderly woman giving you the raspberries. I mean c'mon, it warms me inside just thinking about it.

Holiday Musings

'Twas a fun holiday.

Oh, indubitably so.

Quite posh affairs were attended.

Indeed?

Indeed indeed.

Oh, jolly good fun. Jolly good. Much merriment was had?

The fare was magnificent, the decor opulent, and the entertainment, why, I guffawed repeatedly at the hilarity which ensued.

Alas, to have been there.

Alas indeed, my friend. Next year, good sir. Next year.

Next year, yes. I will bring the Christmas Goose! Hah! Haha!

Indeed! Hah! Hahaha!

BAM!


Sorry, got lost in a Dickensian holiday world there.


I wasn't planning on there being this long of a wait between blogs. I've had to endure longer waits while waiting for my brother getting to the point of a story though, so I don't feel too bad.

The holiday season started pretty early for me this year. No, not the week before Christmas. No, not Thanksgiving. Try Halloween. Nay, try late September. That was when i received the first load of Christmas goodies from the warehouse.
(Quick job descrip - Dept Manager - General Merch. & HBA
Basically everything at a grocery that isn't edible
or drinkable? That's mine. Yes, including Fem Hy.
Oh, and specialty food too.)
So around the time of year Knight Rider premiered (Sep 26 1982), I was already thinking of Santa and snow and reindeer and giant ornament candles and sugar plums dancing in my head.

Late October - I am informed that I should start getting ready to put out all the Xmas merch the day after Halloween. Let me tell you, it looks kind of odd putting clocks that chime a different carol every hour up next to fake blood and vampire fangs.

Early November - About this time I start wearing the black santa hat that says 'Bah Humbug' on the lower white felt rim.

Mid November - I'm back in the holiday mood after finding and listening to a bit of my 'Have Yourself a Jazzy Little Xmas' cd in which Ella sings that '...it's not the things we do at Christmas time, but the Christmas things we do all year thru...'

November 21st - I learn that we will be listening to Christmas music over the store speakers pretty much the whole time from the day after Thanksgiving to Christmas. Bah Humbug hat makes its reappearance.

November 25th - Xmas music begins.

November 30th - Already sick of Xmas music. Begin to wear Bah Humbug hat in my sleep. Sugar plums that were being dreamt of back in September are beginning to go to rot.

Early December - Decorating begins. At the house. The store has already been decorated, are you kidding me? Tina and I put up the tree (fake) and we string popcorn (real). I spend three days getting all the tinsel off the tree and the size of the pile of tinsel does not adequately reflect the amount of work done. Cry myself to sleep while wearing Bah Humbug hat using said tinsel to wipe away the tears.

December 15th - Have a theological discussion with boss who thinks I am atheist. She wonders why I still celebrate Xmas when I have religious issues. I try to explain my beliefs (a heady situation at best) and demonstrate that Xmas is to me about family. The hold that two months of commercialized Xmas had on me is broken. Cue the Vince Girauldi Trio.

December 23rd - Mike & Tracy come up to Columbia. After a late shift at work, I go to Old Chicago (from here on out referred to as 'The OC') with aforementioned couple. Have a great time there with them, Gill, & D. Good conversation, good trivia, good beer. Stay much later than anticipated.

December 24th - Up very early to pack and fill the car with Xmas goodies before heading off to work. I have the shortest drive so I close the store on this day. Customers surprisingly very polite and happy, no grouching, no scrooging. I am not wearing Bah Humbug hat.

December 24th evening - Close store at 6. Leave store at 6:30. Drive to St Louis in hopes that I can make the Crowe family Xmas before we are suppossed to leave for 'Midnight Mass'. Surprisingly easy drive even with the rain. Arrive at Aunt Maureen's around 8:30. Exchange gifts with Godparents. I give them a bottle of wine and bottle of alcohol respectively. I get a mixed twelve pack of beer and a giftcard. Alcohol exchange not planned, but hilarious. We sure know each other. Quick hi/bye/strong vodka & sprite before heading off to church. St Joan of Arc 'midnight' mass starts the carols at 10pm.

At this point I will take a break from the play by play style due to their being much more information.

I enjoy Christmas mass. Why is this you ask? Aren't you a lapsed Catholic? Aren't you an agnostic heathen? Well first off I don't like labels. I heard once 'There are as many different Gods in this world as their are people'. No one's God is the exact same. No one has the exact same belief structure. As I am still looking for my faith and what it means to me, I have as yet not found a religion that I necessarily 'fit' into. I have actually been yelled at by various people because I have said I do not have faith in the divinity of Jesus. Do they honestly think yelling at me is going to help make their point? I've also been told I made a conscious choice to reject Jesus and should be ashamed for it. I don't see having faith in something being a conscious choice. Searching for faith is a conscious choice, and that I am doing.

Okay, back to enjoying Xmas mass. Three years ago at Xmas mass, my father and I had a discussion as I told him I would not be going up to take Communion. He asked why. I replied that I didn't have faith in the divinity of Jesus, the changing of bread and wine into the body and blood of Jesus, and respected others beliefs in these things too much to not treat that Sacrament with anything other than the utmost respect it deserved. I wasn't going to diminish it by not believing in what I was doing just to make myself and others more comfortable. You should see the looks some people get when they don't get up for Communion. I also mentioned I wouldn't be saying some of the prayers. Again, not going to diminish it for others by reciting something I don't necessarily believe. I still say the beginning and various parts of the Creed. I still say the Our Father. And I still sing no matter what it is I'm singing. Sorry on that point, I just enjoy singing too much to care. So we had a discussion in the pew for about a half hour waiting for mass to start. It is one of the most clearing and weight lifting conversations I have ever had. I was worried he would be upset and in fact, quite the opposite.

One of the reasons I enjoy Xmas mass is because it reminds me of that year that i grew closer to my father and also grew to be less scared or worried of searching for my own faith. Another is the amount of singing I get to do. Since I had been going to church for a solid 18 years, the songs feel like home. Speaking of the music, my mother has been in the choir my entire life, too. So I would hear the church songs at home when she was practicing. Some of my favorite songs remain church songs to this day. On Eagle's Wings, Taste and See, Amazing Grace, and the Ol Easter Standby - Jesus Is Life.

Another reason I enjoy mass in general and Xmas mass at St Joan now is due to Fr Turek's homilies. He is a very good homilist. I came away from church that night happy because his message was basicly, 'God is in the messy.'

I vowed to open all of my presents as messily as possible.

To be continued...